Originally Posted by activealli
I had my second appt yesteday with a new midwife (not really a midwife like I was hoping, and she was retiring in 2 months, unknown to me, and could tell she REALLY didn't want to be there). I had gone to my first appointment alone and had decided against the testing. I didnt want the pressure, stress or have to abort a baby that has a slight possibility of having something wrong. So, this time the midwife confirmed that I declined the testing, and my husband was like "what testing?". Well, my husband decided for me that I was going to get the testing, that I had no choice in the matter. Well, I am near having a panic attack waiting for the results. Apparently, they will not tell you if the results are negative, only if they are positive. So, Im left to stress for an unknown amount of time. Ugh!
My husband is the opposite but with good reason. We did all the standard, noninvasive testing with our first. NT came back high normal, word of advice, never take the NT too seriously, positive or negative doesn't necessarily indicate anything. I had the 18 week at 21 weeks due to scheduling, the radiologist diagnosed Downs and they scheduled me with the high risk clinic for the following week, without telling me what was wrong. My midwife told us, then scheduled a new ultrasound with a genetics counselor and a perinatalogist two days later. They couldn't see what the radiologist saw and recommended against further testing, at 21 weeks it was almost too late to do anything anyways. So now my husband is freaked for every test and doesn't want any of them. I would still want to know, to have the choice and be able to prepare for the decision we make. Plus until today I hadn't heard a hearbeat or seen the baby, so I needed that reassurance that it was in there.
I can honestly say that for us we had, and still have, no idea what we would do in that situation until faced with it. For those two days we sat in each others arms sobbing, took time off work, didn't answer the phone or check e-mail or talk to anyone but our parents and the midwife. It was the absolute worst hell we have ever been in, and the entire time the baby continued to kick happily. My only thought was that I didn't want to have to make a decision, I didn't want to end this pregnancy but as a first time mom I didn't think I could handle the potential difficulties, and once that child is out of you the choice to end their suffering, if their condition is severe enough, is no longer yours. The fear of Downs was still far in the back of my mind until the second he was born, now I look at his face and think there is no way I could have ended that pregnancy. Yet I still know that unless faced with that decision again, I have no idea which way I would go.
My friends little girl was born with a condition called Congenital Diaphramatic Hernia (hopefully I've got that right) CDH. Babies with this have a 50% chance of making it through the first year, if they do they'll be ok. She was advised to end it, she chose to fight and give that baby every chance possible. She ensured the best medical technology was available at the hospital and was prepared. She and the baby fought for 17 days. If she hadn't known beforehand, she wouldn't have even had that. I also knew someone who had GB Strep at the time of birth, her doctor didn't tell her and didn't treat the baby. The baby wound up deaf for life.
I'm not saying that all tests are right for everyone, and everyone should get them, but I am saying that often these test can reveal treatable defects, or illnesses or whatever else, not just the terrible, permanent birth defects like the trisomy abnormalities. So for me my choice is to know and be able to deal with it as needed. I won't be doing an amnio or CVS unless one of the other tests reveals something credible that would need to be looked at more closely.