When do we stop trying for #2? - Page 2

[Lisa1970]

I think you are just tired from TTC. I completely understand. I have been there too. Maybe you need a little break and then resume again in a few months or a year. I recommend the Femara over the clomid. It has a much higher success rate, but if you are already ovulating, I am with you, it probably won't make a difference. Have you been checked for things like luteal phase defect? Are you taking extra folic acid and a baby aspirin a day?

[katee06]

I understand how you feel, my husband and I have a 4 year old and had been trying for two years. I had a hard time getting pregnant with my son, so when he was born it was a true blessing. In October we decided we were happy as a family of three and my husband had a vasectomy. We were tried of thing should we have one more or should be happy we have one healthy child. We both work full time and neither one of us were comfortable putting a new born in daycare. If I am going to have another baby I want to be the one to raise him/her. So stop feeling guilty if you are both happy were you are in life with just the three of you move on. I don't no your religious beliefs and but having my husband go and have a vasectomy was the best thing that could happen to us because we no longer had to think about whether we wanted another one or not. We are now a happy family of three!! Good luck and let me no if you need to talk some more about this.

[beebalmmama]

You've got a lot of good advice here and so I won't repeat except the advice to not worry about the age gap so much. For other reasons my ds's are 4.5 yrs apart and so far it has been a lovely experience. I wouldn't change it and have no regrets about them being closer in age. I could easily imagine them 5.5 yrs and think I'd be happy with that too.

I think the advice given to take some time off from trying and the revisit the decision is a good one.

[lilmom]

OP, for me, I don't think I can ever give up.

And as for the age gap, there are 5 yrs between my brother and I, and we have always been close. It's not really a big deal!

[happysmileylady]

Honestly, I have come to the conclusion that pregnancy is not a choice.  It's simply not.  My first was conceived while we were using protection.  She was 6 when DH and I got married, and we began ttc right away.  But #1 was 13 yrs old when #2 was born, as a product of IVF.  And then, #2 had just turned 1 when I got a positive pg test, naturally, when we were not trying and while I wasn't on bcp, I was on a med that had a side effect of inhibiting ovulation. 

I haven't gotten pg by choice, and I haven't been able to avoid pregnancy by choice either.  I did everything right trying to get pg, but didn't get the proper result without lots of expensive help, and I have been in the situation where everything was against getting pg, and yet, the kids are hear. 

One thing I learned in my 6 years of secondary infertility was to NOT put my life on hold for it.  I stopped worrying about drinking during the luteal phase, worrying about being pg while on vacation or while in a wedding etc etc. 

[2lilsweetfoxes]

Ask yourself:  is there a reason to be pregnant by a certain time?  and  Is there anything I would regret not trying in my ttc journey if/when I stop?

If you know your health insurance will run out April 2012, then you might want to be pregnant 10-11 months before that.  If you know that you'll always regret at least not trying something, then do it.  My husband was getting out of the army in January 2004...so we started trying when our DD1 was 13-14 months old in September 2002 (then he went to NTC right before I ovulated, then returned in October 2002--I thought I'd already ovulated, but ended up I hadn't and got pregnant with DS).  If I hadn't gotten pregnant by February 2003, we would have put ttc on hold until we had new health insurance.  I asked my husband how far we would go to have a baby--he said he didn't want to discuss it, but I feel like he'd have been like "nothing heroic".

I had DD2 six years after DS was born.  Those two are thick as thieves.  DS is superprotective of DD2 and DD2 is superprotective of DS.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by tryingfortwo 

I think maybe part of my concern about a big gap is that I've never really seen it first hand - all of my family and friends have at least 2 kids, with no more than maybe 3-4 years in between.

Give it time -- as we've gotten older the family make ups get more  diverse -- because some parents decide to have just one more years later, or end up with surprise babies, or split and end up with new people and have more kids. Things change. And the neat little families we knew in our 20's and early 30's aren't so nice and neat by late 40s.

My DH is the youngest of 7 children, and growing up he felt closest to his very oldest sister, who is 19 year older than him and moved out when he was one. Their relationship was never sullied by the day to day interactions and instead she was someone he could always talk to and be close to.  Larger gaps make for a different relationship, but they still have room to be enriching relationships.

I think that getting serious about trying -- seeing doctors, talking meds, etc. makes a lot of sense. Everyone has a different line in exactly how far they feel comfortable going down that path, but it is worth walking down that path as far as you feel comfortable.

Your screen name is "trying for two."  This is really important to you. It's part of how you define yourself. If you were comfortable trying until the end of this year, then really really try -- talk to new people, get new information, try new things.

peace and good luck!

[Spring Lily]

I've got friends with 5-6 yr age gaps between their kids, and they love it. Both kids are into different things, and when one starts locking themselves in their room all the time the other one still wants to cuddle on the couch! Plus they don't go into the next pregnancy with a huge sleep debt from their babies or toddlers waking them up all the time, and have more patience for diapers because they've gotten a nice break from them. The older kids can also be very helpful.

It does sound like you're imposing a lot of rules on yourself for how this has to happen. It has to be in a certain time frame, we can conceive this way but not that way...that's all very personal, but it's something to think about. Maybe part of your discomfort with it all is trying to make it fit into your plan of how it has to happen.

We didn't plan on doing anything medical to conceive, but when years had passed we realized it was important enough to us to do it. Our vision of what our family would be 20 years down the line was worth going through some expense and procedures. I did a lot of research and found a way to change insurance and clinics so that we could try IUI at an affordable price. I also discovered that most women whose cycles are regular and test results are fine do not do well on clomid or femara with no IUI, and tend to do best on injectables. With clomid it's possible to actually reduce your chances if you don't have an IUI with it. I say that not to be negative but because it's good to go in a decision with all the facts. Medication or IUIs may not be for you, but I hope you find peace with whatever path you choose.

[minkajane]

I faced this not long ago. DS is 6 now and I'm due in April with #2. A 6-year age gap was definitely not enough to override my desire for more children. I was on fertility meds for two solid years before I got pregnant. The cycle that finally worked was our tenth cycle on meds and I was taking Follistim, Femara, Ovidrel, and Metformin. It was our fourth IUI. If that cycle hadn't worked, the next step was surgery. On our eighth cycle, I ended up in the hospital from a horrible ruptured cyst (I've had a dozen before and never had to go to the ER until that time). It was incredibly difficult, both emotionally and physically. So that's something to keep in mind if you decide to move on to fertility treatments. Giving yourself multiple shots in the belly every night is NOT fun, especially when it doesn't work.

DH and I have decided that even though we want more children, we're not going through this again. Barring unforeseen circumstances, I'll just never use birth control again and if we get a miracle baby, awesome. But in 2 or 3 years when we're ready for another child, we're going to adopt instead of doing fertility treatments again.