Third homebirth and this time Im scared?

[apk2011]

Im new to this forum but have read many posts and think you ladies are so supportive so I thought I would post to see what you thought. I have two beautiful daughters that are 13 and 9. I had two amazing homebirths both with the same midwife I love dearly. Im pregnant again for the third time. Its been almost 10 years! I am remarried and this is his first baby (it's a another girl btw...!!) My two previous labors were only 5 hours and 3 hours and went flawlessly but for some reason Im feeling scared this time unlike I ever did the previous times. I never thought I would ever have another baby and Im so overwhelmed at the thought raising another one and the thought of going through labor again...this time with someone that has never gone through it (my husband) makes me wish I wasn't doing this again! I have the same midwife who knows me well as I do her and I know I am so fortunate for this experience but just cant seem to be excited about it. Im just plain scared to have #3. I feel like the first was the "unknown", the second was planned and I was super excited but this time I feel old and just doubt my abilities and desire to do this. Has anyone felt this way?

[GoBecGo]

You know, i think more women feel scared having #3 than any other!  It's super super common.  Almost a feeling like you'e been ok twice, what if your luck runs out, or having done it twice you're going somehow into the unknown with #3 (maybe more so if not many of your friends have more than 1 or 2 kids?).  I also think when a woman has a big gap between kids as you have, she can feel she's "grown up" so much since she last had a baby it's hard for her to contextualise the experience - like a lot of the way she coped or dealt with stuff before seems almost alien, it was such a while ago, so that gives her a sense of "doing this for the first time" again.

I haven't had 3 (yet!) but i did have #1 and #2 with different men.  I have to say, #2 was so much nicer, partly because i'd done it before (i too have very fast active labours, though i get plenty of prodomal warning beforehand :)) and partly because my relationship with DP is so much better than my relationship with XP was, it just made for a much nicer atmosphere and a much more enjoyable experience all round.

So essentially i think your feelings are very very normal, you should talk to your MW about them, and also that you're probably going to have a really really lovely birth and new DD.  

[sweeetpea]

Originally Posted by GoBecGo 

You know, i think more women feel scared having #3 than any other!  It's super super common.  Almost a feeling like you'e been ok twice, what if your luck runs out, or having done it twice you're going somehow into the unknown with #3 (maybe more so if not many of your friends have more than 1 or 2 kids?).  

This was exactly what went through my mind when I was planning for my first home birth, for baby #3.  The first two births were so easy - although they were hospital births - they were short, uncomplicated vaginal births.  Both kids had grown up to be great kids.  I was terrified that #3 would result in all sorts of complications, have all kinds of issues, etc.  Oh the nightmares during pregnancy!

But, my homebirth went off without a hitch, baby took to nursing right away (and stayed on the boob for 2.5 years!), he is a great kid.

Acknowledge your fears as normal.  Talk to DH and midwife.  I won't tell you not to worry because you will anyway, but understand that worrying does nothing except stress you out.

Hugs to you and warm wishes for a wonderful homebirth!

[OTMomma]

I worried a ton while pregnant with my third. I worried about everything imaginable! I think its really common.  Honestly though, my 3rd was probably my easiest birth, my body knew what to do, and did it.  Because I had been there before, I was more comfortable asking for what I needed in labor, even telling my midwife to get me a glass of milk to drink just minutes before I pushed my new dd into this world (I needed an energy boost).  There is no way I could have EVER been like  that with my other births- but as a more mature woman, I felt more in control, it was better for me. 

I won't lie- having a 3rd baby was a big adjustment for our family.  But my new baby was also my easiest baby- she was very content to hang out in a sling while I did things for the other 2, and now as a toddler, she's happy to play with either of her siblings and is a lot of fun.  I think its wise to not assume that just because you've had a baby before it will all be easy, those early days are hard, no matter how many times you do them.  But lots of things will come back to you so quickly, diapers and nursing and cuddling a newborn will all come back in a flood before your new baby is 3 hours old.  Plus your older 2 children are old enough to be very helpful, which will be great- they can entertain the baby while you get a shower! 

I wish you a blessed birth!

[apk2011]

Thank you so much ladies! Its good to know Im not alone feeling like this! I feel awful somedays for not being more excited but I guess just accepting it for what it is and to know down deep everything will be ok and I will love this babe just like I do my other two!