stranger danger

[newmamma_aug07]

My son is a gregarious 3 1/2 year old and I'm thinking it's probably about time for the stranger danger talk. However, I don't want to scare him or have him lose some of that great outgoing charm. Any thoughts?

[Cujobunny]

Encourage him to trust his instincts. He can't get through life without ever talking to strangers. You talk to strangers, everyone does. In a dangerous situation, if he's lost or separated from you, he needs to be able to know who to ask for help before the wrong person targets him.

Protecting the Gift is a great read.

[meemee]

i have never ever done stranger danger with dd.

i dont believe in stranger danger.

i hate focusing on 'stranger'. who really is a stranger. who is a dangerous stranger. how do you tell a happy stranger.

so i taught dd not to take anything from anyone without mommy's permission. no one was allowed to touch her body - neither her dad or me - without her permission.

i think she first came across that term in first grade.

my biggest tool was her instinct. she has excellent ones and i always encouraged that. nothing is bigger than that.

[dalia]

Yeah, i'm not into stranger danger either. If ds was separated from me I would want him to ask for help and also I don't want him to feel like the world is a dangerous place. I do think that I will tell him that if someone tries to give him candy, help them find their puppy or tries to get him to go in their car that is a big NO. Otherwise, I think i'd like him to feel like people are basically good and there's nothing wrong with being friendly and saying "hi!" to whoever you want. JMHO

[HollyBearsMom]

We have never had a "stranger danger" talk.  Honestly I cant even stand the phrase! It makes it seem as if you can tell someone is dangerous by looking at them.  How can a kid as young as 3 know the difference between, IDK, the postman (a known stranger) and a person in the mall (a complete stranger)??  Both are potential pedophile but just because you see the mail man every day doesn't mean he is more or less dangerous than a random guy in the mall.

The phrase seems so inflammatory and statistically the chances of child being abducted/raped/molested/murdered by a "real" stranger is very low.  The majority were people the children knew and often knew fairly well.

However since he was small we have talked about safety and common sense strategies for both home and while out and about. Obviously adjusting context, content and details based on age and maturity level.  Things like:

• locking the door
• proper way to answer the phone 
• proper way to answer the door
• how to dial 911
• memorize our phone number and address
• our full names (not just mom/dad)
• to look for another mom or someone with kids if lost
• how identify a store/restaurant associate (safer than looking for someone in "uniform")
• the buddy system
• that it is OK to call out for mom/dad even in "quiet" places like a library
• listening to their inner voice

I think that consistent, matter of fact talks that take part of everyday life are much more effective than a once in a while "big talk".

[newmamma_aug07]

I appreciate the responses. I did like the idea of making my son afraid of everyone who is a "stranger." But I also want him to be safe. Such a delicate balance, it seems.

[pbjmama]

I'm assuming you meant that you did not like the idea of making him afraid of all strangers :)

The truth is most bad things are done to children by people the know. Protecting the gift is good. I teach my children how to talk to strangers and I try to model/teach following instinct.I believe children have that ability to follow their instincts naturally because they have not yet learned to inhibit themselves for the sake of social rules.