Anti-Bullying Fiasco - Page 2

[treeoflife3]

In third grade, I was a bully.  Between trying really hard to fit in (I was always the loser new kid with no friends) and struggling with a screwed up home life and what I think looking back was depression, I kind of fell into it.  I was actually a really nice person even then but it got beat out I guess.

At any rate, my teacher ended up bullying me... or at least it really felt like it at the time.  It wasn't ongoing but I don't think she handled me appropriately at all.  I remember how absolutely horrible I felt.  I didn't MEAN to hurt anyone, I just really wanted friends and to fit in.  I still remember the strand of spit on her mouth as she was quietly yelling (does that make sense) at me.  I don't remember what she was saying anymore but I definitely remember how I felt.  I was scared and I just wanted to run away.  I've been in lots of trouble before and I didn't feel like that... I only remember that what she was saying to me isn't anywhere near how she should have handled it.  Well, I do remember her saying she was bullied as a kid... I guess she was taking that out on me.

I think I'd call the parents of the 'bullies' and make sure they are okay and that the parents know what happened.  The kids might not have told them.  It doesn't matter what they were doing to the other students, they deserve support against an adult who thinks it is okay to lead a bullying session against them.  Bullies can do some downright awful things (I have been on both ends... ) but that doesn't make a teacher sanctioned class hate fest okay ever.  especially not with 7 year olds.  I can't imagine there are too many 7 year olds who bully just for the fun of it anyway... they need adults who can actually help them.  Yes, the other students need to learn how to stick together against a bully... but when a bully gets 'turned in' so to speak, it shouldn't be about rubbing their face in it.

[sapphire_chan]

I think it's important for people who know what good and normal schools are like to contribute to these sorts of threads so we don't all end up feeling like this sort of absurd behavior is everywhere. =D

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by Belia 
You are right.  I was responding to the tone of many of the posts, as opposed to the actual content.  I should not have done this.

The entire "Learning at School" forum is often such a painful place for me to visit because I do work in a public school, yet many of the posts are so negative toward public school employees.  I think I need to stop visiting this forum altogether.  With all sincerity, thank you for the reminder.

OP-  Sorry if I derailed your thread.  I wish you and your second grader nothing but the best and hope you can resolve this situation.

I can see why you feel the way you do. There are forms on Mothering I don't visit!

the school social worker at my DDs middle school is one of my favorite people on the planet. My DD has some sn, and the social worker has been WONDERFUL to her. Because of some of my DDs issues, I see sides of her school and the staff that many people don't, and I have the greatest respect for them. I send them love and light, and deeply appreciate what they do.

It doesn't make an interesting thread, though. I don't need to vent. I don't need tips from other parents. It's just good stuff.

[Ellien C]

Originally Posted by Ellien C 

Not all "counselors" are well trained. Do you know anyone else in the field with more training? Perhaps they could recommend a better program. I have a feeling your counselor is mistinterpreting something. 

My apologies for whatever part I may have taken in slandering all school counselors. 
 

My mother was a school social worker for the last 10 or so of years of her career before she retired. She was an EXCELLENT  counselor. She ran a private practice, too as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. We are currently seeing a counselor with our daughter who came highly recommended, but has "only" a counseling certificate. I don't think all school counselors suck but I do think the amount of training is highly variable. I don't think training is the end all be all (as evidenced by using our own counselor who is lesser trained) but I do think more training might have prevented THIS particular counselor from acting like a second grader (as a PP pointed out) and would have given her the necessary tools to respond to the  "what research"  question.

I think the situation is appalling and was trying to mitigate the counselors blame by suggesting that perhaps she just isn't well trained. It is appalling to have adults and children ganging up on another kid, for ANY reason. There are ways to handle these things and that's not it. 

I love my small local public school for the record - title I funds, free lunch (for the majority), "failing" under NCLB school, for what it's worth. 

[Emmeline II]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move 

the school social worker at my DDs middle school is one of my favorite people on the planet. My DD has some sn, and the social worker has been WONDERFUL to her. Because of some of my DDs issues, I see sides of her school and the staff that many people don't, and I have the greatest respect for them. I send them love and light, and deeply appreciate what they do.

It doesn't make an interesting thread, though. I don't need to vent. I don't need tips from other parents. It's just good stuff.

Yes, people generally do not start threads just to say that their schools are meeting or exceeding their expectations, but to discuss a problem or vent--and responses often commiserate with them. I had a lot more to say last year when we were having problems with ds' school--this year he is at a new school that we are much happier with.
 

[sarafi]

OP here. I  wish we could have talked to the other parents, but we caught a flight on Saturday back to the states for medical reasons. I don't think we will be going back for at least six months, and don't have any of the other parents phone numbers. Honestly, I have more than enough going on right now but I do feel terribly for these children.

I also like counselors and am friends with many as my husband has been a teacher his whole career. I was just unaware as to the the extent of class time given  to counseling at our new school. Then to find out about this particular bullying lesson, leads me to have have serious doubts about this counselor's judgement. So if we had stayed longer, or if we end up being able to come home earlier we will be formally opting out on these lessons.

[arb]

Opting out addresses the issue for your kids. It's the right thing to do. If you have the energy though (and with family health & relocation challenges you may not!), I'd push it further. What the counselor did is shocking to me. No one has yet addressed (or if they did, I missed it and I apologize for not giving credit) the most disturbing issue, which is the serious breach of confidentiality her actions represent. If it's not against the rules of the school district, it is at best unethical to take her own insider's knowledge AS A COUNSELOR (that is, reports of the supposed bully's behavior from his or her neighbors) and share it with the child's peers as part of some bizarre public shaming ritual. UNBELIEVABLE.

[momma,mia]

I'm a school counselor and when I talk about bullying, I ask the kids not to say names out loud in class. We discuss standing beside the child being bullied and walking them away from the situation, etc.  I would definitely talk to the principal so that he/she is aware.  That really bothers me and sounds damaging to the kiddos.  I'm not saying that counselor may not have other great qualitites, but she seems very misguided on this topic.