If you have a pediatrician, is your relationship honest?

[Buzzer Beater]

With DD1 I didn't even have a family doctor. Navigating this relationship with our ped is all new to us. We like her personally. She is a very nice woman and met GG the day she was born. Helped us through her club foot castings, surgery, reflux, and is helping us navigate our issues with possible cystic fibrosis (GG has 2 cf genes but is NOT ill at this point and there is NO specialist within a 6 hour drive of us should she have symptoms). She doesn't push vax and is comfortable with our decision to delay. We do, however, have some differences in opinion on some things that are kind of lurking there... I feel like if we are honest with her it will ruin what we have built so far, and the thought of searching for another doc is daunting. I haven't heard great things about other docs in our very small town, and I've heard at least something about all of them.

So our nice doc is really pushy and naggy about solids. And we're just not getting any down. GG has a bad latch, late tongue thrust, and now maybe an oral aversion? We've been to the OT who has given us some exercises to help her develop the ability to move food around in her mouth, but heck, she's not interested and we're not worried about that! We only went to check for tongue tie and hoping we could improve her latch.

My question is, would you lie to your ped to keep a relationship? How long would you go on pretending your kid is eating when they're not? I want to just smile and nod, but what if it turns out we really do have a problem?   DD is 15 pounds at almost 9 months. Sorry for the novel, curious what you all would do in my situation. Our 9 month wbv is coming up soon and DH and I have differing opinions on what to divulge.

BTW- our ped asked us to take this: http://pages.uoregon.edu/asqstudy/  and of course it says our dd has a problem and we need to do some EI. Should I just tell her we forgot to do it?

ETA she is tiny, not skinny as you can see by her pic she is our little chub.

[Knitting Mama]

I would not lie to my pediatrician directly. I trust her to be honest with me if there is something going on with my child, and if I am not honest with her, she may not get all the facts to be able to correctly diagnose a potential issue. She told us at 4 months that we could start solids; I said that we were waiting. She agreed that it was just fine. She asked us about vaccination, we told her we were doing a delayed schedule. Again, she agreed it was fine. I have found that if I am up front, matter of fact, and succinct in my communication with her, she accords me respect and we have a great working relationship. It helps that I chose her specifically because she is an AP mama herself!

As for the possible food aversion-- you actually may want to get the EI evaluation. The earlier the intervention, the easier it generally is.

[KempsMama]

I personally will not lie to a doc.  You never know what clues you give when being honest that might help your pedi help you.  Now, I do respectfully decline advice that goes against my parenting values, or that I know will not work for us. 

[bluebackpacks]

Speaking from experience here...  oral aversion is best addressed early and with the full thrust of supplemental services.  It's so easy to get lulled into thinking, "Ah, it will work itself out."  Most likely, it will work itself out... and you will never have to endure the feeding-clinic-experience... and, oh, is it ever an experience!!!

[Buzzer Beater]

Originally Posted by bluebackpacks 

Speaking from experience here...  oral aversion is best addressed early and with the full thrust of supplemental services.  It's so easy to get lulled into thinking, "Ah, it will work itself out."  Most likely, it will work itself out... and you will never have to endure the feeding-clinic-experience... and, oh, is it ever an experience!!!

How was your LO diagnosed with an oral aversion, and how early? We haven't been diagnosed and according to the OT we saw (who admittedly doesn't work with many babies) doesn't seen any glaring red flags. It's our ped who thinks you should start rice cereal at 4 months and give three meals a day by 6 mo. and the ASQ Oregon says not eating at this age calls for EI. GG will take purees off a spoon, but not much, not too interested. And we'd rather do BLW, but that way she gets nothing at all down. A few bits of sweet potato by accident...

[P.J.]

Please, please wait before going through any serious evaluation or treatment. The words "feeding clinic" made me shudder. I have learned from reading this forum that many, many babies are not interested in food until one year or even later. In fact (and you can find research to back this up), breast milk is sufficient nutrition for up to two years. Of course, it would probably indicate a problem if your LO had zero interest in food for two full years...but I'm just saying.....at 9 months you really don't need to worry at all IMO. It just seems like a waste of time, energy and worrying at this point.

As for the question, I probably wouldnt lie. However, our ped recommended starting purees - we are doing BLW, but rather than have a whole discussion, I just nodded and went "uh-huh". Not that she'd even be averse, but I just didn't feel like getting into it. In your situation, you could be ready with backup sources and just firmly say that you are refraining from worrying about this for a few more months, at which time you'll be happy to go though whatever testing she's recommending now. Finished. I think the clearer you can be, the more likely a doctor is to respect your limits. The thing is, most people treat doctors like gods and bow to their authority without ever asking why they are recommending or doing what they are. As long as you know where you're coming from with your reasoning, and are willing to change your mind if your child continues to refuse food, I think you should be fine.

BTW, are you trying to feed your baby, or doing BLW? Some babies refuse to be fed, but as soon as they are presented finger food to feed themselves- boom!- they eat like a champ! ...may be worth a shot if you haven't already.

[sublimeliving]

I wouldn't lie. I would however, not discuss certain things with my pediatrician. I'm paying them to do a service for me, and that's all. 

[Peony]

Originally Posted by sublimeliving 

I wouldn't lie. I would however, not discuss certain things with my pediatrician. I'm paying them to do a service for me, and that's all. 

That is where I am at. I adore our pedi (we've gone through lots of medical issues as well with her) but some things I don't feel the need to bring up. She was more concerned then I was about DS's lack of speech, she red flagged him at 12m and I felt that was way too early. We made an agreement to reevaluate in 2 months, maybe some settlement could be reached between you and your doc. He did end up having some issues and is speech therapy now but I am still completely fine with the amount of time I "waited", he ended up being 19m before we got through all the hoops and he started getting services. 

[whozeyermamma]

I would be honest - I think an evaluation is not a directive to do something - it's just information and you can decide if and when you want to take action. I have also heard about many babies who have no interest in food until 12 mo. I don't think 12 mo is too long to wait to see if things improve ....

BTW - your daughter is so beautiful! I remember many of your wise posts from our birth board!

[LittleBirdy]

I don't lie to DS's doc, but I don't volunteer information either (like, that we cosleep).  I'm lucky though in that she is relatively young, so she never practiced during the "give your baby cereal at 4 months and he should be eating three squares at 6 months" era.  She was adamant that we give no solids until 6 months.  We did disagree about starting with rice cereal (she was pro I was con), so I just sort of let it go and started with bananas.

My suggestion would be to engage your ped in a discussion about it.  Ask her if she has concerns about DC's growth, get her to talk about the why part of it.  And bring her some research that points out that some babies just aren't interested in food at that age, preferably from a respected source that she might be familiar with.  She might back down some once she knows you've educated yourself about the topic, then again if she has that doctor-god-complex thing going on it could infuriate her.  I just know with my son's doctor she seemed more accepting of our decision not to vax once she realized we had read up extensively on the topic and not just made the decision based on the latest CNN headline about vaccines & autism or something.

Best of luck to you.

[chattyprincess]

I love discussing things with our ped. Even though he is not 100% on board with everything we do he knows we do it. Like he would rather vaccinate according to the traditional vaccine schedule, understandable and it makes it much easier for them. We are not doing that and are doing a slower schedule made slower by illness but he is very thurough in going over everything and double triple checking that we are giving the vaxs that we are needing. We told him upfront that we would not start with cereal, which was nerve racking for me but turned out to be fine.He actually fully discussed with us that its just a recomnedation and not a big deal and there is no reason not to start with fruits/vegs etc but to start slow and avoid acid things etc. He has over 20 years of experience and comes from a really great place. And by polietly stating our views he has been able to give us great advice.

There is no reason to think your ped is there to lecture you. Treat it like a discussion. Your docs come from a good place and want the best for you and your kids so being honest with them is easier. If you tell your ped you are giving purees and then in 2-4 months realize your lo is not eating purees and won't and has a fit over it how the heck are you going to be able to bring that up? you would have to admit you had lied instead of just saying up front your very logical reasons for delaying. She could also have some good ideas/resources for you that your not aware of. Just be upfront and honest but not rude and bull headed. "we are actually not giving gg solids...she really has no intrest and still has a super strong tounge thurst which makes her really not intreasted. We want to cultivate a good relationship with food early on so we are not going to force her to eat."

[Knitting Mama]

Originally Posted by chattyprincess 

I love discussing things with our ped. Even though he is not 100% on board with everything we do he knows we do it. Like he would rather vaccinate according to the traditional vaccine schedule, understandable and it makes it much easier for them. We are not doing that and are doing a slower schedule made slower by illness but he is very thurough in going over everything and double triple checking that we are giving the vaxs that we are needing. We told him upfront that we would not start with cereal, which was nerve racking for me but turned out to be fine.He actually fully discussed with us that its just a recomnedation and not a big deal and there is no reason not to start with fruits/vegs etc but to start slow and avoid acid things etc. He has over 20 years of experience and comes from a really great place. And by polietly stating our views he has been able to give us great advice.

There is no reason to think your ped is there to lecture you. Treat it like a discussion. Your docs come from a good place and want the best for you and your kids so being honest with them is easier. If you tell your ped you are giving purees and then in 2-4 months realize your lo is not eating purees and won't and has a fit over it how the heck are you going to be able to bring that up? you would have to admit you had lied instead of just saying up front your very logical reasons for delaying. She could also have some good ideas/resources for you that your not aware of. Just be upfront and honest but not rude and bull headed. "we are actually not giving gg solids...she really has no intrest and still has a super strong tounge thurst which makes her really not intreasted. We want to cultivate a good relationship with food early on so we are not going to force her to eat."

This is a wonderful, wonderful post.

[SeattleRain]

I'm sort of in both camps. On one hand, I think you're the boss of your own kid. I would never lie to my pediatrician. I value her opinion ad I don't want it to be based on lies. It also sounds like your babe has some out of the ordinary issues and I think if your doctor is going to adequately treat her, she needs the whole picture.

Your pediatrician might be naggy about solids because it's a milestone that most babies hit by 9 months. So yeah, I'd say its bordering on unusual that she has no interest in solids. I don't think it has anything to do with whether or not she's getting enough food, because if you're breastfeeding on demand and she's eating what she wants and is otherwise happy, she's probably not undernourished. Solids aren't really for nourishment until after a year anyway. The point is that by 9 months, most babies are accepting some kinds of solids, whether it be actively getting some sweet potato chunks in her mouth or purees on a spoon. If you're suspecting she has an oral aversion, I'd heed your ped's advice and maybe get her checked out. Better to be early on these things than late.

[Knitting Mama]

Originally Posted by SeattleRain 
The point is that by 9 months, most babies are accepting some kinds of solids, whether it be actively getting some sweet potato chunks in her mouth or purees on a spoon. If you're suspecting she has an oral aversion, I'd heed your ped's advice and maybe get her checked out. Better to be early on these things than late.

This is how I feel on it as well. At 10 months old, Cecilia is a classic example of a baby who doesn't eat much but with no issues with oral aversion or anything. She happily self-feeds and enjoys being spoon fed. She just doesn't eat appreciable amounts. I'm not worried about her because she can and does eat just fine, even if the quantity isn't very high.

[MamitaM]

I wouldn't lie to my nurse or doctor b/c I'd be afraid if I did they might not know there's a problem with him if there was something seriously wrong. However, I know she doesn't think I should allow my cat to co-sleep with us or for me to put any breast milk in my sons eye anymore, so I'm just not going to tell her those things.

[CBEmomma]

I don't lie, I'm very honest with our Pediatrcian in how we parent. He agrees with us on our parenting style. ds2 is not interested in solids and he's 9 months and 22 lbs. Our Pediatrician sees nothign wrong with that.

[Buzzer Beater]

Originally Posted by chattyprincess 

I love discussing things with our ped. Even though he is not 100% on board with everything we do he knows we do it. Like he would rather vaccinate according to the traditional vaccine schedule, understandable and it makes it much easier for them. We are not doing that and are doing a slower schedule made slower by illness but he is very thurough in going over everything and double triple checking that we are giving the vaxs that we are needing. We told him upfront that we would not start with cereal, which was nerve racking for me but turned out to be fine.He actually fully discussed with us that its just a recomnedation and not a big deal and there is no reason not to start with fruits/vegs etc but to start slow and avoid acid things etc. He has over 20 years of experience and comes from a really great place. And by polietly stating our views he has been able to give us great advice.

There is no reason to think your ped is there to lecture you. Treat it like a discussion. Your docs come from a good place and want the best for you and your kids so being honest with them is easier. If you tell your ped you are giving purees and then in 2-4 months realize your lo is not eating purees and won't and has a fit over it how the heck are you going to be able to bring that up? you would have to admit you had lied instead of just saying up front your very logical reasons for delaying. She could also have some good ideas/resources for you that your not aware of. Just be upfront and honest but not rude and bull headed. "we are actually not giving gg solids...she really has no intrest and still has a super strong tounge thurst which makes her really not intreasted. We want to cultivate a good relationship with food early on so we are not going to force her to eat."

This is a really nice post, thank you. So are some of the others and I appreciate the advice. We used to love discussing things with our ped until our dd didn't fit on that perfect schedule of events... it's frustrating because in a bigger town we would just switch doctors but there are only two small practices here and they both have a reputation for being mainstream. I really think this woman is as good as they get here, and she's pleasant. I'm worried that if we disagree with her too much she will ask us to find another doc. We already disagreed about the cereal, then the 3 meals a day... she doesn't seem agreeable to it. How much can you disagree with your doctor before it just doesn't work? And I can see that lying to her might blow up in our faces later, but smiling and nodding? I don't know... things seem to be a struggle at her visits. Maybe I should bite the bullet and move to a GP.

As for the question about EI- we're aware we have things to look out for. Bad latch, tongue thrust, no solids... we know what that might mean down the road. I mentioned in a previous post the OT didn't see any glaring red flags yet. Finding an OT or a good LC in this town is a whole other problem! But we're going with BLW for now and we're comfortable with that.

[McGucks]

I don't exactly lie to our ped, but I don't tell the whole truth about sleeping.  DS2 (10 m.o.) doesn't sleep through the night and never has.  At his 6 mo. appt, dr. asked if he was STTN, and I said no.  He said "He should be."  So at the 9 mo. check up, I responded "He's doing really well at night."  I found out at a mom's group I attend that a lot of other moms take this approach.  I don't want to hear that I'm doing my child a disservice by not letting him CIO and I don't want to feel that the ped disapproves of me (though, as a PP said, I shouldn't really care...the ped is our employee, if you want to think about it that way).

On a second issue, he was concerned at the 9 mo. visit that our baby wasn't eating more than a couple tablespoons of food a day...it varies, but he doesn't like being spoon-fed at all.  He will put a pre-loaded spoon of something in his mouth or do some finger foods, but he just doesn't love solids much yet.  He recommended I "hold back on the breast milk" a little.  Nope, not gonna do that.  He's at the 97% for weight, so he's clearly getting good nutrition from me, and I'm not gonna mess with it.  He'll eat more in good time, I think.

I would caution you to think carefully prior to going to a feeding place.  Sometimes specialists can really make you think something is "wrong" with your child (and I would sure watch it with a specialist that doesn't have experience with babies) when it's really that babies develop at vastly different rates.  Your daughter looks beautiful and healthy and her weight sure seems fine.  I'd say, keep on keepin' on!

[HappyMonkey]

Just wanted to say that although our daughter ate things.. she didn't decide she LOVED food until after 13 months. Now she asks for everything!!

[Knitting Mama]

That's what I am anticipating for Cecilia. It's clear that she can eat and has no aversions, but she just isn't all that interested.