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post #1 of 41
Thread Starter 

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Edited by mom2sol - 3/11/11 at 3:09pm
post #2 of 41
I understand your point, but I think it's not as straight forward as junk food. Many kids form attachments to their toys, so while it may well have been a junk toy to you (or me), the child probably saw it more like a friend, yk?

So, personally I can't see getting bent our of shape about it, I guess I could see how it could happen.
post #3 of 41
I don't understand why you felt the need to label/pass judgment on her toy at all. Maybe I am missing something? I just don't understand how labeling something as "junk" could be taken as anything but an insult.
post #4 of 41

Honestly, I think it's a bit rude. It might be junk to you, but maybe to others it isn't? How would you feel if someone saw a shirt you were wearing and said something like that? Would you talk to another adult like that? I don't know. I try to treat kids with respect and I can't imagine calling a childs toy junk. It is obviously a negative term. If the toy is important to someone , it's not junk.

post #5 of 41

Want to start by saying that I totally share your views on toys- we have mostly natural toys and the ones that are super offensive are often given to Goodwill, but a few junky ones slip in here and there : P Maybe the child's mother felt like she was being judged in a negative way? We have play dates with similarly aged children and I've seen living room and play rooms filled with junk toys- but I know if I came out and called them 'junk' to the mothers (who no doubt purchased some of the toys), they would be offended and might even view me as being snobby and preachy, KWIM?

post #6 of 41

 

"Junk toys" isn't a commonly used phrase like "junk food", plus there isn't general agreement on good and bad toys in the way that there's pretty general agreement on many forms of junk food. 
 
You might quite comfortably refer to chips as "junk food", but would you be comfortable referring to another mother's specialty of homemade fried chicken as junk food, even if you personally found it very unhealthy? Or, would you refer to her beloved Nancy Drew books, or some other book that you might not happen to admire, as "junk reading"?
 
So, yeah, I think that it's not surprising that the other mother was offended and, well, I think that an apology is called for.
 
Crayfish
post #7 of 41

Yeah, that was rather rude.  It isn't polite to label either the food people are eating or the toys that they are playing with as low quality.  Then to imply that they aren't acceptable in your house?  That would have hurt my child's feelings and I'd be thinking twice about letting my child come over again.

post #8 of 41

I really have to agree with the others, that yes it was rude and thoughtless, something that it seems you said without really giving much thought, but which would be very hurtful.

 

I think that you are entitled to your thoughts, but it should have stayed as that...thoughts, not expressed out loud. 

post #9 of 41
Thread Starter 

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Edited by mom2sol - 3/11/11 at 3:10pm
post #10 of 41
Honestly, if you feel that strongly about another child bringing their own toy into your home maybe you should rethink having playdates because I cannot imagine how a child, especially a young one, to not be hurt by being told that their toy was "junk" and not being allowed to play with it while visiting their friend. I have found that toys that come along on playdates are generally favorites & what you said was judgmental and hurtful regardless of how you meant it to sound.
post #11 of 41

Junk toys is a rude phrase about someone's toy (she could love that particular item, sheesh), and calling it one of those kinds of toys is not nice, either.  Really, you shouldn't be labeling other people's items, especially in a negative way.  I could see commenting on how bright or colorful something is (or even noisy, if you must), but insinuating that what you own is better than the 'junk' another kid or family happens to enjoy really comes across as snobby. 

 

The thing is, even though you feel like you are protecting your children from non-wooden toys (or whatever kind you deem unworthy), what you are really doing is setting a bad example by treating others that way -- even if your intentions were not to offend.  Plus, there has got to be less harm in letting your child play with "junk toys" than there is in the harm of alienating them and making another family feel like crap. 

post #12 of 41

Quote:

Originally Posted by mom2sol View Post

 Especially when I'm trying to keep my children's exposure to stuff like that as low as possible.   But I'm not sure of the best way to handle it,



This is one area you should possibly not try to handle or control too much....I agree with Drummer's wife that you may be going to do much more harm to your child potentially, by making your child very unpopular. 

 

A little less control of every aspect of how our children play, is something that kids need these days, in my opinion.

post #13 of 41
Thread Starter 

Wow!  I can see that people are really sensitive about this!  It honestly didn't seem like that big of deal to me.  Here's a link to a Mothering article btw, I didn't make this term up!  It's been around for awhile now.  http://www.mothering.com/green-living/no-more-junk-toys-rethinking-childrens-gifts 

I can tell that to some people I'm coming across as some sanctamonious ass.  We do have plastic toys in the house, I'm just battle weary from all the clutter toys (I'll start using another term to as not offend!)  from birthday parties, this and that, school...  every where it seems.  I'm tired of having it in my home, cluttering up my life.  I'm tired of having to spirit it away in boxes or when I'm really tired simply throw it in the garbage.  It seems like it's every where and endless!  They don't need all this weird, little plastic stuff.  They are perfectly happy without it.  I have made exceptions for certain things believe me.  Our toys are not wooden, handmade, cooperative.... etc, etc....   Calling cetain toys junk toys and explaining it to my kids in that way... it's like junk food, some food isn't good for your body or the earth, some toys aren't good for your brain or the earth.  I just don't want them around me or my kids.  I guess it's unavoidable though, is that what every one is saying, I should just give up?  Take them to Toys R Us and load up?  Hahahaha, I'm being sarcastic but shouldn't I at least try????? 

post #14 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by mom2sol View Post

Wow!  I can see that people are really sensitive about this!  It honestly didn't seem like that big of deal to me.  Here's a link to a Mothering article btw, I didn't make this term up!  It's been around for awhile now.  http://www.mothering.com/green-living/no-more-junk-toys-rethinking-childrens-gifts 

I can tell that to some people I'm coming across as some sanctamonious ass.  We do have plastic toys in the house, I'm just battle weary from all the clutter toys (I'll start using another term to as not offend!)  from birthday parties, this and that, school...  every where it seems.  I'm tired of having it in my home, cluttering up my life.  I'm tired of having to spirit it away in boxes or when I'm really tired simply throw it in the garbage.  It seems like it's every where and endless!  They don't need all this weird, little plastic stuff.  They are perfectly happy without it.  I have made exceptions for certain things believe me.  Our toys are not wooden, handmade, cooperative.... etc, etc....   Calling cetain toys junk toys and explaining it to my kids in that way... it's like junk food, some food isn't good for your body or the earth, some toys aren't good for your brain or the earth.  I just don't want them around me or my kids.  I guess it's unavoidable though, is that what every one is saying, I should just give up?  Take them to Toys R Us and load up?  Hahahaha, I'm being sarcastic but shouldn't I at least try????? 


Sure, but imposing restrictions/judgements on your own kids toys is very different than applying those standards to someone else's kid. Not your call...even if the kid is in your house.
post #15 of 41

I guess I'd apply it to something else.  How about fabric?  Some people will only use all natural fabrics.  polyesters such as fleece or spandex etc are fabrics they try to keep out of their home wherever possible.  When my daughter was a couple months old, a good friend of mine made her a blanket made of fleece covered in monkeys.  It also has ribbon tags some of which I doubt are natural fibers.  This blanket has become VERY special to her.  So special in fact that she now uses the same sign to ask to nurse as she does for her blankie.  I taught her separate signs... she chose to combine them because to her, they were equal.  her blankie and nursing are both comfort and safe.  She reaches for her blankie to nurse and she prefers to go nowhere without her blankie.  She sleeps with her blankie.  She has her favorite ribbon that she plays with to relax and calm down.  She involves her blankie in play (hide and seek behind it, swaddling her dolls, covering up and pretending to sleep, she even uses it to pick up and carry her toys to put them away)  This isn't to say she is constantly holding it as there are many times during the day where she leaves it in a completely different room, but she puts it right up there with nursing.  Her blankie is special and necessary to her current physical, mental, and emotional needs.

 

Someone telling her it was made of 'junk fabric' would definitely upset her.  She loves it SO much and it is a huge part of her life.  She can't remember a time without it so being told that it is beneath other things, that it is just 'junk' would confuse her and create an issue where she wants it but no longer thinks she should.  She would be torn.

 

I agree with you on 'junk toys' and I'm even the person who tries to buy only natural fibers whenever possible (organic even) but I do think there is a point where you can be TOO into it.  Just like food... sometimes its okay to have a little junk food, and certainly we can't tell other people how to eat or to make them feel bad for it.  So too can we have some junk toys and junk fabrics... junk books, junk movies... whatever category.  When you are TOO strict about what you allow for food or play etc you need to take a step back.. a little bit of something that is for pure pleasure and nothing else doesn't hurt and is sometimes equally as beneficial.  A scoop of ice cream at the end of a long stressful day can really help you feel better... a neat little mcdonalds toy that shoots a little guy out can really help transition from a tantrum (I speak from experience although I hate keeping the darn thing around.. she loves it though... laughter for miles when she has it)

 

You need to take a step back and consider whether it truly is important and necessary to go so far as to make even guests follow your strict rules on toys.  This child wasn't even bringing a gift that you perhaps didn't want around.. they were simply sharing something they enjoy with you.  You are no longer just looking out for the best interest of your children, you've crossed a line into an area where it is less about creating a healthy space for your children and being overbearing and controlling about anything not within your strict standards.

post #16 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by mom2sol View Post

 I mean honestly are you supposed to say, food of low nutritional quality?  Should I have really been so cautious with my words and said something like.. well, see I can't even think of an easy term to use besides junk toy.  Sigh.  Any way, just wanted to get some outside perspective about this.  What do you think? 



You're supposed to say "what a nice toy" and leave it at that.  You are not supposed to insult other children's toys.

 

Also, should another child bring food that you don't think is healthy enough, you shouldn't insult that either.

 

Being a host means putting your guests at ease and being polite.  Even if those guests are just children.  Being a parent also means modeling gracious behavior.  I'm sorry, but you did not do that when you insulted the toy and said that you have rules against it.  While you and I share similar toy ideals, how another parent treats my child is far more important to me than what their playroom consists of, and I would be "bent out of shape" if you insulted anything whatsoever about my child or my child's interests or likes while s/he was at your house.

post #17 of 41

I think the polite and respectful thing to do in this situation is to ask the child to tell you about his/her toy. This gives the child a chance to share something of importance with you. And you don't even have to say "it's very nice." You could just make an observation and comment on that in a neutral (or positive) manner. For instance, with a Barbie, you could comment on the doll's eyes such as "They are really blue!" or something. Or even just thank the child for sharing with you. I think the main thing is showing the child who is visiting that he/she is important and that you care about him/her and are interested his/her ideas and likes.

 

 

 

post #18 of 41

Quote:

Originally Posted by mom2sol View Post
 I guess it's unavoidable though, is that what every one is saying, I should just give up?  Take them to Toys R Us and load up?  Hahahaha, I'm being sarcastic but shouldn't I at least try????? 

 

I really think you are missing the point that people are trying to make.  Nobody wants you to stop fighting against cheap toys or clutter, I think that is an admirable thing to do, to say no (metaphorically speaking) to cheap disposable toys.

 

The issue here is not clutter or junk or whatever you want to call it, it is thinking about the feelings of a child who was a guest in your home.

 

You asked us all "what do you think?"  We are only answering that question, so please do not take offense.
 

post #19 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by mom2sol View Post
 I'm tired of having it in my home, cluttering up my life.  I'm tired of having to spirit it away in boxes or when I'm really tired simply throw it in the garbage. 


I'm missing something here - was this visiting child trying to give this toy to your child as a gift? If not, then I'm not clear on what the problem is; surely the child would take the toy home when the play date was over?

 

Crayfish

post #20 of 41

 

To return to the fried chicken analogy, what if the child did bring her mother's special fried chicken with her, and offered it to you with a proud shining face? And that fried chicken violated all of your food philosophy rules?
 
Imagine two choices:
 
 
"We have rules against junk food in this house."
 
or
 
"Oh, that's so kind of you, but it's just not a food that we're allowed to eat right now. It looks delicious; please tell your mother thank you and that we really wish we could eat it. I'll put it in the fridge to keep it good until you go home."
 
Would you really say the first, not the second?
 
Crayfish
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