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If you SAH but also have a nanny or mother's helper I want to hear from you!

post #1 of 63
Thread Starter 
I do. And sometimes I feel guilty, or like people are judging me because why on earth do I need help if i'm just at home all day. Granted my dh travels a lot...

But then other times I feel really good about it. I liken it to the days when women weren't expected to do it all and had lots of help from their "village".

So if you have hired help I want to hear what it's like for you!
post #2 of 63

I think you should enjoy it. Everyone adapts to their own situation and the help that comes (or doesn't). 

post #3 of 63

I don't have help, but I was the help to 2 SAHMs for a while (1 for around 15 hours per week,  the other for 35ish) :D It actually worked out awesomely - to the point where I wish I had my own nanny!

post #4 of 63

I'm just jealous!  Last summer I had a sitter come one morning a week and it was wonderful to be able to go out and actually get things done.  Errands it would take me all week to do with 2 little kids in tow I could do in two hours.  And then I had time to grab a real lunch for myself without any children tugging at me and trying to eat all my food!  They loved the sitter, too.  When she went back to school in the fall, they kept asking where she was and when she was coming back.

 

 

I would have found someone else, but we really couldn't afford it anymore :(  But in the future, I would definitely add it as a budget line item if I could!

post #5 of 63

I'm going to be doing this soon!  I agree that our society puts too much pressure on the nucular family and while some women can do it all, I can't.

 

I figure I'll have someone come in and help out a couple times a week for a few hours.  I'm due in April with #3 so I'll have 3 under 4 at home.  I'd like to be able to get laundry and dinner done without kids having a meltdown.

post #6 of 63

I absolutely do this!  I have a cleaning lady once a week and a woman who comes in twice a week to help out with DD for a couple of hours so I can get errands done or  grab a coffee with a girlfriend.  I feel fortunate to be able to do this, so I take full advantage!

 

Don't feel guilty, Dalia.  Everyone's life has good and bad things in it and this just happens to be a good thing!

post #7 of 63

I had a mother's helper and would like another one.  The previous helper didn't work out but it's nice to have an extra pair of hands around the house.  I felt a bit indulgent but also fortunate to have options.  

 

Don't feel guilty because it works out for you and your family - enjoy.

post #8 of 63

I have, today is actually her last day and we are all hanging out together now before I run errands solo (!!) 

 

And I too, feel guilty ( I wrote a post similar to this..) anyway I don't know why. I think I feel guilty I can afford one, guilty that I do employ someone, guilty that I would go crazy if I couldn't write/read without kids on me, that I can't be like this super mom like I see some woman do. 

 

 

Than I have moments where I don't care, but yeah mostly guilt! It's lame 

post #9 of 63
Thread Starter 
Wow I am loving this thread so far! Many of you have said how many hours a week you have someone come in.. what do you do when they are there? Most of the time I clean, declutter or run errands... but sometimes I watch tv with a bag of chips or go out to the movies alone! Lol.

Oh, and mommariffic... I have really been working on the guilt thing lately and I kinda think it's a waste of the good money I am spending on help just to feel guilty. The more I read this thread the more I think all we should be feeling is gratitude for how good we have it. For everyone who has help there are countless others wishing they could get a break!
post #10 of 63

This may sound crazy but, who do you choose?  I could employ a nanny, but I'm a bit nervous about that.  As far as a housekeeper...maybe I am over-thinkin this.  What did you all do?  How did you go about finding ha helper?

post #11 of 63


I have a helper/babysitter once a week (all day long), and I am a WAHM. She is great. I live abroad, and don't have any family around. I'm also a single parent, AND I hate housekeeping. I am so glad I got her. I can either go out by myself (yay!), and have her play with the kids, or she can clean, or I can work while she entertains the kids. I am soooo grateful for her!
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by mybest View Post

This may sound crazy but, who do you choose?  I could employ a nanny, but I'm a bit nervous about that.  As far as a housekeeper...maybe I am over-thinkin this.  What did you all do?  How did you go about finding ha helper?


I found my helper through a friend - we "share" her, she also does the same thing for my friend. This gave me some kind of reassurance that she is OK, because I was extremely concerned about safety issues. I have also been to my helper's house, met her kids, and even attended her Church once. She has been with us for about six months now, and I feel I can trust her. Before I started leaving my kids alone with her, I spent a few months just working in the next room when she was there, to observe and also help my kids adjust to her presence. Can you ask some friends/relatives for recommendations?

post #12 of 63
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mybest View Post

This may sound crazy but, who do you choose?  I could employ a nanny, but I'm a bit nervous about that.  As far as a housekeeper...maybe I am over-thinkin this.  What did you all do?  How did you go about finding ha helper?


I found my nanny through the Waldorf school in our town. I placed an ad in their newsletter. I figured that would be how I would find people who would be familiar with my parenting style. It has worked out great!!!
post #13 of 63

Darn I wrote this entire post and apparently it didn't...post?

 

I've gone two ways: the first is an ad on Craigslist which is free but also invites literally anyone to email you. However I've always done extensive backround checks, talked on the phone, and met with everyone before even considering them for a position. I'm also really specific in my ads about what I want: someone familiar with attachment parenting, who won't use the television unless I say, has no problem getting dirty in the garden etc. That way I get less responses but the few I get are geniune. I've found 3 fantastic woman doing this, and our babysitter of a year who I grew to just love is leaving us. I've also used pay sites like Gonannies or something, but those can be annoying because it's tough to find someone (for me at least) and it's not free. 

 

There are some great books that I've read about having a nanny/the relationship between you guys. One is I think "Searching for Mary Poppins" the other is "And Nanny makes Three" 

post #14 of 63

I did have a mother's helper, he came in for two hour stretches - which is about the longest DS could tolerate.  Some weeks he'd come once, some weeks 3 times, just depended on what I needed.  I would use the time to do some sewing, or some canning, cleaning, etc. 

 

Unfortunately, he went and got a full time job (unfortunately for me, I mean).  He lives right across the street, so he still stops by from time to time just to chat and play and give me a 10 minute respite (without pay).  He's fabulous with DS, and DS runs to him when he knocks on the door, so I really lucked out. 

 

They were just the neighbors who really liked our kid, and he was out of work for over a year... I knew they were hurting, and I knew he loved kids, so I offered him the work. 

post #15 of 63

Yes, I have one and LOOOVE her! though she won't be coming anymore as the service is provided for next to nothing cost by the french govt up until baby is 6mo. I felt weird at first having someone do the stuff that I felt I "should" be doing but a friend explained it to me this way: It is not just a service for mom and it really DOES benefit everyone in the end. Makes the home run smoother, less stressful and everyone is happier, plus DD loved her too! She cleaned, watched DD, took her to the park, went to the market for me. She came 4 hours a week and I usually spent the time nursing DS, feeding DD breakfast and doing other cleaning/organizing/cooking. It's been a lifesaver!!

post #16 of 63

I feel so lucky. My DD2 (1 yr) is with a sitter 3 days a week with another baby her age. I started out looking for just a few hours in the morning (while DS was in preschool) but the cost was the same for a few hours or all day and I found that she thrived being in a new environment and socializing. She'd been VERY attached to me before and now she can be more independent. Its wonderful. I need the mental break from her too.

 

I pay $60 for three days a week (all day) and justify it by making up the cost while I am home alone. I sell stuff we don't need, do some side work online. Save $$ working on our finances. I also keep other kids in the afternoon (3 yr old/ 7yr old) for someone else. It seems silly, but not having the baby when all the bigger kids are running around is so much easier. 

post #17 of 63
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by dailyamayzed View Post

I feel so lucky. My DD2 (1 yr) is with a sitter 3 days a week with another baby her age. I started out looking for just a few hours in the morning (while DS was in preschool) but the cost was the same for a few hours or all day and I found that she thrived being in a new environment and socializing. She'd been VERY attached to me before and now she can be more independent. Its wonderful. I need the mental break from her too.

 

I pay $60 for three days a week (all day) and justify it by making up the cost while I am home alone. I sell stuff we don't need, do some side work online. Save $$ working on our finances. I also keep other kids in the afternoon (3 yr old/ 7yr old) for someone else. It seems silly, but not having the baby when all the bigger kids are running around is so much easier. 


Wow, $60 kinda seems like a steal! I definitely pay more than that but I LOVE the girl that comes here. She comes five days a week for a few hours in the morning, and when my hubby is gone I also have another girl that comes in on the other days. They also help me with laundry and cleaning and sometimes cooking something here and there. Sometimes I feel like they are people I pay to be my friends because I will just sit and talk with the while still watching over ds lol. I am very fortunate. Thank god for my dh who takes such good care of us.
post #18 of 63

Many people have an assistant for their WOH jobs, why is it different to have an assistant for a SAH job?  It is crazy how people don't think raising kids, managing a house, being full time cook, running outside errands, and much more is a real full time job.  Enjoy your assistant without guilt!

post #19 of 63
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by number572 View Post

Many people have an assistant for their WOH jobs, why is it different to have an assistant for a SAH job?  It is crazy how people don't think raising kids, managing a house, being full time cook, running outside errands, and much more is a real full time job.  Enjoy your assistant without guilt!


Thank you!joy.gif
post #20 of 63

I did when the kids were all fairly little. Now I have a sitter who comes every Thursday at 6 so me and DH can go out - it's the same person we used as a mother's helper/nanny for three years. We love knowing every week there is an evening for us to do something...even if it's as mundane as cleaning the basement ;)

 

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