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Lost yet another friend due to extended nursing :( - Page 2

post #21 of 34

WAIT you all are in MA? Me too! DD is 16 m/o but we are doing CLW. I want in on this getting together stuff!

post #22 of 34

I'm in MA but I guarantee you not in your neck of the woods.

post #23 of 34

That's rough, I'm sorry you're going through this :(. Sheesh, people can be so judgemental! As long as he's not asking for milk when he's 30, who cares?

post #24 of 34


Wow! Overhere (NJ) I almost never even see another Mom in public nursing. Lucky for me, I never have been judged in public for extended nursing, but I did not always feel comfortable doing it. I agree with others that you can explain to your DD that sometimes you don't want to nurse in front of other people, that is fair.

Carma

Quote:
Originally Posted by averlee View Post

 Move to California? We nurse our babies topless on the street here! We squirt breastmilk into coffee cups at Starbucks (saw a mom doing this recently, loved her)! 

post #25 of 34
Thread Starter 
Update: Well you will never guess who I received an email from. I am not feeling the love as this woman is a trial attorney, I am thinking she sent me this so it would not be awkward when we ran into one another at pick up. Thoughts? Feelings? Ughh I wish Ds did not hit it off so well with her Ds! Ds still asks about him at least once a week greensad.gif

Here is the letter, I have edited the names

Email from yesterday May 31st !!
Hi Hipmummy,
 
How are you?  About a week ago my case settled - trial had been delayed from late March to early June and now it's totally over.  Very weird but I'm much more available for my kids now, which is nice.

Boy will be at Miss Teachers on Thursday - hope to run into you!
 
Original email dated February 21
> >
> > I'm starting a trial on 3/28 and will pretty much be under water till then. Kids are in lunch bunch every M,W,F and babysitters Tues afternoon/all day thurs... So we are probably out of commission for getting together for quite some time, unfortunately! There is a small chance the case will settle at mediation on 2/22 - if that happens by some miracle, I will let you know!
post #26 of 34
Thread Starter 
Code:
Quote:
Originally Posted by seashells View Post

I'm in MA but I guarantee you not in your neck of the woods.

Seashells we are North of Boston.
post #27 of 34
I am married to a trial lawyer, and I can tell you that at trial time, it is a 24/7 job. So maybe she honestly was prepping for and conducting a trial. I say give the friendship another shot!

I BF my DD until she was 4.5, and tandemed too, so I know where you are at. Heck, even my LLL group thought it was a little odd...and that is saying a lot. BF past age one is sort of weird here. I told my DD not to ask to BF during playdates because not all of them still got mommy milk and they might be jealous. It seemed an easier to understand justification than the truth, which is that her making a scene was awkward for both myself and the other mom(s).
post #28 of 34
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by lunarlady View Post

I am married to a trial lawyer, and I can tell you that at trial time, it is a 24/7 job. So maybe she honestly was prepping for and conducting a trial. I say give the friendship another shot!

I BF my DD until she was 4.5, and tandemed too, so I know where you are at. Heck, even my LLL group thought it was a little odd...and that is saying a lot. BF past age one is sort of weird here. I told my DD not to ask to BF during playdates because not all of them still got mommy milk and they might be jealous. It seemed an easier to understand justification than the truth, which is that her making a scene was awkward for both myself and the other mom(s).


Thank you so much for the advice. You can understand BOTH sides if the story. I appreciate your perspective. I will give her another chance. I am going to try the same advice with Ds 1 and nursing as well. smile.gif
post #29 of 34

Sounds like we should all have a playdate!  I am in MA as well, and am nursing my 3.5 year old  smile.gif

post #30 of 34
Wow I am in MA too! I would love to meet up.
post #31 of 34

Most people think it's strange I'm still nursing my 15 month old.  They don't know I also nurse my 4.5 year old lol!

Like you I don't tell people.  I don't hide the fact, but I don't mention it either.

The fact that your hubby tells everyone, must mean he's very proud, and that's so sweet.  But tell him that not everyone understands, and that you'd rather only tell people who are close to you.

About the friend, if she's keeping her distance because you're still nursing, then you really don't need her.  It's great that you found some people on this thread that you can meet with.  I've made some great friends on a parenting forum.  We all nurse toddlers and some of us tandem as well.  My other close friends know I nurse my 4.5 year old dd, but they're close enough friends to... love me anyway LOL!

 

Don't feel bad about the friends you lost.  You're a great mommy.  I'm sure you'll find other friends who share similiar life styles.  Good luck to you!

post #32 of 34

It's not exactly a secret that my 3.5 year old is still nursing, but I don't tell people. Only a couple of people know. Since shortly after the baby was born, I had a pretty strict rule that I nursed him only at night and in the morning (otherwise he would be nursing all day and I couldn't deal with it) so it is rare that he asks in public. (The baby is 15 months old now...) When he does, I often excuse myself to go talk to him quietly in another room about why I won't nurse him wherever -- which is exactly what I'd do if he pulled his pants off in public, or grabbed my headcovering off, or crossed any other boundary. I don't think it makes the nursing shameful -- there's nothing wrong with nursing -- it's just that we do it at home and I won't be nursing you right now.

 

I haven't actually lost friends over the nursing, though those of my friends who know about it think I'm crazy and there are several I wouldn't tell.

post #33 of 34

A couple of days ago I was talking to a very good friend of mine, that I haven't seen in years, because we live in different continents now.  Like most of you I don't tell anyone my 4.5 year old still nurses, but I also don't hide the fact, if someone asks directly.

She asked, and was shocked to find out we still breastfeed.  She was practically yelling at me, saying my child will have pshychological problems, will be "hanging from my boob for the rest of her life", that she will not be able to adjust and be social with other kids, that she will never become independent, that I'm crazy, that this is wrong, and everyone with common sense knows this.  I mentiond the WHO, and some other info, but she would not listen.

 

This is a very dear friend, and I know she didn't say any of this to hurt me, she really believes I'm making a terrible mistake.  But I felt really sad after our phone call.  One of my best friends thinks I'm a weirdo.  I think that she should know me well enough to trust me, eventhough she 's never seen a child breastfeed for so long.  She should at least know that I would never do anything to hurt my child.

 

Sometimes I feel so alone.  I 'm lucky enough to have my friends from another forum, who live close to me, and all nurse past a year.  But it would be nice if my close childhood friends didn't think I'm crazy.

Oh well, even if they do, it's worth it.  I wouldn't trade the breastfeeding relationship I have with my children, for anything. :)

post #34 of 34

When my first child was only a couple months old, my husband's good friend and his wife came over.. and I was stunned to find her 2 year old still nursed. Later, my husband and I talked about how WEIRD it was.  (But hey, we did stay friends with them!)

Fast forward to us now (four children and one on the way) and I think that's PERFECTLY NORMAL!  I think most people are so ill informed. Many, MANY countries will say nursing your children to the age of four is common.  Four was generally when children began to wean way back in the Old Testament bible days.  Because formula and other forms of milk are so easy to access in our culture, most people don't even consider nursing beyond a year (since our govn. health guidelines state that, after a year, a child can drink regular cow's milk).

I know people are thinking I should stop nursing soon (our youngest is 10 months old), and when they find out I'm pregnant with #5 and plan on tandem nursing, they're probably going to FLIP out.  Thankfully, I have a good set of "natural" friends who, even though some may be shocked at first, would stand behind me 100%.

Sorry you're losing friends over this. It's really ridiculous. Hopefully, over time, they'll see how wonderful extended nursing is... and you'll be the one they think of when it happens!

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