I'm wondering if I'm alone in this...has anyone else felt this way after a cesarean?
My youngest (now 13 months) was born via ERC 3 days after his due date. I felt like I was being pressured by my doctor, family and friends to "hurry up and have a baby", so after my 40 week appointment when my doctor told me I wasn't making any progress, the c/s was scheduled. I was so relieved at the time, to know that I would soon have a baby and everyone would stop badgering me to "have" one. The surgery came and went...everything went great (as far as c/s goes). We began nursing and haven't stopped and we've never had issues in that department.
I went to my 6 week checkup asking about VB2C...my OB said, "It's controversial". After that, I wasn't sure if I would continue seeing him or not. He's a really nice guy, has a great bedside manner ect...but I wasn't sure if I could trust his judgment with a future pregnancy.
So here I sit being haunted by my cesarean experience, even though at the time I didn't think it was...it just kinda kicked in months afterward. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about my son's birth. There are several times a day where I replay the experience over and over. I feel like I've invited my OB, the anesthesiologist and the 2 nurses into my home...that's how much I think about it! I've had nightmares, panic attacks revolving around my son's birth. It's so crazy to me and I don't know WHY it's turning out this way. It didn't bother me at the time...but it sure does now! I've been compiling research on vbac, home birth, ect for almost 3 years now. I really think that the only way around this anxiety and fear of the operating room is to have a vaginal birth, with someone that I know without a doubt I can trust wholeheartedly.
I'm wondering if I should seek counseling? The thing that makes me nervous about that, is I don't want to me medicated.