Ideas for pacifier replacement?

[SFam]

I've posted before asking for thoughts on pacifier use and weaning from it. In the past, I've weighed my daughter's emotional need to keep her paci with the possible negative dental effects. I've struggled with the decision, but have always let her have it. I've gently discouraged its use for the last two years and she still wants it.

We visited the dentist today who said that the paci use has caused her to have an open bite. I knew this was happening, but since the dentist never mentioned it before and a lof of research says as long as she gives up the paci by age 4 or so, I hadn't worried about it. Now it seems that for her oral health, we need to give up the paci.

I've talked to her about it, she wants to keep it. Says, she has to grow up first before she can give it up. I know it will be hard for her to break the habit.

What are some ideas for easing her emotional discomfort? She asked if she can trade her paci for a doll; I agreed, but I know that when it's bed time, the doll will be useless.

She likes to have a paci in her mouth and hold one or two in her hands and play with them and rub them on her face. I'm wondering if there's something similar I can substitute, so she can still hold something in her hand and rub her face, but won't be able to suck on it. Any ideas? I was thinking a soft blankie, but that will feel totally different than a silicone paci.

Any ideas that will help her give it up are appreciated. By the way, she's three and a half years old. Oh, and her 17 month old sister will be giving up the paci too, but I think she'll have an easier time of it because she's still nursing and isn't as emotionally attached to it.

Thanks, mamas.

[waiting2bemommy]

Well, if she only uses the paci at bedtime, I would say instituting a fresh bedtime routine might help.  

Changing things up somehow...the order you do your bedtime routine, or adding calming music, a new nightlight, a story on CD, etc might be helpful. that way there won't be a certain point in the bedtime routine that triggers her desire for the paci.

Even though you don't think the doll thing will actually satisfy her come bedtime (and I totally agree with you!) I woul still go through the motions of it. Demonstrate your confidence in her by going along with her idea. Take her to the store to buy a new cuddly doll to sleep with. Take the doll out of the box, put all the pacis in the box, and throw them away (or prearrange with a kids consignment store owner or a close friend with a baby to take them there, they will just throw them away, but some kids feel better *giving* away their pacis to younger children). Then at night you can remind her in an upbeat way "it was such a terrific idea you had, isn't it great to have a new doll to cuddle with."  And at 3 yrs old if she cries I would go with "I know you are missing the paci tonight and I know it's hard for you but I know you'll be ok. When you wake up in the morning I think I'll make some *insert favorite breakfast* to celebrate!" And then turn on calm music, kiss her and leave. She is big enough to understand the reasons and the need to give it up, and the less drama surrounding it, the more quickly she will be able to let it go.

My ds doesn't have  paci but he does have anxiety and we go through this type of routine multiple times a day about the most miniscule things. I've found that the more I feed into it the worse it gets. Of course I offer hugs and cuddles all the time and I always validate how he is feeling. but I've also found that sometimes he needs to work through his emotions on his own. Me being there trying to comfort, cajole and convince him just makes it 10000x worse.

Hopefully that all makes sense...I keep coming back and forth to post in between putting my dd back to sleep. I saw no one had replied so I just wanted to offer my 2 cents. Good luck!

[Surfer Rosa]

Okay, it's early days for us, but my DS has just given up his paci on his own (which I DID NOT anticipate at all!)

It's funny that another poster mentioned switching up bedtime routines, but there seems to be a link there. We put our DD (5.5) and DS (2.5) down together, and the routine has been books-listen to stories/music-fall asleep, with either me or DH in bed with them. Bedtime is taking a looong time, so we told them on Sunday that after we read to them, we would put on their stories/music, and go downstairs. They did not mind at all (woohoo!) I also hid DS's paci in a little stuffy (it's a rabbit/blanket sort of thing) as I'd just read that one of the ways to transition out of paci use is to find a lovey to replace the paci as their transition/comfort item. We talked a bit on Monday and Tuesday about what a big boy he is (he is really into doing things to help, and take care of himself), but didn't talk about taking pacis away or anything...just that he was growing up.  We did the same thing on Monday, and last night, just put the bunny out. He didn't even ask for his paci, and he didn't tonight either. I am seriously shocked, as he has been so very attached to his pacis at night since the beginning (he holds one and sucks on one). Knock on wood, it's worked! I really hope your DD surprises you the same way.

[puffingirl]

I could have written your post last fall--exact same thing for our DD.  When we got the low-down from the dentist, we instituted the Paci Fairy idea, put a date on the calendar for later that week and went for it.  DD wanted Big Girl things in exchange (really, she didn't want to swap at all, but at least gave us ideas of what she might want)--nail polish, stick-on earrings, a necklace.  So, the Paci Fairy brought her that stuff and took away the pacis.  She liked getting the stuff but the nights were ROUGH for about 3 or 4 days.  DH and I tag-teamed the bed time because she cried bitterly for a looong time.  We sang extra songs to her, held her, bought new pj's that she picked out, listened to books on CD with her, held her hand while she cried, put extra stuffed animals in the bed--the works.  She still cried badly for a few days and woke up in the night a lot those few days, but it then ended abruptly and she was fine.  We were able to ease back into our usual bedtime routine in about a week.  It was really hard those few days but we tried to keep in mind that we could be with her and support and love her through this, without giving the paci back.  Best of luck!  Honestly, this was harder for all of us than potty learning, teething or pretty much anything else.  But it all came out ok. 

[nextcommercial]

You can start by reading "The Last Noo noo".  http://www.amazon.com/Last-Noo-noo-Jill-Murphy/dp/0744598354

During the story, Marvin plants a Noo noo in the yard.  for "just in case".  At the end of the book, even though he's chosen to give up the noo noo himself, the tree grows into a beautiful Noo noo tree.  (that was my daughter's favorite page)  He never needed them... but, he had the tree in case he ever did.

I explained that it was time to give it up.  We discussed it, she understood, but still wanted it.  Eventually, we agreed that if she slept three nights in a row without a pacifier, I'd give her $40 to buy anything she wanted at the toy store.  (except more pacifiers)  And, she agreed to that.  She actually did just fine.  I thought she'd have a harder time than she did.  But, it went well, and on Friday night, we went to Toys R US, and she bought $40 worth of baby dolls with plastic pacifiers.  I think she bought all they had in the store.  

[Greenlea]

My DS has had a paci since birth.  He was using it mainly at night though.  He son started chewing on it instead of sucking on it when he started getting his 2yr molars at around 18 mths.  So I bought a teething paci for him.  It's flat so sucking on it doesn't really work, but he loved it for chewing.  Now that his molars are all the way in, he doesn't use it anymore and doesn't need a regular paci either.  So maybe try buying a teether paci.  She can still rub it on her face but sucking on it won't hurt her teeth, since you can't really suck on it anyways.

Although, now that my DS has given up his paci, he carries his darn blanket all over the place and won't sleep without it.  So maybe replacing it with a blanket could help too.

[pbjmama]

There are several books out about giving up pacis too. I did a quick amazon search and found some. We had pacifiers are not forever and my kids still like to read it!

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_0_13?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=pacifier+book&x=0&y=0&sprefix=pacifier+book

[SFam]

Thanks for all the great ideas. Changing the bed time routine hadn't even occurred to me (that's why I asked for help!); I think switching it up might be helpful. I like the teething paci idea. that may work for her to rub her face, but not suck on it.

I don't think I have time to search out the books because we've (DH and I) have already told her that we'll be saying good-bye to her pacis on Friday. I picked Friday because I work part time in the mornings and have to get up really early, so I figured, if we have a couple of hard nights, at least it will be on the weekend when I can sleep in and it will be easier for her if I'm there in the morning with her rather than gone to work. I did look for a paci book at the library today, but didn't find it. I've seen it there before and have tried to read it to her, but as soon as she got hip to the subject matter she was done reading!

Some of your stories offer some encouragement. Even the one about having a crying child for a few days was actually encouraging. I can handle a few days of crying and sadness.

It breaks my heart to have to take it away because I know how much she loves it. We lost them a few months ago for a couple days and I tried to use that as my opportunity to get rid of them, but I was weak. I found them, but hid them from her. She went two days without them, but on the third day when I talked to her about how she misses her paci, her eyes filled with tears and she looked as if she was mourning the loss of her best friend. I coudn't do it. I gave them back to her.

We've also tried paci fairy in the past-- unsuccessful. She's old enough now to understand the concept of trading. So, I think we'll trade them for something and then try to find some nice way to say good-bye. Maybe we'll do the idea about putting them inside a stuffed animal. She can choose a build-a-bear and stuff them so she still has them, but can't suck them. That may work for her.

So many great ideas. Thanks, everyone, for helping and taking the time to write your responses. I'll post back after the weekend is over, let you know if we've gotten any sleep!

[SFam]

We ended up trading her pacis in for a Barbie at Target. She was fine in the store, but  cried on the way home, saying, "I not ready yet" and telling me to go back to Target to get her paci. She went to sleep last night pretty well; just rolled around a lot before she finally fell asleep. Took a little longer than normal, but overall it's been much better than I thought it would be. She hasn't asked for per pacis today at all-- she knows they're gone. I'm sure she still misses them and wants them, but she's doing well so far. We'll see about bed time on day 2!