Just getting started-VERY nervous- advice? - Page 2

[ariahsmum]

Welcome HSmamato2! Great thread!

[marsupial-mom]

Originally Posted by Sierra 

The truth is, if you truly don't want to foster, if you only want to adopt, then chances are good that you will either be doing a special needs and older child adoption (as in school-age) with the state or that you will be adopting in some way other than through the state.  Even in cases in which a baby -- possibly drug addicted or alcohol affected -- is born to a mother who has had rights terminated to older children and who has no apparent ability to safely parent, there is a legal process that must be followed.  Legal processes are by nature long, in order to protect all parties.  It can take years (not months, years) before parental rights are terminated.   

And even if parental rights are terminated, that doesn't mean YOU will be able to adopt. They might find an adoptive placement that they prefer over you. For example, if they find an adoptive placement for the older children and that placement is willing to take your foster child, the system might prefer that placement. It's not automatic that the foster parents get to adopt after reunification has been ruled out. THey might tell you that's the case, but it's not true. I don't want to burst your bubble, but the fears that your spouse has are probably warranted. If/when you choose to foster, try to remember that nothing is certain and that the future may look very different from how you expect it to look.

[queenjane]

I think your ability to adopt (without fostering) a younger/healthier child might be dependant on the state or county in which you live. I know people in my state that were able to adopt "healthy" two yr olds w/o fostering (one turned out to have some emotional issues later on), i myself was "offered" two different two yr old girls as adoptive placements but had to pass due to already having two 2 yr olds at the time...my friend was going to adopt a sib group of three (2,4,5 at match), and during my adoption orientation they had a mom who was adopting a child who was i think 9 or 11 months at placement (she wasnt fostering) and another foster parent who said she let her baby fc go to an adoptive home due to not feeling like he was supposed to be her child...so it can and DOES happen. I wouldnt say its typical, the more typical scenario is that you have a young child placed with you, wait a year or longer while the legal stuff plays out, they may become available and you may or may not lose them to relatives. I've adopted one child (placed at three weeks, finalized at 11 months) and it was very fast, straightforward. My current kids who were 17 months and 8 at placement, it went very quickly to adoption but the process getting to finalization hasnt been easy. So you just really never know. Alot depends on the "climate" in your area. There is a poster who doesnt seem around much anymore (BCFD?) who basically adopted three babies through foster care, i recall her saying that there were many infants placed with those in her training class who went quickly to TPR. THey were "fast tracked" or something. In other areas that would be almost unheard of. I do know that in most places if you call saying "i want to adopt a healthy infant or toddler" they will feel that is unrealistic and may not want to work with you. That being said, i think for my next placement, once i change agencies, i will be asking for a child under a year old for whom adoption is the goal, and while i may have to wait awhile im pretty confident such a child will eventually come along.

[Smithie]

In my state, it seems like such placements (infants for whom TPR and adoption is the case plan basically from birth) do indeed come along, if you are willing to wait. But I know that in other (wealthier, more liberal, more prevention-oriented) states, it's extremely rare. 

[hsmamato2]

Originally Posted by ariahsmum 

Welcome HSmamato2! Great thread!

thanks...I think  so I guess we put this off,till we can focus a lot of energy to it,as it seems from all your wise advice,we'll need all our faculties to get through this....so one thing at a time......