careful of grandparent's rights bills usurping parental rights - Page 2

[KateDavies45]

Originally Posted by Climbing Rose 

I agree- BUT really, even if something happens to the parents, it many cases it's still not a good idea to force third party visitation.  God forbid that something should happen to the fit parent raising the child, but the parent dying would not suddenly cause the grandparent to become a great person with no mental/drug/abuse issues, yk?  The parents will/wishes should be respected. 

(hope i'm making sense this morning- i'm pregnant and sleepy from taking care of a little one last night! =)

This is exactly why parents have things like wills in the first place. Both mine and DP specifically state that in the event of our death/etc DD is to go to a very good friend of ours, or another very good friend of ours who were both on board with this. AND specifically says guardianship is not to go to either my parents or IL's as both sets have abuse/addiciton issues. We don't cut them out of our lives because they do love DD very very much and I have no problems letting them have time with her. limited or supervised time. But I would never want them raising her. ever. end of story. and the courts should respect that!

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by KateDavies45 


This is exactly why parents have things like wills in the first place. Both mine and DP specifically state that in the event of our death/etc DD is to go to a very good friend of ours, or another very good friend of ours who were both on board with this. AND specifically says guardianship is not to go to either my parents or IL's as both sets have abuse/addiciton issues. We don't cut them out of our lives because they do love DD very very much and I have no problems letting them have time with her. limited or supervised time. But I would never want them raising her. ever. end of story. and the courts should respect that!

I hope I'm not derailing this thread too much by asking this (it seems sort of relevant) -- how did you include this in your will? Did you just include a clause that neither set of grandparents should have custody? Did you write it in a separate letter? Did you explain your reasons, or simply state that you don't want DD with them?

[vtechmom]

Originally Posted by Lisa1970 

I think if the grandparents were that great, they would not need to sue. Previously, statistics showed that when grandparents sued, the grandparents were usually the ones with abuse issues or substance abuse issues.

I hope they do not pass any laws giving grandparents rights. At least not while the parents are still around.

What about the case of my friend?  She was a few years older than me, pregnant at 18, had the baby at 19.  She lived with her parents and they basically raised her son while she worked 3 different jobs to make ends meet.  The father had nothing to do with the baby after he was born and was a drunk.

A week before my friend turned 20 and her baby turned 1 (he was born a day or two after her birthday) she got into a car accident driving home from work and was killed.  The child was given to the father who did not allow the grandparents any visitation.  So not only did the grandparents lose their daughter, they also lost their grandson to someone he had never met before and was a drunk without a job.  They tried to sue but since there were no rights for grandparents it was years and years until they saw their grandson again.

Having watched the absolute heartache that these people went through I can say that I support some form of grandparents rights, especially in a case of one parent being absent.

[Climbing Rose]

I realize this is an old thread now, but I just saw the last posts and thought I would respond.

There is a saying in law that goes something like "Hard cases make bad law," meaning if you make laws based on the worst, hardest case... it is going to be a bad law for many reasons.  (As a parent, it's pretty easy for me to apply that to our house rules and imagine it playing out badly.)

I am sorry that story in the above post happened, and I really am.

But truthfully, as a parent, I do not think my death should legally diminish my child's father's rights as the father of that child.

I think the risk on the other side is too great.

And honestly, I have never, ever heard of that happening (the judge moving the child to a new home) when the judge did not order a very gradual transition.  It's not like the child goes from 24/7 in one house to *bam* 24/7 in the other house with the new people.  Everything I have ever seen, is done slowly and carefully, over time.  I know there could be exceptions, but I have personally not seen any.

All that said, I do think most states have some sort of a 'stand-in parent' law, where if you are not just a third-party, but if you actually lived with and truly parented the child, you can sue for visitation.  I see that as a lot different than people being able to sue you for your kids just because you happen to be related somehow, or they knew your kids at some point, etc.

[philomom]

Originally Posted by KateDavies45 

This is exactly why parents have things like wills in the first place. Both mine and DP specifically state that in the event of our death/etc DD is to go to a very good friend of ours, or another very good friend of ours who were both on board with this. AND specifically says guardianship is not to go to either my parents or IL's as both sets have abuse/addiciton issues. We don't cut them out of our lives because they do love DD very very much and I have no problems letting them have time with her. limited or supervised time. But I would never want them raising her. ever. end of story. and the courts should respect that!

Yes, one of the best things you can do as a parent is have a legal will that designates guardianship of your minor children.

I always forget her name but we do have one MDC mom who literally finished growing up in foster care, separated from family and siblings because her parents had not taken this precaution. She's pretty bitter.

[Lisawethern]

My daughters rights were just trampled in court. The judge did't care about any of her arguments. The other grandparents are drunks, yet my daughter still took the kids over there regularly so they could have a relationship with the kids.They were not denied reasonable visits. This wasn't good enough for them they wanted scheduled visits. So now my daughter and her kids have to give up every other Saturday to these people.  Even though the father and my daughter are not together any more they are agreeable on not letting the grandparents get court ordered visitation. That didn't matter to the judge. My daughter and her kids no longer have the right to going on vacation without getting permission from the grandparents. They can' just make a plan one Saturday morning to do something they want to do if it happens to be on their Saturday. This is absolutely appalling to me. These people don't contribute to them financially. They don't have the same morals as my daughter. Why should they have court ordered visits. My daughter kept asking the judge what about my rights. his reply " I hear what your saying". but he didn't give her answer as to why her rights were less important than the desires of these people.  I am a grandparent, my daughter and her 2 children live with me and my husband and have since they were born. If something happened to my daughter I would need some rights, because I have been a very significant part of their lives, the kids would be very devastated to lose the only home they have ever had and the other two people that have been the stability of their lives. Under those circumstances that makes since to me, but just arbitrarily forcing parents to have to take 2 Saturdays and give them to these people just because they want them is a huge degrade in this country. It is a step on a very slippery slope. Every one needs to take up arms on this. We don't know how to fight this, but this isn't just a fight for my daughter this is a fight for all parents.

[estierstorfer]

I completely agree. I do not want my fiance's parents, his dad an alcoholic and his mother a pain pill popper. Right now we are temporarily living with them and it's a living hell. My oldest son is in 2nd grade and has to deal with music blaring on weekdays until like 2am...because of his "loving and caring" grandfather. We are currently looking for another place to live and hopefully will be out by december. Also someone in my fiance's (whom is the father of my 2 children) called Child Protective Services...it's just a little funny that 4 or 5 days before they came to this house that his father came in our room well the basement...and called us pieces of s**t, hope we fall on our faces when we move out and MOST IMPORTANTLY TOLD US HE WAS GOING TO TAKE OUR CHILDREN FROM US and his wife agreed with him on this matter-AND HE WOULD TELL US WHEN WE COULD HAVE THEM BACK, which is of course NOT the law. But it's sad that good parents have a 60 day case opened on us for allegations from people (their grandparents) or someone they had call for them...would not only put their own son and soon to be daughter-in-law through all this stress but also our boys. That are only 3 and 7 years old. I pray to God they NEVER get visitation rights without our consent because once we move out of here, they will never see our children EVER EVER EVER see them. Not unless they change.

[estierstorfer]

I can't believe that!!! I am so sorry to hear that your daughter and her kids have to deal with that. I honestly did NOT think grandparents had very many rights against the children's own parents. It's ridiculous. I think the system is going down the pipes if you know what I mean.