sleeping with toddler and newborn

[mamaforever]

Hello everyone!  I am an AP mama to a 2 year old boy.  I work outside the home 20 hours per week.  My husband works full time, night shift.  My dilemma is that we want to have a second baby soon and I'm trying to figure out the sleeping arrangment with a toddler and newborn by myself (as husband works nights).  Right now, my son sleeps with me.  I need to give him a bottle of water and hold him in my arms, sometimes then laying with him for an hour or so, before he falls asleep at night.  I have no idea what I will do when we have the new baby.  Husband won't be home to help me out.  Another question is-- I do plan to cosleep with both my toddler and newborn (I would sleep between them), but I worry about the new baby waking up the toddler, and vice versa.  I know this may be early to start worrying about this as I'm not even pregnant yet, but I am a "planner" and like to visualize what I'm going to do and how I'm doing to do it- way ahead of time!  I'd appreciate any advice/suggestions you have!  Thanks! 

[lisathena]

Hello there! :)

When my dd who is now 10 months old was born my ds was almost 2 and we co-slept 100% from day one w/ the new baby and him.... But i had DH to help w/ baby while i put ds to sleep and actually for a long time we just all went to bed around 10 at the same time....just recently we started having them go to bed w/o us at 8 in their own rooms since baby #4 will be here in 2 months! And we plan on co-sleeping w/ it. How i put them to bed now is rock/feed the baby while ds is in a crib even tho is almost 3 we put him back in there to keep him IN his bed....although halfway thru the night he crys and we bring him in bed w/ us so i am guessing he will still be co-sleeping part of the nigth w/ the newb gets here too... Then once baby is asleep i lay her down and sit w/ my son until he dozzes off...normally it works fine...not the last 2 nights tho! LOL

[mamaforever]

Hi!  Thanks for replying!  I know there are probably many techniques to try with juggling bedtime with a toddler and a baby on my own.  If all goes as planned, my son will be 3 or maybe even 3.5 when the new baby arrives, so being older hopefully will make the whole process easier!  I really want to cosleep with both of them and not move my son into his own room (if he's not ready) just so he doesn't feel pushed aside.  Plus, I LOVE sleeping with him and don't want him in another room!  I hope it will work out to cosleep with both.  Thanks for sharing your experiences.  Congrats on baby #4!

[kalamos23]

I haven't done it yet, but when I nannied and was watching DD and her cousin who was 6m younger, I would get the younger baby to sleep first, and then put DD to sleep for naps. The younger baby usually went to sleep much easier than DD and you could put tv on or have your son play with a quiet toy or read or something while you nurse baby to sleep. It seemed to go much easier this way than trying to get DD to sleep first. I plan on trying to do it like that when this baby gets here - DD and the newbie will be 2y10m apart.

[mamaforever]

Yes that does make sense to have my son be busy with something in the living room while I get the new baby to sleep.  They would be 3 or more years apart, so they would probably have different bedtimes anyway.  I just wonder now if the new baby will wake up my son all through the night with the many wakings to nurse and diaper changes.  I guess I'll just have to wait and see if that is a problem!  Thanks for your post.

[kalamos23]

Well, I can tell you in a  few months ;D

[mbhf]

It generally all works out. :) my dh was deployed when my youngest was born until he was about 4 months old. Getting everyone to sleep (at the time, my 7yo and 5yo slept on a twin bed in my room and my 4yo and 2yo slept with me) was something I worried about, but I was able to do it without too much trouble,  my inlaws were there for the first week so they did bed time for all but my 2yo. Once they left I just brought my yoga ball into the bedroom and put it beside the bed and read to the kids until they fell asleep. y then not quite 2yo would usually climb into my lap to nurse once the baby fell asleep. I was blessed with a pretty easygoing baby, so he would fall asleep nursing/bouncing and stay asleep that way as long as I kept bouncing.

I've been cosleeping since my oldest was born and I've had a newborn and a toddler 4 times now and I've not had any issues with the baby waking the toddler or the toddler waking the baby.

[mamaforever]

Wow, that's great.  You have certainly had the experience with this then.  I am definitely going to try and make it work for us to all sleep together.  Thank you!

[Mom2M]

DD was 4 when DD2 was born and it worked pretty well. My husband works overnight so we were on our own and I sidecarred a crib to the bed for the baby and DD stayed on the other side of me. We all went to bed at the same time for a while and DD1 never woke up when the baby woke up and cried. She was a little extra needy and so she would cling onto me while she was going to sleep and I was nursing the baby. But it got better and I was able to keep the baby on top of me most of the time but still had a safe place to put her away from flailing 4 year old arms and legs!

[mamaforever]

Thank you Deb.  Right now we have a queen mattress on the floor because DS moves around quite a bit.  Maybe by then we can put the mattress up on a box spring so we can sidecar a crib.  Did you have any problems with a gab created between the mattress and the crib?  I hope I can learn how to nurse while laying down (I could never get comfortable with doing this with DS), so I can just sleep while baby nurses during the night.  But it would be nice to have that extra space on the crib I could put the baby if I needed it.

[acupuncturemomma]

Just wanted to chime in with our experience...hope it doesn't sound too negative! We actually have had (and continue to have) problems co-sleeping with both our kids. When DS was born, DD had just turned three. DS was a fussy sleeper, and had his days & nights mixed up. He made enough noise fussing that it woke DD up constantly, so I ended up sleeping in the living room with him (while DH slept in the bedroom with DD) for the first 2 - 3 months. We eventually made it work to be in bed together, but even now (at DS = 17 mos and DD = 4 y.o.) we have issues. DS is still a fussy sleeper at times, or a non-sleeper! He is in a phase where he wakes in the night and is *awake*. I have to leave the bedroom with him or he wakes DD.

So, hoping things go more smoothly for your family, and glad to hear others have made it work so seamlessly, but that has not been our experience.

[mamaforever]

 I'm glad you chimed in!  I'm sorry you have had issues with cosleeping with both children.  That is my worry, that it would be just hard to work out.  My DS is a fussy sleeper too, even now at 25 months.  Even if I got a very easy new baby, I wonder if it would still be difficult to cosleep with both because of DS being a fussy sleeper.  I was hoping that DS would be an easier sleeper by then, since it would be over a year away, but I guess I will have to wait and see and then figure out what the best sleeping arrangement would be for our family when the time comes.

[awallrising]

DS can be pretty active when he sleeps (end ups sideways, kicks, etc) plus he likes to cuddle up right against me.  I'm assuming I'll have the baby right next to me & I don't want DS accidentally "beating up" the baby.  Just wondering if I need to find a way to keep on DHs side.

[Mom2M]

Originally Posted by traci447 

Thank you Deb.  Right now we have a queen mattress on the floor because DS moves around quite a bit.  Maybe by then we can put the mattress up on a box spring so we can sidecar a crib.  Did you have any problems with a gab created between the mattress and the crib?  I hope I can learn how to nurse while laying down (I could never get comfortable with doing this with DS), so I can just sleep while baby nurses during the night.  But it would be nice to have that extra space on the crib I could put the baby if I needed it.

Sorry I took so long to reply, I kept meaning to and kept forgetting!
Anyway, no issues with the gap, when she was tiny, we had the mattress flush against the bed with noodles filling in the far side of the gap and covered with a sheet.
When she started climbing out during naps, I put a toddler netting style rail and lowered the mattress so at least she has to climb up and over it and we took out the noodles so that the mattress was no longer flush and the netting was where she could possibly roll next to the bed.
She likes going to sleep on the crib mattress and when she wakes to nurse (all too often, sigh...), I just pick her up, nurse her and either put her back or hold her on top of me. I don't really like nursing lying down and I only did it when DD1 was much older.
By morning she usually ends up between me and DD but when she was little, I never did that since DD1 would roll on top of her too often.
It really does work for us and I can't imagine it any other way.

[mamaforever]

Thanks!  Sidecarring the crib really does sound like it will probably be the best option for me.  I just googled images for sidecar cribs to get an idea of what it looks like.  I think I can make it work.  I noticed that most people put the crib between the bed and a wall.  I was hoping not to put it next to a wall because I want the other side of the bed against the wall where DS sleeps.  I'm hoping that it's not a safety concern not to have the crib next to a wall (do people do that so that the crib doesn't slide away from the bed to prevent a gap forming between them)?  I also saw that some people use bungy cords to connect the crib to the bed to keep them together.

I'm feeling hopeful that this arrangement will work for us!  Now just have to wait until that time to see if DS sleeps okay with hearing baby cries throughout the night. :)

[awallrising]

My DS moves around a lot too & I can't imagine him being the bed with the baby, he beats me up as it is & gravitates towards me.  I feel a little bad putting him on the floor, maybe I can find a cot or something so he'll be closer.  I want the baby next to me for nursing purposes, plus I think baby deserves the same closeness that DS got when he was 1st born.

[mamaforever]

Do you think sidecarring a crib for the new baby would work for you?  So that there is more room for the new baby but also close enough to nurse?  You would be between your DS and the new baby.  I found this site with some great information on sidecarring: http://www.freewebs.com/sidecarcrib/.  Or if that wouldn't work, maybe transition your DS to his own twin bed in your room if you think he's ready.  If you plan to do that, I would start soon so that he is adjusted by the time the baby is born.

[awallrising]

DS has his own bedroom & a full size bed in his room & starts out the night in there but then climbs into bed with us.  He is a very tall 3.5 yr old (some people think he's in Kindergarten already).  I was thinking of getting a small futon for the floor, a cot of something like that so he could be close but I could have the baby right next to me.  We got him a special sleeping bag but haven't even tried to get him into it yet.  I figured once it warms up a little, he might be more willing to sleep a little separate from us.  We have a King-sized bed so technically there's enough room for all of us if DS wasn't an acrobat while sleeping.  I will check out that link, but I really want the baby next to me.  DS on his 1st day home from the hospital (3 days old) wiggled himself over to me b/c he wasn't right next to me.  I didn't know babies  that small could move that much.

[mamaforever]

The baby could be right next to you even with the sidecar crib.  But it's probably really only needed if you need that extra room.  So I guess you will just need to figure out what's best for your DS at this time and your whole family about if you should transition DS to his own futon/cot in your room or just keep him in your bed and tolerate the kicks and hits. :)  Just make sure the new baby is safe from the kicks and hits of course! 

[awallrising]

Protecting the new baby from the kicks & hits is my only concern, I'm used it by now