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I guess my almost 8 year old DD is too cool for me.

post #1 of 14
Thread Starter 

This morning I said something funny (that she would have normally laughed about) and she looked away and rolled her eyes. She has entered the next level and I'm not ready for it.

I don't remember feeling that way about my mom until about 12.

What's the deal? Are other kids like this already?

She isn't embarrassed of me (yet). We still have a lot of fun together and she always wants to be around me, but she acts like I'm annoying as heck.

post #2 of 14

you mean at 7 she didnt ask you to stop kissing her in public?

 

well i think that attitude has been present in other kids at a younger age. dd's dad remembers being embarrased by his mom around this age when she went on field trips. 

 

yes to all that you said.

 

dd sometimes is annoyed by me. and sometimes i am also 'dumb'. mom why do i have to explain so much. why dotn you get it? uhmmm child because you need to be clearer.

 

oh and mine has also started separating from me. she has her own social life and chooses that instead of time with me. which i love and hate at the same time. i love watching her blossom.

 

and yeah we still cosleep and snuggle at night. i love all that great talk in bed. 

 

actually now that i think back, i remember finding my mom annoying too. i wanted to read and she would not let me. well i always wanted to constantly read. so i can understand my mom putting a stop to that, now that i am watching the same with dd. 

post #3 of 14

A few months back, DS (6 years old) said to me, "Mom, sometimes you say things to be funny, but you end up sounding lame."  thumb.gif

 

I've already announced to him my intention of seriously embarrassing him as he gets older.  Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha...this'll make up for all of those stressful restaurant experiences.

post #4 of 14



My kid's just shy of 9 and is starting the same stuff.  Luckily most of the time he still thinks mama's great, but I know that time is starting to go away.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by meemee View Post

dd sometimes is annoyed by me. and sometimes i am also 'dumb'. mom why do i have to explain so much. why dotn you get it? uhmmm child because you need to be clearer.

 

 That's hilarious!  We go through the same thing.  He'll say something like "Hey, Mom, you know that thing?" "What thing" "Oh my gosh! The thing! Oh never mind" complete with eye roll.



Quote:
Originally Posted by DidiToo View Post

A few months back, DS (6 years old) said to me, "Mom, sometimes you say things to be funny, but you end up sounding lame."  thumb.gif

 

I've already announced to him my intention of seriously embarrassing him as he gets older.  Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha...this'll make up for all of those stressful restaurant experiences.


I'm so looking forward to doing that!  ROTFLMAO.gif

post #5 of 14

My dd turned 9 yesterday and I haven't gotten this at all.  I don't even want to say "yet" because I hope it never happens and at this point there are no indicators that it will.  Maybe that's pie in the sky.  I'm still "Mommy", too, not "Mom".  She is so mature in so many ways, but I'm still her favorite person.  Whatever happens, we'll continue to talk about and model respect, as things like eye rolling and calling someone "lame" is simply not acceptable in our house.  I don't believe that this kind of behavior is something you just have to expect.  It makes me sad to think others think that it might be the status quo that one must just come to terms with ( I guess I mean the fatalistic attitude).


Edited by velochic - 2/9/11 at 4:00pm
post #6 of 14
Quote:
Originally Posted by velochic View Post

 I don't believe that this kind of behavior is something you just have to expect.  It makes me sad to think others think that it might be the status quo that one must just come to terms with ( I guess I mean the fatalistic attitude).



I think it's a matter of perspective.  I let DS1's assertions of independence roll off my back.  It's okay with me if he thinks my humor is lame.  Hey, sometimes it is.  orngbiggrin.gif

 

But, bottom line, no reason to feel sad about it.  He can feel how he feels; I am who I am.  It's not fatalism so much as not taking immature reactions so seriously.  I think pre-teenagerhood and the teenage years can be such an insecure time for them - I mean, I remember feeling this way - and I'm okay with everything that comes with the awkwardness of developing into an adult. 

post #7 of 14
Quote:
Originally Posted by velochic View Post

My dd turned 9 yesterday and I haven't gotten this at all.  I don't even want to say "yet" because I hope it never happens and at this point there are no indicators that it will.  Maybe that's pie in the sky.  I'm still "Mommy", too, not "Mom".  She is so mature in so many ways, but I'm still her favorite person.  Whatever happens, we'll continue to talk about and model respect, as things like eye rolling and calling someone "lame" is simply not acceptable in our house.  I don't believe that this kind of behavior is something you just have to expect.  It makes me sad to think others think that it might be the status quo that one must just come to terms with ( I guess I mean the fatalistic attitude).


I think what the OP and other posters describe are signs of being annoyed or bored with something a parent is doing, and while the expression isn't the most appropriate I don't think that the feelings are wrong.  I think that being annoyed with something your parents do (or with your parents in general) and expressing your annoyance inappropriately are things that most kids do, even some adults do those things.  I don't think it means our kids think we are completely lame or that once our kids let us know we aren't always cool and entertaining that we are automatically going to be bumped down in status from a favorite and loved person to the status of that lame person that our kids have to live with until they are 18, but I do think that all kids will at some point find some of the things we do to be annoying, unfair, and possibly a little boring or lame and they will express those feelings.  My dd has even been angry with me a few times in her life and I don't see that as a bad thing.  I am still her favorite person, we spend almost all of our time together, and I am and will always be Mama to her but that doesn't mean either of us is always happy with each other and the habits that we each have.  I would be very worried about my dd if she only ever expressed positive emotions, repressing emotions like anger and annoyance is really not an emotionally or physically healthy thing to do.  I believe that all emotions should be expressed in appropriate ways.  I don't think that there is a black and white line where you can say either you are either important to your child's life or did something your child finds boring.  I would be really surprised if in almost nine years of living with you your child has never once found you boring, annoying, or infuriating.  I would also be very surprised if she only expresses herself appropriately and has never once done otherwise, if that is the case I think you should count yourself very lucky because most kids do things that we find the need to redirect from time to time.

 

post #8 of 14
Quote:
Originally Posted by velochic View Post

My dd turned 9 yesterday and I haven't gotten this at all.  I don't even want to say "yet" because I hope it never happens and at this point there are no indicators that it will.  Maybe that's pie in the sky.  I'm still "Mommy", too, not "Mom".  She is so mature in so many ways, but I'm still her favorite person.  Whatever happens, we'll continue to talk about and model respect, as things like eye rolling and calling someone "lame" is simply not acceptable in our house.  I don't believe that this kind of behavior is something you just have to expect.  It makes me sad to think others think that it might be the status quo that one must just come to terms with ( I guess I mean the fatalistic attitude).


I don't think there's anything out of the ordinary about things we posted.  And I hate that no one can commiserate on a thread about something their kid is going through without one poster swooping in and saying "oh well MY kid doesn't do that".  That's great.  It doesn't mean there's anything abnormal about a kid who is doing something like that.

 

We have lots of talks about respect and listening and behaving politely.  But I don't sit my kids down at 2 years old and tell them eye rolling is inappropriate.  It's something most kids try out and I think most learn pretty quickly that it isn't the thing to do.

 

I think the relationship you have with your daughter is wonderful.  No two people are the same and no two parent/kid relationships will be the same.  I'm my kid's favorite person too.  Doesn't mean I don't annoy him and he doesn't annoy me.  These kids are 8-9 years old, figuring out how things work and trying to deal with growing up and other kids and life in general.  Trying out an eye roll just isn't that huge of a deal to me.

post #9 of 14

All I'm saying is that it's sad that people are so fatalistic about it... like it's inevitable that your kid will stop liking you.  Never stop loving you, but to feel like they don't want to spend any time with you.  My dd is still very much a child.  She isn't at the point that others' girls are yet... but I'm also not just assuming that when she gets there that she will be "too cool" for me or thinking that I'm "lame".  I'd like to look forward to that time as even greater bonding as I help her through her journey to becoming a woman.  It's not about commiseration.  My point was to say that it doesn't HAVE to be that way.  That's all.  I'm not going to assume that my dd will stop liking me.  I'm going to keep a positive attitude about "the next level" (as a pp stated it).

post #10 of 14

i guess we all have our own opinions. and i am glad that a home where lame is not welcomed, the child does not say it.

 

depends a lot on personality too. mine was a HNs baby to intense child for whom expression is HUGE. plus our own circumstances. dd has a lot on her plate being coparented. she needs a place to vent. a place where she has freedom of expression - no matter what it is. actually the same applies to my friends.

 

any of those 'i hate you', the look, lame - whatever inappropriate comments they are - i see them as a badge of honour. i welcome them with open arms. because that talks to me more than anything else. it tells me two things. 1. what they themselves are going thru 2. the biggest compliment i can receive. that they are so comfortable with me that they can hit out without wondering if i will be mad or hurt. gosh they feel at home with me.

 

my dd being as intense as she is she needs a safe place to let it out. she has to watch herself everywhere. even at her dads. esp. at her dads. she needs a punching bag to guide her thru these social manners. of course what helps me thru this is my favourite quote from Mrs Incredible "This is NOT! ABOUT! YOU!"

 

i absolutely LOOOOVE that my dd is too cool for me. i love it that my dd loves me and hates me in equal measure. i love that while my dd is rude to me she is never ever disrespectful. if anything if anyone ANYONE including her father says anything against me which she believes is completely untrue - you better beware!!!! when ex suddenly started calling me names and dd couldnt stop him she spoke to her teacher who spoke to him and thankfully he stopped. thru dd's expression we were able to work with what are socially acceptable modes of anger.

 

two of my closest friends who have done SOOOO much for me... have also been the rudest to me. the thing is they werent meaning to be rude. they were under soooo much stress that they were just trying to cope. instead of anger i was filled with compassion and kept quiet and figured out ways i could help them.

 

btw velochic i think its personallity. i was a pretty mellow child. i think its personality. my mom called me a good child because except for a few times in my teenage years i was never ever rude to her.

post #11 of 14

Well dd is almost eleven and she still likes to hug me and talk about her day and have me come in her bed at night and talk.  But we still have times where I annoy her..and she annoys me lol.  She likes me to stand with her at her bus stop and talk to her while she waits for her bus but as the bus approaches she wants me to back off so she doesnt look like a baby.  I respect that although she loves me and wants to be close to me that she's getting to an age where she wants to look cool with her friends which is important.  Of course I still have pangs of waah, she's not my baby anymore but I'm glad we are as close as we are.  We watch movies where the mom shouts "I LOVE YOU"like in about a boy where the poor kid was so humillated and she says "you wont do that, right mom?" lol.  We joke around about it cause she knows I won't really embarrass her so I say things like "today I'm going to get on your bus and shout goodbye honey make good choices like the mom in freaky friday!"

post #12 of 14
Thread Starter 



 

Quote:
Originally Posted by velochic View Post

My dd turned 9 yesterday and I haven't gotten this at all.  I don't even want to say "yet" because I hope it never happens and at this point there are no indicators that it will.  Maybe that's pie in the sky.  I'm still "Mommy", too, not "Mom".  She is so mature in so many ways, but I'm still her favorite person.  Whatever happens, we'll continue to talk about and model respect, as things like eye rolling and calling someone "lame" is simply not acceptable in our house.  I don't believe that this kind of behavior is something you just have to expect.  It makes me sad to think others think that it might be the status quo that one must just come to terms with ( I guess I mean the fatalistic attitude).



I lost my whole reply.

Here goes.

I never said anything rude or disrespectful to my mom either. I didn't feel these feelings until much later. I still didn't say anything, but sure did feel them.

I don't feel like a little eye roll here and there or "mom. you're lame", is really so bad. I honestly feel it would be too stifling to not allow it (if it's not done maliciously)

I think (almost) every kid goes through this. Whether they express it or not is a different story.

There might be times when I'll have to say, "Keep that to yourself", but for now its really not a big deal. I just wasn't expecting it so early.

I do think it is an inevitable part of childhood. I think it is the way they figure out who they want to be.

Some kids are allowed to express it, some not, some may not feel the need to.

I understand what you mean by being sad that people think it's the status quo. Until DD started her little eye rolls, I was thinking I was going to escape or at least DD would be quiet about it like I was. It doesn't mean anything has changed about our relationship. She calls me mommy and wants to be with me every second, but she is just trying to show me and herself that she is separate, an individual, and not an extension of me. I think it's healthy and OK. It doesn't have to be sad.

post #13 of 14

I'm reading a very thought provoking book called "The Curse of the Good Girl" by Rachel Simmons.  I'm just digging in to it.  There are some eye opening pieces about how we can sometimes judge our relationships with our daughters by lack of conflict, which is not healthy on many different levels.

post #14 of 14

ok today my dd called me old fashioned. because i wanted to listen to the Go gos. one song. and not taylor swift. or lady gaga. we share some same songs ... but i think she is starting to see me as a person and not her mother and she is seeing our difference.

 

man old fashioned. that stung. though i did lol.

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