Homeschooling from the beginning. What are your successes/regrets?

[Toposlonoshlep]

Hi wise mamas,

My DS is almost 2, and I am on the fence. He is multicultural (I am Russian, DH is African), and very introspective and calm. It isn't that I purposely limit his time with other kids, but he is not as bold as his peers, and seems to do better with adults. He is bright (can count, knows alphabet, recognizes simple words, and speaks in sentences as of late), but prefers to observe others quietly and learn that way. I guess you could say he is shy. I have been told that this is likely due to the fact that he has spent so much time with just me, DH, and our immediate family and that I haven't yet signed him up for music classes, art workshops, gyms,or co-op daycare.....

It isn't that I haven't considered these things, but both DH and I work from home, we play music and sing with him, we take him for hikes into nature almost daily, and we're both artists, so......it just hasn't seemed necessary to me.

Part of me thinks if I continue to homeschool him, I will be setting him up for more isolation from peers. But when I see him around kids his age, I realize that he is just not interested in the same kinds of things. I am by no means saying he is more advanced, but he IS somehow already moving on from their stage of exploration.

Another issue for me is that I wonder if,  as a multicultural kid, he will feel all alone and isolated even further....

It's time to make some of these decisions and I wonder how other parents have dealt with these issues and made their decision to pursue homeschooling. Do you have any regrets? Is there anything you would have done differently?

[luv my 2 sweeties]

Hey, you sound like a pretty wise mama yourself.  :)  Don't get too far ahead of yourself here!  Your ds is only 2.  He sound a lot like my dd when she was that age.  I did try to take her to things like story time and play groups, and she really didn't care much for them, to be honest.  Like your ds, she is an observer, and was ahead for her age in things like vocabulary, counting, etc.  I sent her to preschool when she was 3 because I wanted her to get to know some other children.  Because of her shyness, she was unable to get to know other kids when she only saw them once a week or less.  We happened to have access to a *wonderful* and affordable preschool where she was valued and accepted just as she was -- no pressure to join in with anything she didn't want to.  Her preschool teacher taught me that observation *is* a form of participation!  I had never thought of it that way before, but it's so true.  I think that not every preschool would have been good for her, but this one was.  She had the time and space to grow into it at her own pace -- it was spring before she joined the other children in dancing -- and she did indeed make friends and enjoy herself there.  (Our subsequent children have attended the same school.)  I want to be clear that I'm not recommending preschool for your son necessarily.  This particular preschool was good for my dd, but much of the maturing she did there would have happened anyway.  Probably the biggest benefit of the preschool was what they taught *me* about how to accept my child's personality and not be fearful that she was destined for some odd, lonely existence.  Learning that early on made me relax a lot more around her, which I'm certain was to her benefit. 

When it came time to consider kindergarten, we decided that the best way to continue what had been the most positive aspects of her preschool experience was to homeschool.  By then, I was not as concerned about her shyness, and I knew she would be bored and under-challenged in most public schools.  Where we live has a significant homeschooling community, so there were plenty of opportunities to meet up with other families.  She no longer saw her friends 4 days a week, but by age 5, she had additional maturity and enough experience with friendship to know what it was about, and seeing friends once or twice a week was sufficient.

Successes:  Many.  My dd is now 10 and still going strong with homeschooling.  She may well homeschool all the way through high school.  I am also now homeschooling my 8 year old son, and have been since his K year.  My 3 year old attends the preschool, which he loves, and which also gives me a couple of hours of intensive academic time with my older kids most days.  

Regrets:  Few.  I do wish my dd had a little more social interaction.  For a long time, it was fine.  But now that she is hitting puberty, I wish she had more "friend time".  She is not without friends, and she herself does not complain.  It's just that I think it would be good for her.  My 8 y.o. ds has maintained his close friendships from preschool, even though those boys are in school now.  One is in public school, and the other in a Catholic school, so they each have a different experience.  It's cool how they are still best friends!   I would like to see him make some more good friends in the homeschooling community.  He has boys he is friendly with, but no close homeschooled friends.  (This is just how it would be in my ideal world though -- he's really content with his social world as it is, and so am I.)  I have had more trouble with the academic aspects of homeschooling with him, but I'm still pleased overall.  He has been slow to read, and I fear that had he been in school, his self esteem would in the dumps.  As it is, it bothers him that he is not a good reader and does affect his self-image.  (He thinks he is not very smart, which is *so* not true.)  He may attend school one day, for a number of reasons I can foresee, but I have no regrets homeschooling him to this point.

As for the bi-cultural, bi-racial aspect, I think much depends on where you live.  My kids are bi-racial (black/white), so I understand your concern.  Luckily for us, it has worked out that our kids know quite a few other bi-racial children.  They have less exposure to non-bi-racial African Americans, but there is some.  They have little interaction with other ethnic groups.  I am fairly satisfied with the situation, especially with the fact that they know and interact with other kids "like them" -- with one white parent and one black.  They do not feel alone or odd in this sense.

[limette]

Shyness imo is a personality thing. Me being shy and introverted was not helped by being sent to school. It got worse through school and by highschool developed into full blown social phobia.

My daughters rarely get out with other kids and they have no problem socializing and making friends. They take after their extroverted father.

[Nicoleandco]

My dd was very shy at that age.  Now at 3 she is outgoing and assertive and honestly, almost overwhelming with other kids.  She's always had about the same level of interaction with other kids, it's just her personality that changed.  

Good luck making a difficult decision!  You will end up making the one that works best for your son!