I'd rather be working...

[Everrgreen]

I don't know where to put this..

I am so tired of being home with my son.  I'm bored.  I'm frustrated.  I am not enjoying it.  At all.  Sounds so awful I know.  I am a single mom on government assistance at the moment.  I have a university degree but I never used it after graduation because we moved so much for my husbands career and then he left me.  I really can't get a job any better than minimum wage and I'm going back to school in September so I'm not sure if it's worth it to put a ton of energy into job hunting at this point.  Plus my son would have to go to daycare for the first time and then switch to a new daycare in September.  And I have no child support at the moment so I'm not sure how I would pay for daycare alone and still make enough money to live off of.  I feel so trapped.  I wish I could just go get a job but it seems so complicated.  But I am really struggling here being at home with him.  It's extra tough too because it's winter so we can't get outside.  I am going crazy!  I feel depressed and totally stressed.  I don't know what to do.  I really just feel so trapped right now and I hate it :(

[PiggyPiggyOinkOink]

Hugs to you. Can you find a volunteer position to get you out of the house in the meantime? I understand not being able to find a good enough paying job for childcare and the added expenses of working, but maybe a volunteer position in your field of choice can help you get your foot in the door of that profession before you get back to school. 

Also, it's not awful to feel that way. We are not all cut out to be SAHMs. It doesn't work that way. It's ok to want to work. It's ok to have your son in daycare. He would likely love it after his adjustment period. Most kids love the social interaction at the very least. 

[plantnerd]

There is nothing awful about feeling unfullfilled by being a sahm.  It can sometimes be difficult to see the forest for the trees on mdc, with so many women "sahm, homeschooling, mom of 8" or whatnot.  But there are also a lot of us like you---I'm home with my 15 month old and going bonkers!!!

We are all different and have different needs.  Kids in daycare are just as loved and cared for as kids that stay home.  Do what YOU need to do to feel happy!

[mommy212]

I am not in nearly as stressful a situation as you, but I am also boored crazy out of my mind staying at home as well. I crave interaction (we have one car that dh goes to work in at 5 am) and can't go anywhere or do anything and nothing is within walking distance to me. My career plan atm is to join the Army, which means i will be gone for appx 9 moths for training. DH deploys late 2012 so my option is either to go asap while ds is still very young (he is 15 mo atm) or wait until DH comes back from deployment  in 2013 and then go. I am not enjoying being at home and i think the only benefit to ds is that he can continue to nurse during the day. We live in apartments so no backyard to enjoy, and no sidewalsk in the area to walk. I just spend all day thinking of what else i could be doing. 

[lizfu]

I am a bonkers SAHM as well.  You are NOT alone!  I lost my part-time job in the fall and am totally struggling.  Are there playgroups in your area? I've been going to some at our local elementary schools and our library and it makes such a difference in my day to get out. 

[Learning_Mum]

I completely, completely understand. Also a single SAHM. I have struggled with depression for years, which has got worse since having DS1 5 years ago. I realised it's because I feel unfulfilled. I don't get fulfillment from stay home with my kids. I love them. I WANT to be home with them but I need something else FOR ME.

Find a hobby, make new friends, get out at any opportunity, don't let the focus of your life be your child and the house. I know that sounds bad, and I know that kids need to come first but they also need a happy Mum and if that means watching a DVD while you do something for you, so be it.

[Everrgreen]

Thanks everyone for the hugs and advice.  It really is just feeling unfulfilled.  I do go to the early years centre when I can and my son loves that.  I think he's just as bored with me as I am with him!  I honestly think he would *prefer* daycare in many ways.  I am really really looking forward to being in school and eventually having my own career.  I don't feel proud of myself right now. 

[Snapdragon]

I am sorry you are feeling that way :( That is such a hard situation- I think you should feel proud of yourself for holding it together as well as you do! I am just wondering about your living situation? Is that flexible at all? I know you said you have no extra money- but are you stuck living where you live, and do you like where you live? I know I moved after having ds from somewhere isolated (which I loved) to, for the time being, somewhere where I can walk to see other people and go to the store etc- not a city, but right in a town- and for the time being it has really helped with some of those challenging feelings- just to be able to get out and be around others easily. I know moving is a big deal and often requires lots of money- so I am not saying it is the only answer- but I am curious how you feel about where you live and if it is a place you like- or if you hope to move? good luck with everything. :hug