I wish I had... - Page 3

[samoraj]

If I had to do it over again I would:

not hesitate early-on to co-sleep.

not take away the pacifier after a LLL girl thought it was causing a clicking sound at nursing.  The clicking wasn't problematic, and we sure could have used the paci at bedtimes a couple of months later.  He has such a difficult time falling asleep (even two and a half years later!)

try harder to continue breastfeeding my first DS during my second pregnancy.

not even attempt cloth diapering.  We gave up at month 5 because he had recurring diaper rash and the diapers became waterproof from what was supposed to be an approved diaper cream.  Stripping, sun-drying etc... the whole ordeal was just too much work.  Sposies work just fine for our needs.

take care of my own nutrition better.

hire a doula for my first delivery.

continue to exclusively breastfeed past six months.

trust my instincts better.

use a Pikkolo or a mei-tai from day 1.

Things I'm really glad for:

firing my OB and switched to a recommended family doctor.

taking a Bradley class with my husband.  It affirmed my beliefs and put DH on the same page.

opting to use AP principles,

staying at home,

buying everything, especially clothes, second-hand,

having read "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding",

Things I wish were different, but will not be:

having a good support network

I'm sure there's more to add to these lists.

[outlier]

I'm only 4 months PP, but I'll share what I've learned.

I'm thankful I:

- Bought almost all our baby gear and clothes used.  We saved a ton of money.

- Didn't have a registry or a baby shower.  I loved being able to get exactly what I wanted for the baby, plus people gave us a bunch of gifts anyway.  I imagine our house would be much more cluttered if we'd actually asked people to get us stuff.

- Co-sleep.  Friends and family were so surprised at how well-rested we were and continue to be as new parents.

- Breastfeed.  I had several issues early on that made it incredibly painful, but I never considered any other option and I'm grateful I was so stubborn.

- Cloth diaper.  I love it, and they work so well!

- Had a doula and a midwife for my hospital birth.  I was 10 days "overdue" with a large baby, and my labor stalled out after I reached 10 cm.  I don't even want to think about how ds's birth would have gone if I'd had an OB.

- Found MDC well before getting pregnant so I had time to read up on so many topics!

- Stay at home with ds.  This is the most unexpected thing I'm thankful for as I've always been focused on finishing grad school and getting a good job.  Dh's job allows me to stay home and I feel lucky I won't miss any of ds's babyhood.

Things I'll do differently next time:

- Have professional maternity and newborn pictures.  I'm another one who HATES being in pictures, but I need to remember that ds will not see me the same way I see myself, and at my current rate he's going to wonder what I looked like when he was little.  That's not okay.  I'm sure when I'm 50 I'll look back and think I was crazy for being so vain.

- Take tons more pictures during baby's first couple weeks.  Even the reject (slightly blurry, poor composition, etc.) pictures I took in the hospital are priceless to me now.

- Work out during the whole pregnancy.  I did great up until 20 weeks, then I totally slacked off and gained too much the rest of the pregnancy.  I sincerely hope my butt goes back to its normal size some day.

- This goes with the one above, but I'll eat better next time too.  No, baby does not want another ice cream sundae. 

[moonjunio]

The only thing I would do significantly differently is:

Not worry so much about "teaching her things" and "establishing bad habits".

The amazing thing about babies is that they don't need to be taught in order to develop normally.  Just give them love and attention and they will do it all by themselves.  They don't need enforced tummy time in order to learn how to crawl. One day they will just flip over and do it. They will pick up vocabulary as if by magic.  They will learn to eat foods if you give them a no-pressure environment.

Babies want to grow up, so don't stress it, just enjoy them as they are right now :-)

Along those same lines, I will not attempt any "Ferberizing" or other traumatic "sleep training" with #2.

I finally conceded to try this out with my first one around 9 months old because it was so important to my husband.  He wanted to be able to put her to bed himself but she was used to nursing to sleep.  I strongly feel that it only made her more likely to sleep lightly and wake up when I left the room since she wasn't sure if I would come back. There are much gentler ways to drop this suck-to-sleep habit, see ideas in the No Cry Sleep Solution book.  Even better, wait for her to grow out of it if everyone is relatively happy with the situation.

[QuiltingMagwi]

I wish I had not procrastinated. LO was 2 months early and we had not taken any classes, or finished buying nursery gear.

I wish I had stood up for me and my baby - my mother in law would not leave the room ever - I should have told her how uncomfortable I was breastfeeding and pumping and showering infront of her.

I wish I had told the nurse not to give my LO a bottle!  when I wasn't around - breastfeeding never worked although I still try everyday every hour - she hates it.

I wish I had bought a video recorder - taped the birth and all those special first milestones that have happened in the last 6 months - they happen so fast and you just don't get them back.

Finally I wish I had had professional baby bump pictures taken - especially with my hubby.

Having a baby has just made me realize how much of life I have taken for granted. Never again.

[DoopaMama]

I'm really glad I...

didn't put my entire life on hold because we got pregnant unexpectedly.  I know I was really lucky to not have any problems and to have so many people around us who celebrated us having a baby together instead of abandoning us for straying from the approved religious path.  (there are still some old grudges being held against certain family members...)

told my mother (and sisters) and mother-in-law that they could buy us all the baby and kid clothes they wanted, just PLEASE avoud extreme pink.  they all have been petty good about the pink and we haven't had to buy clothes for either daughter yet!  and dd1 is 3.5 yo. 

made my own wrap.  i get comments on it EVERY time I use it, it has just the right amount of stretch, even for a tiny baby.  It is perfect for wearing even my 16 mo baby for hours at a time, is perfect for traveling around tons of people when just me and my 2 girls and it can do anything carrying and do blanket duty too!

accepted a really used ring sling from some friends.  it wore out really quick but i dissected it and sewed a new one that I like even better.  it was invaluable and still is, especially for errand trips in and out of the carseat all the time.

coslept and breastfed.  (still am w/ dd2! )  I'm also glad that i nightweaned/weaned my dd1 to a paci at about 6 mo prego w/ dd2.  i felt so much better and dh helped a lot w/ putting dd1 to bed when we transitioned her to her own room.

accepted the old crib and toddler bed from my parents that they had kept from me and my sibs.  yeah we didn't use the crib much, didn't even set it up with dd2 (though there were times i wish i had...) but allowing my dad to paint it up for us i think made him feel better.  and i might set it up if we have space for dc3 eventually...

stuck with our parenting gut even though we have no friends with kids (well now we do...) to lean on and both our parents had different experiences with us... being of a different time

glad I learned to validate others' birth, breastfeeding and child experiences and just not let on that i might think they're wrong and really DID have enough milk and just didn't try, etc. 

glad I did a "homebirth" with a midwife at her clinic-home with dd1 and stuck with it despite arguments about safety with brothers in law and mothers.  it was wonderful and i had no problems and i still feel that it kept me from being forced into a medicalized birth unnecessarily.

glad i found a good family doc here (different midwife culture here...) instead who was willing to let me do a completely natural birth. (even though dd2 took over 30 hours of actual labor).

stuck with school.  and that I decided to just do daycare.  although it is an amazingly wonderful place.  and that we spent the $50 for the high quality single hand pump breastpump.  I didn't need more, especialy having to haul it around with me at school and I'm bl;essed by my milk quantities.

call things "immunity builders"  like eating sheep poop and crawling on dirty floors.  yes not great and prevention is applied.  but kids do gross things and i'm glad i don't freak about it.

always encouraged independence.  less whiny do-everything-for-me moments.  i despise watching it in other families.

kept every issue of mothering.  they all have something worthwhile in them.  i loaned them to a friend when they got prego and she loved it and devoured them.  I love being able to support friends and family that way.

I wish I had...

taken more photos of my dd2.  and family pics.  and of dd1 after dd2... etc

put more emphasis on a schedule for dd1 especially but for our whole family.  our girls suffer from not always having one and so do we.

felt comfortable asking my own mother to come stay with us for a week after dd2 was born.  as much as i love my mil, she wanted to sit and talk rather than do chores for me or apologized so much for not doing them i ended up having her hold the baby and watch dd1 while i got up and did work.  which was really ok, i felt up to it and was going a little stir-crazy just sitting.  I woul have felt better in more familiar care, so to speak.

been a little better about kid food stains on clothes.  the next time around i'm feeliong a little self conscious about the stains and such, like it'snot fair tp dd2 because she'll always be getting hand-me-downs and to her they shoul feel just as new as big sisters clothes (used or otherwise)

been more upfront with my folks about things wanted and not, granted they did try some.  they got us with dd1, the graco travel system.  I wish we had told them we had a nice bob stroller, )thanks rei staff deals!) and just wanted the bucket seat and maybe a set for making the seat fir the BOB. 

more i'm sure, lambs to check!

[Ttarail]

Glad to have:
found an online AP community. Looking for another in the western Ma area
I'm a healer. Was a lot freer to let me baby take risks knowing I could heal her.
Nursed for 15 months even though. I had fibromyalgia in my breasts.
Waiting until she had 4 teeth before introducing solids.
Knew we were going to co-sleep so didn't have to deal with a crib or side sleeper.
Wore her for most of the first 2 years. She is a securely attached almost 6 year old.
Went with most of my instincts even if they weren't AP or what others thought.
Jonney jumper not she is still a great jumper with well developed body.
Giving her as much power as was age appropriate.
Being able to take two patients a day @ home
Having her cord blood, blood typed so I could guess easier what foods or supplements to remove from my diet when she reacted to the milk. She is a different blood type the me and this diet at least gives my a rough idea of where to start eliminating in addition to the top 7.
I loved the bath chair
Glad I splurged on the double medla pump, I've been able to lend it out
I did the placenta thing as well. Ate it raw in a smoothy, made pills and even had a homeopathic made out of it. Very effective for all the blood I lost.
To have a home birth, with my 45 hour labor I would have been sectioned for sure
Realiized after 5 minutes not all babies should be swaddled
I have a 2 door Rav4, from the drivers seat I can easily reach a backward facing baby. Just touch her face calmed her.

Regrets:
Not moving to family. I have now and suddenly I'm pregnant again.
Having my immediate family fly out for the home birth. My Dad is still traumatized.
Not being strong enough to over ride some of my husbands ideas.
Not having a swing of some kind
Fear of not making enough milk and made too much by diet and pumping after feeding her.
I leaked constantly. Plus side, I had enough to share.
Started working out way too soon. It took a lot longer to heal my pelvic floor.

T Tarail
Iahp.cpm/ttarail
Edited by Ttarail - 2/27/11 at 4:00pm

[faeriecurls]

Glad that I:

-prepared for pregnancy & birth

-had professional newborn pictures taken

-had my mom at the birth (even though I didn't want to originally)

-didn't buy a stroller

-bought a cosleeper

-didn't buy a lot of baby gear

-went to acupuncture and the chiropractor during pregnancy (especially my last trimester)

-had my placenta encapsulated

-have maternity pictures, even though they aren't professional I love them

-chose a diaper service, I never would have stuck with cloth diapers otherwise

-saw an LC to help with BF

-didn't buy a crib or prepare a nursery

-started out with a convertible carseat

wish I would have

-taken more pictures of us as a family, especially in the hospital/first few days - I really wish we had those now

-organized/cleaned/nested - my house still needs this done and DD is almost 6 months

-cooked some freezer meals - even though DH knows how to cook & my mom was here, this would have been a life saver

-started bathing with her from day one - there was no need for the tub

-gotten a wrap instead of a ring sling - I still don't love the sling

-not worried so much about the "horrible" sleeper/napper I was raising and just followed her cues better - we both would have been happier for the first 2 months.

-not read all those sleep books that told me she SHOULD be sleeping X amount every day.

-met more AP moms during my pregnancy

-started EC when she was tiny. I'm just figuring it out now

-slept more when she slept

-quit my job to stay home with her for at least a year (it wasn't feasible, but I wish that it was an option)

-not fought with DH so much the first few days because of sheer exhaustion and hormones

[carmen358]

Great thread!

I'll start with the positive first!

I'm grateful that I:

• trusted myself to birth naturally at home
• chose a midwife/doula team that was amazing
• was/am able to take 18 months maternity leave
• didn't set up a nursery - she has always slept with us so now we can design it as a "big kid room" for when she's ready
• had amazing breastfeeding support...it was hard for the first few days before my milk came in...now we're still going strong!
• joined a facilitated mom/baby group - we still get together every 2 weeks, nearly a year later! we are a small group of 5 and these women have been such amazing support to me

I wish I had:

• known that breastfeeding was hard work for the first few days!
• invested in a good chair to nurse in...my back was a wreck for awhile while I was learning positions
• prepared the house a bit more for those early days (clean, food, etc.)
• slept when the baby slept!
• known how sleep deprivation and the intensity of being a new parent is hard on a relationship
• trusted my instincts more quickly - eventually I got/get there but I often got swayed

[expat-mama]

Glad that I:

• Stuck with breastfeeding even though it was SOOO hard and I thought it could never get easy- I was wrong, it was worth it, and I love breastfeeding DS now!
• Made a birth plan, had DH as my vocal partner to enforce my birth plan and made sure everyone in the birth centre knew what we wanted, what we didn't want!
• Exercised during pregnancy- it made my (long) labour pretty easy and my recovery pretty smooth
• Co-sleep- I love waking up with DS and DH, love hearing his sleepy noises and love that he knows mummy and daddy are always nearby to help him
• Didn't get any newborn shots, vax or eye goop
• Kept DS's sex a surprise
• bought these things: boppy, comfortable glider, Ergo, books about breastfeeding, lots of books to read while nursing, lots of books to read to DS

Regret that I:

• Had my mom come before and after the birth- it wasn't bad, but she wasn't too helpful and I wish it had been just me and DH for the first 2 weeks
• Didn't know that I could/should nurse DS just to soothe him! For the first little while I thought "I just fed him- he's not hungry, I'll soothe him another way" and all he wanted was the boob! It would have been so much easier.
• Didn't hold DS more in the first few weeks- he spent too much time in a bassinet and bouncy chair.
• Gained a bit too much weight during my pregnancy- still working off those last 5 lbs.
• Didn't look around more for used baby items, even though we bought every thing cheap we could have saved a bit more
• Didn't take more newborn photos with ME in them- I felt so big and cruddy I didn't want to be in any photos
• Didn't get the good double medela pump FIRST- i bought the hand pump, then bought the crappy electric one-sided pump
• Didn't sleep more before the baby was born!!!

Edited by expat-mama - 3/1/11 at 7:48pm

[JudiAU]

I wish we had cloth diapered from the start. I would have save a landfill and $2900.

I wish I could have stayed home longer.

I wish I had known that temperaments can change. I would have enjoyed my sweet 2 year old even more if I knew what was coming.

I pump for a long time at work (18m+) but I wish I had known with my first that stopping pumping would cause him to self wean. Everyone always says that oh, they'll adjust but some don't.

I am so glad that I made co-sleeping a priority for #2. I love it, she loves it, and I am less of a zombie. Too bad DH hates it and sleeps elsewhere but more room for us! I am glad they start potty learning early (16-18m) it makes it all so much easier.

So grateful that I found MDC. I think I was really moving in the right direction but these boards have helped me so much. I am a much better and more confident (and more stuborn of my choices) parent as a result.

[sk8boarder15]

My DS isn't even 6mo yet, but I have a few things already. 

Things I DIDN'T NEED - 

- Bucket seat, stopped using at 6 weeks, its just too bulky for a short person like me. 

- The Swing, sitting around gathering dust...

- An entire SET of bottles. I only use 2, when I go out once or twice a week....

- TONS of baby clothes, he has never worn all his clothes, some stuff we gave away NEW. 

Things I'm Glad I had/Did

- I'm glad we used a bottle occasionaly starting at a month old, he switches from bottle to breast very easily, allows me to catch a break once in a while!

- I'm glad I got differant baby carriers for me and DH. He uses the ergo, I use the pikkolo! Worth the extra money to get one we each like! 

- I glad I have a stroller, some people don't like them, I'm glad we have it! It's come in handy several times! 

- I'm glad I have pump, when I had over supply early on I was able to pump and donate the milk to a baby who wasn't able to breast feed. Her momma cried when I gave it to her around X-Mas. Said it was the best present ever, I'll never forget that. 

- I'm glad we have lots of baby toys! Now that he's old enough to care, he like having differant things to play with! 

- SO GLAD that we co-slept! It has kept me sane through bouts of fussiness and waking hourly! 

- SO GLAD That we cloth diapered! Took a while to get DH on board but now he won't ever go back!