CIO Houseguest Making me Crazy!

[Lamashtu]

My best girlfriend from law school and her 6 month old son are visiting us.  I absolutely adore my girlfriend and her adorable baby but one thing is driving me crazy. 

She employs the CIO method to get him to sleep.  They are staying together in one of the guest bedrooms which is right next to the room where I/DH/DD sleep.  It is so hard to listen to the poor little guy cry and cry and cry...  Last night I looked at the clock at one point and realized he had been crying for 45 minutes straight.

It's affecting my sleep and that of DD (DH could sleep through a nuclear blast), plus it is upsetting to me to hear him crying.  Is there anything I can say to my friend?  They'll be here for 6 more days.

[beebalmmama]

Are you sure she is CIO and not trying/struggling to get him back to sleep? I know sometimes my dc's would not sleep well in a new place, especially if we didn't co-sleep.

I would ask her how she slept and then let her know that you didn't sleep so great. I wouldn't want to make her feel too bad that the baby kept you up. If it were me and I was struggling to comfort my child to put them down, I'd already feel awful that I may have been keeping everyone up. But then like I said it depends on if you really know she was CIO with him.

[Lamashtu]

Hi, Beebalmmama,

I wish she WERE snuggling him and trying to help him sleep but unfortunately, she is very much on board with the CIO school of thought.

She asked me this morning if they kept me up last night and I said they didn't.  Maybe I shouldn't have lied but I don't know WHAT I should say.  It's not so much that I care about being kept up as I feel so bad for her baby!

[soso-lynn]

I would never let a child be abused or mistreated in my house so I would say something.

The only question is how to go about it without ruining your friendship. Maybe you can go talk to her when the baby is crying tonight. I would probably go in there and offer to help comforting the baby.

[peainthepod]

Yikes, I couldn't handle that. I like soso-lynn's idea of offering to help, and if she refused that I guess it would be time to have the (hopefully gentle) awkward conversation about how CIO is unacceptable in our house because we consider it to be neglectful and cruel and isn't there a way we can keep baby's needs met while giving mama a bit of a break? I'd be more than happy to stay up with a crying baby so she could get some sleep or just go veg out alone for a spell.

It might very well ruin the friendship but for me, CIO and spanking are hills to die on. I refuse to tolerate child abuse under my roof.

What a tough situation, mama. Sorry you're stuck in it.  

[lizfu]

I wouldn't get into the philosophical aspects of CIO if you don't want to debate it - I'd just say, "I am finding it a little hard to take when little Junior is crying so much at night. I'll bet it's hard for him to fall asleep in a new place. Can I help you out by rocking her?" IF she says it's normal for her to cry so much, then just say, "Well, I/the family can't sleep/read/etc when it's going on." 

[soso-lynn]

Originally Posted by lizfu 

I wouldn't get into the philosophical aspects of CIO if you don't want to debate it - I'd just say, "I am finding it a little hard to take when little Junior is crying so much at night. I'll bet it's hard for him to fall asleep in a new place. Can I help you out by rocking her?" IF she says it's normal for her to cry so much, then just say, "Well, I/the family can't sleep/read/etc when it's going on." 

That would completely miss the point. I am sure the OP would not mind being awaken if the baby was just extra loud. It is the sound of the cry that is the problem, it is the fact that the child is not being cared for.

[Lisa1970]

I would not tell her what I think of CIO to begin with, I would start by going straight to her room when the crying starts and ask if you can help. She will probably turn you away. But then come back 5 minutes later and offer to hold him or give him a warm bath for her. Do it with all the kindness you can muster. If she refuses you, come back 5 minutes later and ask if he is teething or something and needs tylenol. If she sends you away...come back 5 minutes later...and tell her the baby's crying is upsetting your baby so you would really like to help her. If she ever tells you in all this that she is doing CIO....try saying "it does not seem to be working." From there, if all this has not put an end to her behavior then I guess you will have to go with you are comfy with. You can tell her straight up that the CIO is upsetting to you and your baby and you would prefer if she not do it. But hopefully, before you get to that point, you could share some of your knowledge with her in a kind way and she will be receptive.