Big toddlers being "mean" to little toddlers - WWYD?

[Addie]

I wasn't quite sure how to title this, and I'm not even quite sure how to write it out, so bear with me...

I have a 14.5 month old, he's my first. He's walking and interacting more with objects and other people. Every day this week, I've encountered a situation where a bigger toddler - say, a 2-3 year old - has been "mean" to him. I say "mean" because I know the bigger kids aren't trying to be mean, and that many older toddlers don't have much patience for younger kids or want to play with them. It's mostly harmless stuff - they'll push him, or snatch a toy from him, or get in between him and the thing he's trying to get to. Or DS will wander over to what they're doing and they'll push him away.

I'm not exaggerating when I say this has happened every day this week - at the library, at playgroup, and at the children's museum. I'm realizing that it's something that just happens - my question is, as the parent of the youngin', how do you respond? I admit that my instinct is to protect DS. Today a girl pushed him over to get to the toy he was playing with, and I instinctively something like, "you don't need to push." Her mom came over and talked to her, and asked if DS was ok, which of course he was.

Do you let the kids hash it out themselves? Do you say something to the bigger kid, if the parent isn't around? I mean, I know it's something kids do, but I also wouldn't want my kid mowing down smaller kids and not having anyone notice.

Gah. This only gets worse, huh?

[scottishmommy]

I'd shadow your ds and gently remind bigger kids not to push or snatch toys etc. I personally see nothing wrong with intervening in these situations.

[carmel23]

I think what you did was fine-- I just try to be respectful and direct when talking to other kids.  Just say, "we don't push!" Or whatever, and then move on. 

[crunchy_mommy]

Yup, what the others said. DS is small & walked early, so when he was younger I pretty much always had to be right behind him to protect him if someone pushed hard or whatever. Luckily he was never the type to get upset over it... within a few months (I guess around 18mos for my DS) it will get easier, because your little guy will get stronger/sturdier and getting pushed/pulled/knocked over/etc. won't be such a danger to him. At 14mos your guy is probably still kind of 'fragile' in a sense (unsteady etc.) but soon he'll be able to hold his own & work things out without you feeling like you're constantly intervening. Just stay right by him & respectfully intervene when appropriate -- I usually say something like, "Oh, careful, can you walk around him? DS is little!" You know, just gently remind the kids around him that he's much littler and they're not 'bad' or anything, they just need to be extra cautious around him. You might also try some more structured activities if the free play thing is too stressful for you right now. This stage will be over before you know it.

[t2009]

Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy 

Yup, what the others said. DS is small & walked early, so when he was younger I pretty much always had to be right behind him to protect him if someone pushed hard or whatever. Luckily he was never the type to get upset over it... within a few months (I guess around 18mos for my DS) it will get easier, because your little guy will get stronger/sturdier and getting pushed/pulled/knocked over/etc. won't be such a danger to him. At 14mos your guy is probably still kind of 'fragile' in a sense (unsteady etc.) but soon he'll be able to hold his own & work things out without you feeling like you're constantly intervening. Just stay right by him & respectfully intervene when appropriate -- I usually say something like, "Oh, careful, can you walk around him? DS is little!" You know, just gently remind the kids around him that he's much littler and they're not 'bad' or anything, they just need to be extra cautious around him. You might also try some more structured activities if the free play thing is too stressful for you right now. This stage will be over before you know it.

Bolded is what I've used in the past, especially in your situation OP -- when DS was just learning to walk & explore (so, slow & fragile). Making it about your LO makes it much less likely that the bigger kids will think your reprimanding them (also, if a parent over hears, they'll be less "offended" as well).

[justKate]

Yep, what the PP said.  I like that alot. My DD is 2 and small, but ah, pushy, shall we say.  I would really appreciate another parent saying, "we don't push" or "watch out for Johnny, he's little" or even involving them, like "careful! Johnny is little. can you show him how to walk carefully?"  I try to keep a close eye on her, but geez, she's quick. 

[Addie]

Thanks, everyone. It's such a buzzkill to be standing there, admiring my little guy as he walks around interacting and being cute, and then WHAM! he gets knocked on his butt. This is a new thing for me, I'm sure as he gets older it won't seem so sad!
 

Originally Posted by t2009 
Making it about your LO makes it much less likely that the bigger kids will think your reprimanding them (also, if a parent over hears, they'll be less "offended" as well).

That's a really good point. I'm pretty non-confrontational, so I think part of my worry is having some parent get mad at me for reprimanding their kid.

Originally Posted by justKate 

Yep, what the PP said.  I like that alot. My DD is 2 and small, but ah, pushy, shall we say.  I would really appreciate another parent saying, "we don't push" or "watch out for Johnny, he's little" or even involving them, like "careful! Johnny is little. can you show him how to walk carefully?"  I try to keep a close eye on her, but geez, she's quick. 

That's good to hear, thanks!