Kindergarten teacher told DD that her 18 month old brother shouldnt be nursing..

[ErinsJuneBug]

..title pretty much says it all. I'm PISSED (can i say pissed on here?)!!

Her teacher is a pretty intense know-it-all to begin with, but this totally just pushed me over the edge! I hate that my daughter is getting this influence and i just dont know what to do. I really dont want to burn bridges, because really she only has 3 more months of school left, and i dont want the teacher to take it out on my daughter.

I'm still trying to decide if i should talk to the director of the school or not....

grrrrr.

[hildare]

i would talk to the teacher directly if it were me.  you might keep her from spreading her ignorance.  why on earth would the teacher feel the need to comment on something so personal, anyway?  sheesh.

[kythe]

I wonder what she would say if she found out a kid in her class was still nursing. Mine was...

Have you spoken with the teacher directly? I have found I sometimes hear a different story from a teacher than my child. This isn't a judgment on who's version is more correct. Its just good to have a complete picture before making major decisions.

I think I would approach this with the principal, or whoever is the next higher up if I didn't get a satisfactory answer from the teacher. But I also don't think breastfeeding is the key issue here. The most important point is that it isn't appropriate for a teacher to make personal comments about your parenting in front of your child, and especially not behind your back. It violates professional boundaries. The breastfeeding issue is secondary.

[PatioGardener]

how old is your daughter? i agree with the pps who said to talk to the teacher, but i also would suggest talking to your daughter.

when i was in elementary school (age 7 i think) a teacher told me that i could not be a doctor when i grew up because I was a girl. In front of the entire class.

i was so angry, but kept quiet and told my mom that night. My mom not only reassured me that I could be a doctor if i really wanted and if I worked hard, but she also told me about how some people haven't thought about or learned about different ideas, so they continue to live in their world with only their ideas. We talked about how sad it is not to at least consider another way of living and how much that teacher was missing out on. We also talked about picking your battles, so I didn't go back to school and tell the teacher that i could be a doctor if I wanted (the teacher had decided that I would be a nurse), but I did tell all my friends that i felt sad for the teacher because she hadn't heard that women could do any job that men could do!

Anyway, long story short, this may be a great time to talk to your daughter about manifestations of ignorance, and how how to start to deal with such things.

Oh, and way to go nursing your 18 month old

[ErinsJuneBug]

Thanks for your input everyone.

My daughter is 5 1/2 and her brother goes to the same center as she does. She and the teacher were working on some words, and the teacher has the kids spell them and then use them in a sentence. The word was "fuss" and DD said "When my brother fusses mommy nurses him." The teacher told her that "if he's in Miss. Janes class he should not be nursing."  He's in Miss Jane's 12 - 20 month class.

Of course as soon as DD got in the car she blurted out "Miss ---" said DB should not be nursing anymore."

We did have a big discussion about differences and how I am the mommy and do what is right for my kids and my family. But i was just blown away that she felt the need to say that to DD.  

[journeymom]

This was a good lesson for your daughter, she learned that adults, even teachers, can do objectionable things.  I agree with Kythe. This is more about her inappropriate comment to your dd about you.  This woman is entitled to her ignorant opinion but she should not have countered your parenting choice to your daughter like that, especially since your nursing your younger child does not effect her classroom one bit. It's absolutely none of her business. I don't think you should let it go. You should at least put the teacher on notice that you know what happened.  Send her a note saying something like, "DD says you told her that my child should not be nursing anymore. Perhaps there has been a misunderstanding? You know how kids can be. However I must insist that you bring any issues you have with my parenting to me, and do not discuss it with my five year old daughter." 

Or words to that effect. Miss Manners would word it better. Lol!

[JudiAU]

I'd talk to the teacher directly and unless there was an immediate and profuse apology I'd speak to the directly. I think her comment was grossly inappropriate (plus uninformed, but that is another issue).

[rebecca_n]

[soso-lynn]

I would be furious and would not only talk to the teacher both about her ignorance and her lack of professionalism but I would also use whatever formal complaint process exists in that school.

[BananaBreadGirl]

I would ask to schedule a discussion with her and a supervisor (someone to mediate or witness the discussion, so that if it goes poorly there is no "she said this....no I didn't" later). I think that you deserve an apology, and that your daughter deserves an explanation from the teacher that what she said earlier was wrong. I doubt you'll get that, but that's what you deserve. 

Wouldn't it be cool if most of the kids in the 12-20 month class WERE nursing? Do you know of any other kids in that class that are nursing?

[averlee]

I would address the teacher directly on several levels. For one thing, she is misinformed. Every baby in the 12-20 month room should be nursing. Babies need breastmilk for at least 2 years, anyone who works with small children should have learned that in child development class.  

I find the comment offensive on several other levels as well. I find the implication that your kindergarten daughter is somehow responsible for your nursing her infant brother especially troublesome. What does the teacher expect your daughter to do, wean him? Why is she giving "should not" comments to your daughter in a classroom where "should nots" are reserved for standing on chairs and pulling hair?

Thirdly, in many cultures and religions, babies are nursed much longer than the 2 year minimum. Teachers are supposed to be at least somewhat aware of a sensitivity toward a multicultural classroom. This type of comment violates the "safe space" multicultural classroom model.

And, personally, I would take my kids out of a school that hires teachers who spread blatant misinformation. And I would not feel comfortable leaving my child in the care of someone who made a comment like that. I would also want to withdraw my financial support, because I don't want to pay someone to say rude and wrong things to my kids.

[sere234]

Remember: a harsh answer turns away wrath ( or something like that!). This lady is obviously uninformed and would probably listen and understand much better if you do it gently.

Of course I'd want to yell at her!!!!! But I know how many times I've been ignorant and try to keep that in mind when approaching her. Maybe make it a joking/interesting explanation and she might be more open.

[kythe]

Originally Posted by averlee 

I would address the teacher directly on several levels. For one thing, she is misinformed. Every baby in the 12-20 month room should be nursing. Babies need breastmilk for at least 2 years, anyone who works with small children should have learned that in child development class.  

I find the comment offensive on several other levels as well. I find the implication that your kindergarten daughter is somehow responsible for your nursing her infant brother especially troublesome. What does the teacher expect your daughter to do, wean him? Why is she giving "should not" comments to your daughter in a classroom where "should nots" are reserved for standing on chairs and pulling hair?

Thirdly, in many cultures and religions, babies are nursed much longer than the 2 year minimum. Teachers are supposed to be at least somewhat aware of a sensitivity toward a multicultural classroom.

Averlee, I believe it is developmentally normal for children under 2 years old to be nursing, but I don't remember studying this in any college course I've taken. I'm in the US, this may be different elsewhere. I've taken a child development course, human development through the life span, and nursing school, and haven't seen extended breastfeeding addressed in this context. I've heard more about breastfeeding on parenting forums and from personal research. I'm just trying to say that I don't believe issues about breastfeeding are common knowledge in professional circles. I wouldn't expect an average teacher in my area to be well-versed on this issue.

I also wouldn't consider taking a child out of school over this issue alone. I can think of many times over the years when I have come to realize that something I learned in school or from a specific teacher wasn't correct. We're all human, and imperfect. This is where learning critical thinking skills come in. School should be about more than just memorizing trivia you are fed. Even kindergarden isn't too young to start learning to think things through yourself.

[abm79]

Originally Posted by kythe 

Originally Posted by averlee 

I would address the teacher directly on several levels. For one thing, she is misinformed. Every baby in the 12-20 month room should be nursing. Babies need breastmilk for at least 2 years, anyone who works with small children should have learned that in child development class.  

I find the comment offensive on several other levels as well. I find the implication that your kindergarten daughter is somehow responsible for your nursing her infant brother especially troublesome. What does the teacher expect your daughter to do, wean him? Why is she giving "should not" comments to your daughter in a classroom where "should nots" are reserved for standing on chairs and pulling hair?

Thirdly, in many cultures and religions, babies are nursed much longer than the 2 year minimum. Teachers are supposed to be at least somewhat aware of a sensitivity toward a multicultural classroom.

Averlee, I believe it is developmentally normal for children under 2 years old to be nursing, but I don't remember studying this in any college course I've taken. I'm in the US, this may be different elsewhere. I've taken a child development course, human development through the life span, and nursing school, and haven't seen extended breastfeeding addressed in this context. I've heard more about breastfeeding on parenting forums and from personal research. I'm just trying to say that I don't believe issues about breastfeeding are common knowledge in professional circles. I wouldn't expect an average teacher in my area to be well-versed on this issue.

I also wouldn't consider taking a child out of school over this issue alone. I can think of many times over the years when I have come to realize that something I learned in school or from a specific teacher wasn't correct. We're all human, and imperfect. This is where learning critical thinking skills come in. School should be about more than just memorizing trivia you are fed. Even kindergarden isn't too young to start learning to think things through yourself.

It seems to be a US thing that they avoid discussions of breastfeeding and the benefits with long-term use.  Many texts and health professions in other areas of the world are made aware of the benefits of long term breastfeeding, specifically those based on WHO standards (which is 6 months exclusive BF and 2 years BF minimum).  I agree though that it may be a bit much to think teachers have this type of knowledge, though they should!!! 

As for pulling the child, I would consider it myself, but only after talking to the teacher and director.  It's not so much about the misinformation as it is about the manner it was presented to the child and the condescention that seemed to go with it.