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They are my children, not my grandchildren!!! - Page 2

post #21 of 62
Hate to say it, but even the 11 yo, 11 yo, 8 yo scenario is not unheard of.

As for the OP, my step-mother is in her early 60s (62?) and she is a great-grandmother to (soon to be) 3. My DS is my father's first grandchild. My dad insisted on telling me all about the pg (15 yo) grandaughter while i was going through IF treatments.

In this day and age, there's no telling which way to guess.
post #22 of 62
Thread Starter 

Thanks all!  I know it's not outside the realm of possibility to be the grandmother, but I will admit that my feelings were slightly bruised by the comment.  I always think I'm pretty young-looking!  Maybe it's because I had my kids at 33, 35, and 38.....  When I lived in Indiana, I was all excited to get carded at the grocery when I bought beer, until they carded the 70 year old guy behind me.  Guess it's the law to card EVERYONE there.

post #23 of 62

I'm young enough that I don't have this issue and moms in my area tend to be older. It is my mom that gets offended when she happens to have one of my kids and someone thinks it is hers. lol.gif I've learned never to assume. When we first moved into this house, I thought is was great the grandpa down the road was riding bikes with his grandkids, nope turns out he is the dad and about 70. 

post #24 of 62

I was on a bus once. I would have been 21 or 22 years old. I had my daughter with me (she was 2) and my then-boyfriend, who was 23 or 24. Some lady asked him how old his daughter was, meaning the 2 year old. He told her. Then she asked how old his "other daughter" was, meaning me! We were both agog. Yes I have always looked young, but not young enough to be the child of an at most 24 year old, who looked his age! Yup, some people are just clueless. 

 

I've always tried to err on the younger side of the equation. Even in situations where I strongly suspect the accompanying female is the grandmother, I would say "mother." I've noticed that people are aging pretty well these days. There's not always a lot of difference between a 40 year old and a 60 year old, and it's not because the 40 year old is haggard. 

post #25 of 62

Some people ARE clueless, though sometimes or another I think I have a big hair day and I wind up looking younger than I should.  I'm 36, no wrinkles or lines (yet) and have very fair skin.  The other day I looked young, and some days I look younger than others depending on how exhausted I am.  If my hair is fixed nice and I get good sleep I still do get carded so I'll take that as a good sign...

 

But, some people are so clueless...one day a guy came to our door and I opened and he asked if he could speak to my mom or dad.  Uh, hello?!?! I did have a really big, bouncy hair day (very long hair here too) and basically my response was...."Hey, I'm 33...how old do you think I am!"  Crazy.  

 

Though, I'll admit, I live in the south and I've met some really OLD looking 36 year olds.  One of my family members does a lot of outdoor sports, tennis, etc. and she has so many wrinkles.   

post #26 of 62
Quote:
Originally Posted by rhianna813 View Post

LOL Can I join this club? I am also 42 and have a 7 year old. I have a youthful face but really white hair. See my avatar pic. Luckily only the occassional salesperson makes a Grandma comment. "Grandma? Oh no, I birthed this kid from these here loins." and then give your inner thigh a nice smack. That should shut them up.

 

Rhianna

 


I love this!!! Now if I could only have the guts to use it!!

 

I guess I'm in the club too. I haven't been called my kids' grandma yet, but I suspect it's only a matter of time -- I'm 43 with a 1 yo and a 5 yo. DH on the other hand is 52 and has been assumed to be the grandpa lots of times. I guess it makes sense with him, he does look like a grandpa. 

 

That said, there was one time when I did think a woman at the park was the grandma and she turned out to be the kids' mom. I felt HORRIBLE, especially since I'm sensitive to this very issue myself! I just couldn't believe I'd said it. Never again, ever ever ever, will I say out loud that I think someone is a grandma or grandpa unless I know for sure they are. 

post #27 of 62

Welp I'm 42 with a 2 year old and no Grandma comments yet THANK GOODNESS but I'm sure it'll happen.  And I'll have to think of something smooth to say lol.

post #28 of 62

I hated having to card people when I worked at the movies - I'm not good at guessing ages, and I was always either amusing or offending some 30-year-old woman. Some of them took it as a compliment, but you'd be surprised how many didn't.

 

My sister and I were repeatedly mistaken for a couple at a parent and child exhibition we went to when I was pregnant with DD (in the stallholders' defense, we look nothing alike). And I used to get the occasional funny look if I took my little sister round town, when I was 14 and she was two.  Odder still was the time I had a job interview at a cake decorating store, and my father came to pick me up afterwards because we were all going out for Mum's birthday. I would have been about 17 at the time, he would have been, what, 55? Anyway, I didn't get the job; and found out later from a girl I knew who worked there, that it was because they thought it was creepy that I had an older boyfriend. I look ABSURDLY like my father... but then, maybe they thought that was creepy too? :p And on the other side of the coin, my supervisor at Uni once told me that my then-boyfriend was incredibly similar to me, that we both "spoke in an affected way", and that it "must be like dating your brother". For the record, we're both a tad Aspie and have prosody, but I didn't get the impression that I was the one lacking social skills that day...

post #29 of 62

Poor me. Dh and I are both 42, he's a couple months older. He's always looked 'youthful'.  Me, I've got a few grays, some evil liver spots on my face and more than my fair share of  Blip Blip wrinkles. Sigh.

 

 

Quote:
I didn't get the impression that I was the one lacking social skills that day...

Ooooh, right on!

 

post #30 of 62

comeback - 'oh, i am not their grandmother!  i am their great-grandmother!'

post #31 of 62

I'm 44 and haven't gotten the grandmother comment yet--or maybe I have, but have forgotten it due to my senility. I have gray and I look kind of old, but probably not older than a lot of parents. There was this one woman who used to bring her young child to the Little Gym class, and I thought she was the grandmother for a long time.  I think part of it was because she dressed nicely, and had a thick head of bobbed blonde hair that curled under.  Her hair was so light and uniformly blonde that it looked white.  And she wore glasses with plastic, dark-colored frames that are in style now, but at the time she was wearing them, she was on the cutting edge of fashion because most of us still had wire frames.  She looked kind of old-fashioned to me, and I always thought of her as the grandmother but then I got a good look at her face and realized she looked really young.  Glad I never said anything offensive!

 

I had a guy come to my door when I was in my 30's, and pause for a second, and then asked if my parents were home.  I think it was because I was in the entrenched soccer mom area of Orange county, and I was barefoot in jeans, t-shirt with messy hair.  I started talking kind of goofily and said, "Oh no, they're not home, they'll be back later."  

post #32 of 62

I'm 40.  I haven't gotten any direct comments but I'm getting all kinds of weird looks now that my son is 15 (almost 16).  He looks much older than most boys his same age.  He grows a full beard and dresses really classy with a wool trench coat and fedora.  I can only imagine what they are thinking.  Its funny to see the looks on their faces.  When we go out to eat,the waiter/waitress asks us if we need separate checks.  The first time that happened I was so confused, lol.  I actually said What?! and then the waitress was looking at me like an idiot.  It was funny. 

 

I have a very young sounding voice so I always get the "are you parents home" question on the phone.  I love it.  Its great for telemarketers.  I just answer honestly and say no, they aren't here!

post #33 of 62

I was just thinking about this subject the other day while picking up my 8th grader from school.  I'm probably one of the younger parents there now (I'm currently 35 - was almost 21 when dd1 was born), but when my youngest who is not quite 2yo now is in 8th grade, I'll be one of the so-called older parents.  I used to get the teen mom comments and now I look forward to getting the grandma comments.  Best of both worlds!  lol.gif

 

But really, what is the "normal" age to have kids, anyway?  We can't all be exactly 26 when all of our children are born.

post #34 of 62

I am often told that I look 'too young' to have a kid. I always want to ask how old you have to be to have babies! Because, really, I got my period when I was 12... I could have a LOT of kids by now! (I'm 23, by the way..). I also remember when I got married. My dad came with me to look at reception halls, and the woman showing us the hall thought that my dad was my fiance. That was a little awkward...


 

 

post #35 of 62

nm


Edited by ElliesMomma - 5/28/11 at 11:21pm
post #36 of 62

I've been on the receiving end of the grandparent comment and unfortunately have made it as well although in my defense it was to the dad who had a full head of white hair and a white beard and really must be in his 60s. I guess he could be a really mature looking 50-something, but definitely not a youngster. When the comment was made to me I was at the park with my kids who were on the swings. I was probably 43 or so at the time. The Latina woman next to me said something like, "Your grandkids?". Well, no. I guess it could be that way, though. I was 36 when my oldest was born so if I started when I was 18 and had a child who started when they were 18 I could be a grandma at 36.

 

What makes it so much weirder is that in my family on both my mom's side and especially on my dad's side we start late. Nearly 40 year generations are common. I'm 46 now and my mom is 85. I was going through some old papers recently and looked up my dad's dad's year of birth. I never met him as he died when my dad was a teen. So, this is my grandfather, just so we're all clear. My granddad would be 137 if he were alive now. He was born in 1875. I wonder how many generations there could have been in those years? I guess something like 5 or 6 if you went on a 25 or 20 yr generation? We just got 3 in.

post #37 of 62

Well, I was 17 when I got pg with my first, my mom was only 22 when she had me, so she became a grandma at 39.  My oldest is 15, so right about when teens typically start having sex.  I don't think she is, but having had her so young, I am not going to kid myself into thinking it's not possible.  And, in case of an accident, I could become a grandma at age 34.  Which is really scary but kinda redefines "grandma"  Maybe having kids young like that is common in their experience.  That's not really all that uncommon.

 

What I think is weird though is assuming any particular relation.  You could be mom or aunt or grandma or sister or babysitter or whoever.  Unless one of the kids identifies the person, it seems a little presumptuious to make any assumptions at all.  I used to work in a retail portrait studio and would always ask about the relation if they didn't already identify it (unless I knew them, I had quite a few regulars.)

post #38 of 62
Quote:
Originally Posted by happysmileylady View Post
What I think is weird though is assuming any particular relation.  You could be mom or aunt or grandma or sister or babysitter or whoever.  Unless one of the kids identifies the person, it seems a little presumptuious to make any assumptions at all.


I agree. The whole age thing aside, I try not to assume people's relationship to the kids they're with. Unless I hear the kid call someone "Mom" (or Grandma or whatever) I use neutral language. 

post #39 of 62

It must be regional.  In our area, people have their children later (35-40 for their first) so I always get the "sister" comments from anybody and everybody (I'm 31, but look a lot younger and have an 11 y/o and 10 y/o).  I don't know how you feel, but it feels pretty lousy when people mistake me for my children's sibling or even make jokes when they know I'm the mom.   

 

My own mother became a grandmother at 38 (and not even from her oldest child), if it makes you feel better. 

 

Also, I wouldn't even say anything.  I'm sure it's just an honest mistake so why try and make them feel bad?

 

post #40 of 62
Quote:
Originally Posted by SAHDS View Post

It must be regional.  In our area, people have their children later (35-40 for their first) so I always get the "sister" comments from anybody and everybody (I'm 31, but look a lot younger and have an 11 y/o and 10 y/o).  I don't know how you feel, but it feels pretty lousy when people mistake me for my children's sibling or even make jokes when they know I'm the mom.   

 

 


Interesting. I'd take the sister thing as a compliment.
 

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