I wish I had...

[boater]

I'm wondering, for those of you who have BTDT what do you wish you had known or done differently ( OR are glad you did or knew) in the 1st year or so of motherhood? What tools/products were indispensable v. a waste of money? What routines or habits (if any) would have been useful to build right away? What do you wish you had relaxed and let go of? What in retrospect would you have paid more attention to? Some things I have heard from AP moms irl whom I love and trust:

* I wish i had more consistently offered bottles (of bm) so i would have the option of her taking a bottle from DP now.

* I wish I hadn't worked at all for the 1st year

* I wish DP had put DS to bed more regularly as a baby so he would be able to share that responsibility now that DS is a toddler

* I wish I hadn't bought a co-sleeper (never used it, just had the baby in bed)

* I wish I had baby mooned/stayed in bed longer after the birth (and not done too much, hosted guests, gone for long walks with babe in sling etc. right away)

Feel free to dispute any of these :)

TIA!

[WifeofAnt]

I wish I hadn't bought a baby bathtub.  He's two months and our one attempt ended in him spitting up everywhere and me not being able to hold onto the slippery lil dude.  Instead I climb in our big bathtub and we bathe together.  Maybe when he can sit unassisted I'll work on climbing back out.

[corrieoseal]

I wish I'd encouraged my DH to take more pictures of me with DD rather than shying away from the camera because I felt fat/unattractive after the pregnancy. I wish we'd taken more family photos. Seems so silly that I only have a couple of pictures of DD and I in the hospital because I didn't feel photogenic enough. And in the months following when I was in the process of losing the baby weight, I'd bow out of pictures. I wish I'd been less vain and just jumped on in because no one else cared about my belly bulge and now I can't go back and jump into those moments. 

I wish I hadn't registered for so much junk!

Co-sleeper worked for us as DD always liked her own space at night, so that's just an unpredictable preference of your baby.

DD never took a bottle. I nursed 2.5 years and honestly never missed them. It was difficult, at times, during the first year when she nursed so often, but in the end, DH found lots of other ways to bond. And after 12 months DD took enough solids to tide her over a bit if I needed to go somewhere occasionally for a few hours and would accept a little BM from a cup.

In terms of putting baby to bed, I think it's wonderful if DH can be involved in some way (bath, story, etc.) My DH always did story and would transfer DD from my arms to bed when we stopped co-sleeping. It was great to have him involved from the start so that he gained confidence, as well. During the night, he'd also do some of the diaper changes. When DD gave up nursing to sleep (around 15 months) she readily accepted DH putting her down sometimes. (In fact, now, DH is the primary night soother if DD stirs.)

[Chamomile Girl]

Originally Posted by boater 

I'm wondering, for those of you who have BTDT what do you wish you had known or done differently ( OR are glad you did or knew) in the 1st year or so of motherhood? What tools/products were indispensable v. a waste of money? What routines or habits (if any) would have been useful to build right away? What do you wish you had relaxed and let go of? What in retrospect would you have paid more attention to? Some things I have heard from AP moms irl whom I love and trust:

* I wish i had more consistently offered bottles (of bm) so i would have the option of her taking a bottle from DP now.

* I wish I hadn't worked at all for the 1st year

* I wish DP had put DS to bed more regularly as a baby so he would be able to share that responsibility now that DS is a toddler

* I wish I hadn't bought a co-sleeper (never used it, just had the baby in bed)

* I wish I had baby mooned/stayed in bed longer after the birth (and not done too much, hosted guests, gone for long walks with babe in sling etc. right away)

Feel free to dispute any of these :)

TIA!

Haha I don't wish for anything on your list except maybe the last one.

1. I never offered bottles and that turned out fine. Mostly because the couple of times I tried to pump I hated it. Totally. So it was a fine trade off to not have to pump. However I wasn't working so this obviously won't work for everyone.

2. Loved, loved, loved the co-sleeper. Necessary because I had a C-section and healing was slow.

3. DH was never able to put DS to bed as a baby. We tried and it simply made for miserable baby, miserable DH. Things changed at around 17 months old. Now DH has no problem with the bedtime ritual. And this has gotten even easier for DH since we nightweaned DS.


Things I wish I had done differently:

Not bought the Chicco travel system! It worked great when DS was an infant, but he outgrew the bucket by about 7 months old, and the stroller it came with was terrible without the bucket. Once he outgrew the bucket I bought a decent stroller (a baby jogger citimini) and if we have another LO I can use a bucket with this with a simple conversion kit.

I wish I had discovered slings when DS was younger. We had an Ergo and a mobywrap...and I hated the moby. Hated. The Ergo worked alright when DS was tiny but a ring sling would have been much better.


Things I think I got right:

I never bought any major baby gear (outside of a stroller and diapers) and I have absolutely no regrets there.

Cloth diapers are super easy. Especially prefolds. I know that many folks love their AIOs and pockets but I don't see the need to fuss with all of that.

[Knitting Mama]

I wish I had:

• Also gotten more photos of me with Cecilia. I, too, felt fat and unattractive and always shied away. There are only a few pictures of her and I together during this first year.
• Not bought a baby tub. It was useless. She hated being alone as a tiny babe, so we bathed in the big tub together, and now we shower together.
• Splurged for professional newborn photos.
• Insisted harder on a longer babymoon. I wanted two weeks, and I did not get it, and I am still bitter about it now, 10 months later.
• Used a convertible seat from the start. She hated her bucket seat and I never wanted to carry the damn thing anyway.

[elluin]

I'll start with my unexpected favorites:
- I found our wraps to be the one indispensable baby item (the moby wrap followed by a woven wrap when dd hit about 15 pounds).
- Pre-fold diapers. I worried I would hate them when I saw other (expensive) cloth diaper options, but I love them - they're easy, durable and reliable.
- Cotton sleepwear. I'm including this here because I wish I knew to stock-up on larger size cotton sleepers in summer. We had trouble finding them in winter and our daughter is miserable in synthetics.
- Placenta pills. We encapsulated my placenta (my initial reaction was "ewww, gross!"), but those little pills worked miracles when I was exhausted and felt a teary spell coming postpartum. I felt reinvigorated after taking one.

Stuff I could live without:
- A stroller for the infant seat, or any stroller for that matter. If I could go back I would wait until I needed a stroller, then buy a used one for that purpose. At ten months we have only used the stroller as a portable changing table / seat. It has yet to be used for moving the baby from point a to b.
- An expensive pump, a manual one would have been fine for the amount of pumped milk dd has had.
- A nursery room set (bedding, wall hangings, lamp, etc), we're decorating our room with it just so it gets used.
- Wet bags with a pretty fabric outer layer - they take longer to dry than my diapers! Simple PUL bags work best (and are cheaper).
- Small hooded towels. Dd outgrew them too quickly, just skip straight to the larger ones.

I'm really thankful I have been confident enough to follow my instincts about dd's birth (we switched to a home birth at 36 weeks) and motherhood. For the birth, I was also thankful that I had the tough conversations about visitors with our family in advance (no visitors until we were ready). Taking time to just revel in our new family was awesome!

I'm also thankful that I didn't tell anyone I was in labor. I had early labor contractions five minutes apart for a full week, it would have been awful to keep everyone updated during that time.

[Snapdragon]

-I am really glad we started ds right out in a co sleeper- now at almost 11 months he is in a sidecarred crib and the bed situation has worked well for us

-I really used my "my brest friend" nursing pillow tons for the first six months or more

- I am glad I used fitted cloth (cotton) diapers

- glad I encouraged (or allowed?!) dh to be as involved as possible with the baby right from the start (but that was also his goodness

- loved using a swing and swaddle in the beginning to get him to sleep for day naps

-glad I spent lots of time on mdc (still do!) and got to get lots of good advice and ask lots of questions- I learned so much here as things came up! It was on MDC that someone told me that when they are small, it can be common for the baby to be ready for their morning nap only one hour after being awake. I never would have figured that one out and it was so helpful in establishing a napping schedule for ds

[katelove]

Originally Posted by boater 

I'm wondering, for those of you who have BTDT what do you wish you had known or done differently ( OR are glad you did or knew) in the 1st year or so of motherhood? What tools/products were indispensable v. a waste of money? What routines or habits (if any) would have been useful to build right away? What do you wish you had relaxed and let go of? What in retrospect would you have paid more attention to? Some things I have heard from AP moms irl whom I love and trust:

* I wish i had more consistently offered bottles (of bm) so i would have the option of her taking a bottle from DP now.  This one hasn't been a problem for me. We don't even own a bottle. LOL

* I wish I hadn't worked at all for the 1st year  I haven't worked and I'm very glad.

* I wish DP had put DS to bed more regularly as a baby so he would be able to share that responsibility now that DS is a toddler  Hasn't been an issue for us yet. I *am* glad that DH is able to put J to sleep if she isn't hungry though.

* I wish I hadn't bought a co-sleeper (never used it, just had the baby in bed) Didn't buy a co-sleeper and haven't missed it.

* I wish I had baby mooned/stayed in bed longer after the birth (and not done too much, hosted guests, gone for long walks with babe in sling etc. right away)  I felt really good after J was born but I did take it easy and I'm glad about that. We had just moved so we didn't have heaps of people visiting.

Feel free to dispute any of these :)

TIA!

The main thing I'm grateful for is discovering natural parenting, by accident while watching a documentary. The things which have been the best for us are co-sleeping, babywearing and BLW (I already planned to BF and use cloth nappies). I was a bit surprised at how much I *love* co-sleeping. 

DH having 6 weeks off after she was born was fantastic. I think it really helped them bond and they have a great relationship. She is equally comfortable and secure with both of us.

Things we needn't have bought

- Ergo. Don't love the Ergo, much prefer the Beco.

- Gypsy Mama wrap. DH likes his but I don't like the fabric, too rough and scratchy. I just got a Neobulle and I like it much more.

Seems like I am one of the few people who like a baby bath. But, we have a long bathroom bench so it was easy to fill and drain and at just the right height. Also we don't have a proper bathtub, just a plunge bath at the bottom of the shower cubicle so maybe that's why.

And, I wish we'd discovered Pop-in nappies sooner. They've become our favourite.

[macy]

I wish I had bought a swing.

I wish I had gotten DD used to bottles so my husband could be more involved.

I wish I wouldn't have worried so much about establishing future bad sleep habits at the expense of DD's current quality of sleep.

[MacKinnon]

This might sound trite, but I really just wish I had appreciated it more! I keep reminding myself of that as I am in the midst of mothering our last through her first year. But honestly, it goes by so very fast! With DD, I spent so much time fretting, and being stressed out and tired, researching everything to the last bit, I feel like I missed too much. Then, with DS, I kind of flew through it all, he as a super easy baby and I felt more confident as a second-time mom, it's all a blur. Now, with another reflux-y fussy baby, I'm constantly reminding myself to just relax. To sit and let her sleep in my arms and surf MDC and not worry about the mess...

Now, my real answer is that it's all different with every baby! With my first two, I could have skipped the bucket car seat and travel system. I hated it, and moved to a convertible as soon as it warmed up (they were big winter babies in the midwest). Now, this one, she is teeny, and with two others we're on the go all the time. She has reflux and sleeps well on the angle of the car seat, I'm very glad to have the bucket, and actually just bought the stroller, at 5 months, because I'm actually using it to pop and in and out to school, etc. She likes being wrapped but hates the Ergo. DS liked the Ergo, but was too heavy for the stretchy wraps by just a few months. This baby takes different bottles and paci's than my other two as well. My DD couldn't stand fleece, but this babe sleeps better in warmer pjs. DD#2 and I both love the muslin swaddling blankets and loveys, wish we had gotten those with the first two! And the Moby is indispensable those first few months. The bouncy remains my most commonly used baby container, just for the ease of setting her down for a couple, when I need to grab something. None of my kids have been big on the swing, yet I bought another, that is probably our least used item, aside from the crib (which just holds the broken down pack and play). Working has been a mixed bag for me. Staying home was not a choice, but by about 9 months I enjoy working again. I WOH three days a week and miss my baby terribly. I do wish I could change that. As far as DP being more involved in nighttime routines, we make that adjustment when they nightwean, and he takes over nighttime parenting. For us, this has worked well, and I've never wished he was more involved until then. I love my nights with the baby.

Congrats and best of luck!

[lrgs]

I think it just varies so much by person and especially by baby............as you can see by the responses!

-contrary to most others, I am so glad my baby takes a bottle, it is a life and sanity saver for me. I really like being able to go do something (today I took my ODD toboganning...YDD was napping) and know DH can look after YDD at home.........huge stress reliever for me.

-like pp said, prefolds diapers.......those were our workhorse diapers and were more reliable then our fancy diapers

-velcro swaddlers, awesome for our tiny houdini

-I think I might have really liked a co-sleeper

-for us a baby bathtub was awesome, didn't have one with my first and liked it this time around

-Moby wrap was a lifesaver for us

-With our first our swing was never used (she hated it) but with our second it came in really handy

-good quality nursing pillow, had a cheap one the first time around and really like the better quality one this time

-giant waterbottle............nursing makes me so thirsty!!

Good luck Mama!

[GuavaGirl]

Loved my...:  baby bath tub  (we got the whale one they have at target)

                 Baby K'tan (like a moby wrap but easier)

                 My double electric medela breast pump

                 Boba  (similar to ergo, made from 12 mo. and above)

                 Blog.  We started a blog to keep distant family updated on pregnancy/baby stuff.  It really helped everyone feel closer...and I didn't have to   call each distant relative with updates, but they could still feel in the loop.

                 Breastflow bottles

                 Cotton sleepwear.  The fleece made him too sweaty

                 Breast friend nursing pillow

Didn't like...:  Ring slings  (so uncomfortable because of all the weight on one shoulder)

                    My bassinet.  (it was okay, but a little too hard.  The crib next to the bed would have been better.

Wish I had...: more family nearby/ more help with housecleaning/ more visitors/relaxed social time with close friends/family

                     a Beco for the 4-12 month range  

                     a video monitor

                     a Blessing way

                     done a belly cast

                     made more things for baby, while pregnant

                     had kept up better on photo albums  (still haven't put an pregnancy or baby pictures in an album)

                     known about torticollis beforehand.  (I could have spotted it sooner and kept his head from getting flat on one side)

                     a white noise machine

                     read Happiest Baby on the Block  (since newborns fall asleep when they get tired, I had no idea that soon after they need a little help falling asleep.  He was crying cause he was tired and I thought it meant he was hungry.  There were several days when he definitely didn't get enough sleep because I had never been told how much they need to sleep and I just figured he would fall asleep if he was tired.)

                     Taken some artsy newborn photos

                     an AC adapter charger for my breast pump

                      started exercise and trying to fix my abdominal separation sooner

                      maybe looked into placenta pills.  I just thought it was too weird

                      A good nursing cover.  I had a homemade one from a friend.

Glad I....:  Had my baby take some naps out of my arms.  I have friends now whose baby's will not sleep unless they're being held, cosleeping, or sleeping in the car.  ...and it causes all sort of stresses for them. 

                Had my husband help and be involved.  (he wanted to, just glad I didn't deter him)

                 Went to the chiropractor during pregnancy

                Did blood work to check some things before started TTC

[1stTimeMama4-4-10]

First and foremost, I wish so so so much that I hadn't wished away the newborn stage.  It was very difficult because DD is/was high needs, and I remember looking forward to when she was more able to function independently. Now she is independent and amazing, and I cannot believe that she was ever a newborn. It makes me sad that I wished away that incredibly special time in her life. So much so that I find myself fantasizing about being pregnant again even though we are definitely not ready for another baby yet. 

Wish we had splurged on newborn and maternity photos. 

Wish I could have stayed home longer than 3 months, but that was not a possibility so I don't dwell on it.

Wish we hadn't spent so much on cloth diapers we never used. (DH is a SAHD and he REALLY didn't want to use cloth - I have no interest in micromanaging the way he parents since he does a wonderful job)

Wish we hadn't bothered to spend the money on a stroller - it has been used twice in 10 months.  I'm sure we will use it someday in the future, but even so, we should have bought it used.

Wish I was better prepared emotionally to deal with a high needs child. I felt woefully inadequate for a long time - I still struggle with this. 

Soooooo glad that we did the research to fully prepare for the birth and knew what we wanted so we didn't get talked into an unnecessary C-Section like ALL of my friends.

Glad we bought nearly all of our baby gear (pack n play, swing, co-sleeper, jumparoo) second-hand since they were only used for a brief time. 

Glad we splurged and bought 4 wraps - I used them all.  Now we still use the ring sling, ergo, and mai-tei. 

Glad we sought extra help with a lactation consultant early on so that our nursing relationship started out right.

Glad we got DD used to bottles fairly early since I WOH and DH had to feed her while I worked when I went back.

Glad we bought both a double electric pump and a nice handheld one - as I said, I WOH and use them both LOTS. Well well worth the investment.

So much more, but baby just woke up!

[cocoanib]

Originally Posted by boater 

* I wish I had baby mooned/stayed in bed longer after the birth (and not done too much, hosted guests, gone for long walks with babe in sling etc. right away)

Feel free to dispute any of these :)

TIA!

This one.

Next time around I will do alot less. I felt so good, I was up doing everything and I think my perineum healed slower because of it.

Next time around, I'm also working toward not having to go back to work after baby is born.

 

[Terrilein]

I really wish I had had a baby moon. Not even the one week I spent in the hospital due to a c/s was free of being hassled into getting up and running around. Tons of visitors. The day we got home from the hospital we had to go shopping and DP wasn't able to do it alone. A week after we got home, we went to the zoo. Three weeks after birth and he was clamboring for a regular routine at home. That's when I drew the line.  At the time each consession seemed ok. I was euphoric and wanted to share my baby with the world. The weather was beautiful and we wanted to take advantage of it. But it all really burned me out quickly. I never had any time to just relax and do nothing. So I wish I had made my wishes concerning my babymoon more concrete with my DP.

[Hannah32]

I wish I had hired a mother's helper or at least a house cleaner. I intend to have one or both next time. 

I wish I had discovered Miracle Blankets more than a WEEK before my son learned to roll. 

I wish I still didn't worry about looking "too fat" in photos. 

[P.J.]

I think with baby equipment it is sooooo sooo personal, and what works for one family or one baby will not work for the next. You just have to guess what you will need, and learn by trial and error what works for you. Thank god for eBay!!!! We have gotten a lot of used inexpensive stuff there, as well as sold the stuff we didn't end up using, or once he outgrew it.

I wish we'd had professional pregnancy photos taken, as well as newborn ones. We still haven't done it (DS is 8 mo), and I am thinking we may just wait til his first birthday.

Other than that, I kind of wish I'd had a doula, as I ended up with a traumatic cesarean (from a planned home birth), and can't help but wonder how it would've gone differently had I had a doula. Sadly, they barely exist in this corner of the world. I did look into it but I think there are maybe three in this entire city, and I was told that midwives here (we are in Germany) often feel threatened by them and don't like to work with them. If I have another baby I am most definitely getting a doula, even if it means having to travel somewhere else for the birth.

I can't think of anything else at the moment but I know there's more. This is a great idea for a thread.

[sere234]

Things we LOVE:

Swing

Ergo and ring sling

DS's clothes were CHEAP: garage sales, gifted, hand me downs. OMG, until 3.5 months (when he started wearing 9-12 clothes) he grew out of everything sooooo fast. I'm finally getting bored with this round of clothes and he's getting ready to move to 12-18 mo ones. Don't think I spent more than $3-4 on any clothes of his and I'm glad!

Aiden and Anais muslin blankets to swaddle him. 

Robeez socks from Baby Steals. These actually stay on his feet!

Websites: MDC, Baby Steals, Baby Cheapskate.

Bumbo- awesome for DS sitting on the counter and watching me cook. Once he gets stronger, I'll have to stop this I guess:(

Singing all day to my kid. And I don't sing well! He loves it though and I use it to entertain, narrate, and make him happy:)

Going with the flow, loving my babe, realizing he's his own self, accepting his personality and thinking of it all positively. 

Watching my babe sleep. Watching him play. Watching him fuss. Memorizing everything about him and loving every moment.

Things we'll change:

Next babe I'll get a bucket carseat.....

Buy newborn fitted cloth diapers. DS couldn't wear cloth until his cord fell off since they newborn GMD prefolds were too high....

Read the Create Your Own Sleep Plan chapter of The No Cry Sleep Solution for newborns and follow it! 

Buy one of many different kinds of cloth diapers and find my favs that way. 

Realize my babe won't magically sleep through the night simply because he's my babe. Yes, those other sleepless parents DO know what they are doing. Yes, my kid will be the same way;)
Don't buy a crib. Haven't used it yet. Good thing it was bought used. 

Still have visitors on day 1 after having the next babe BUT only let them stay 15-20 minutes.... MUST REMEMBER THIS ONE!!!

[boater]

I'm loving these responses

[OvenSeeksBun]

I love this thread!! I've only been a mom for seven weeks, but I already feel like I can contribute.

I am so glad I:

- Have so many second-hand clothes because Caroline has been growing at warp speed, pluse I find worn-in clothes to be so soft and comfy.

- Bought almost everything second-hand, from cloth diapers to baby carriers. I have saved so much money and bought better quality than I could have afforded if I had bought everything new.

- Splurged on maternity photos and newborn photos. Also so glad I dragged my butt out of bed to have a shower and style my hair so I could be in the photos seven days after DD was born. It was hard, but I knew I'd regret it if I didn't (DH declined being in the photos because he was so tired) A few examples:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v309/lizardkween/65-1.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v309/lizardkween/17.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v309/lizardkween/c.jpg

- Had lots of visitors starting on the day she was born. I loved sharing this special time with family and friends, didn't need a whole lot of  "down time", and appreciated the work they did around the house when they came.

- Took prenatal yoga

- Made a point of savouring every minute with my new baby because I know how quickly this time will pass.

- Didn't buy any "equipment" that wasn't handed down to me. My cousin gave me her swings, baby hammock, bouncy chair etc., which is good because baby hates the swing and sleeps in bed with us, so hasn't used the hammock yet.

Things we could have dont without / done differently:

- Would not have had the enormous baby shower that my mom made for me, or rather would have tried to think of a different way to handle the gifts. I have SO MANY things that I don't want/need/use, many of which I actually registered for in the interest of having enough options for people to buy. Silly. My younger brother actually spent $250 on a fancy playpen that we don't need. I really, really hope we get a lot of use out of it in the future, because it was a really special gift from him to his niece.

- Another vote for no baby tub. I've been taking her into the tub with me from day one.