............hopefully before I have a nervous break down and lose my mind. I hope this post doesn't get too long, I am so tired, beyond exhausted. DD is 6.5 months old now and is up constantly at night, I can barely function during the day. Some nights are okay and I'll get a couple 3-4 hour blocks of sleep (and notice I feel a lot better when this happens), unfortunately this is rare, most nights I don't get near that long and lately we've had lots of nights of nursing every 2 hours. Co-sleeping didn't work for us, if she's beside me she needs to be latched on and instead of getting more sleep, we get less. Although I may try again tonight just to see if it helps but I'm a very light sleeper, have a very hard time getting to sleep and I can't see it working. So there are many nights where I get 2-3 chunks of 1.5 hours of sleep at a time.
I can't function anymore, it's really negatively affecting my life, my family, my mood and my health. I often read on here and see people writting almost cheerfully that they just gave up sleeping for years at a time and it's like that is just expected.....anything less is subpar. I really feel like mom's needs are sometimes pushed aside and I feel guilty admitting I can't do it. Of course baby's needs are important but if I'm not doing well, I can't look after everyone else. I'm prone to depression and anxiety and this increases with lack of sleep. Right now I am exhausted to the point where I dream about walking out and going somewhere to sleep for a week straight or weaning DD so I can leave her with grandparents for the weekend so I can sleep. I probably won't do either but it's a fantasy at this point. My marriage is suffering because we're both so exhausted and run down, we are irritable and grumpy. We are sick all the time (and never used to be). I have another child to look after and this isn't fair for her, she's 3.5 and requires a lot of energy and patience. Some days drag by and I spent way more time then I'd like sitting on the couch (sometimes crying because all I want is a nap)...instead of playing with my girls I'm just watching TV and trying to make it through the day. I don't have the energy to get back into shape (something that is required for when I return to work in 5 months) and I worry about DH being so tired at work (his job is quite dangerous). We have the same job and I know I couldn't do it with this lack of sleep.........not sure how he's managing. I'm seeing a counsellor and she has reinforced how integral sleep is to well being, mood and health but on here it really seems to be down played.
I guess I'm rambling but I wonder when I have to draw the line and look after me. I'm not talking about doing CIO but something has to happen. We've hired a sleep consultant and she knows I won't do CIO but she's said some crying is going to happen because baby won't be happy when things change.(won't be crying by herself). She also knows I'm not going to nightwean. Everytime I come on this board I feel tremendous guilt because I can't live up to the ideal and I might have to sleep train my DD or else go crazy..... I really don't know what else to do.