Tired mama in need of support please!!!

[lemontree]

Last night was hard.

16mth old DS, who is a spirited co-sleeping boy, is a very frequent night nurser on his best night.   I have gotten used to not really discussing his sleep with anyone but DH, because I have grown weary of the looks and CIO lectures.  To me, CIO seems weird and unnatural.  Yet, every single person I know does it.  Every one.

We have been struggling since Xmas with molars but had a great night (for us) two nights ago.  I thought maybe we were coming out of the woods. Is fatigue making me delusional??

Last night he nursed and chewed and pinched and squirmed all. night. long.  It was hard for me to stay patient, I am afraid to admit.  I found myself gritting my teeth and whimpering "just...fall...to...sleep...oh...my....God!! Unlatch and go to sleep!!!"  As I lay there, exhausted and defeated...my mind wandered.  I started wondering if I have actually done him a disservice, as everyone I know IRL thinks.  Every single person says things like, "he needs to sleep and you need to teach him.  sleep training is so hard but it's what mothers need to do..." and on  and on and on....in the middle of the night I decided that my thinking that he would one day sort out his sleep without CIO was the same kind of thinking that led me to fall for boys in college who had girlfriends back home...naive denial that only led to heartbreak every time. 

In the light of the morning, things are less dramatic, but as I sit here looking at his tired eyes, knowing we are in for a tough time today I find myself really longing for reassurance.  And really there is no one to give me any.  Just you all. 

Can any of you tell me that there is a light at the end of this tunnel?  Please?

[D_McG]

Any chance he has to pee? When my son would be super-squirmy I would get him up and open his diaper and often he'd pee immediately. We don't EC or anything like that. It was just a suggestion I read here once and it worked pretty well.

For general nightwaking, nightweaning (actually, fully weaning b/c I wean the nights last) was the trick.

re: CIO. For us I say resolutely that CIO is not an option but I am totally OK with a child crying in arms. That's pretty much what n/w'ing is here.

[carmen358]

I don't have any advice as my 13 month old DD is very similar. We usually wake at least every hour to nurse...sometimes more. It's SO hard and I've given up trying to figure out why.

Hang in there...I hope uninterrupted sleep finds you soon!!!

[Angelorum]

I have had lots of nights like that, it can be so frustrating.  Helping your ds (and you) get enough sleep doesn't have to involve CIO.  There are lots of other options, but they are still hard to do!  Not because they rip your heart out like a crying baby does, but because it takes hard work in the middle of the night when you just want to be asleep!  I always felt better about my son's poor sleep when I had a plan in place to make things better.  My plans didn't always pan out, but I knew I was at least trying something, also I had something to say to people who were amazed at how bad things were about what I was doing.  13 to 17 months was torture for us, ds would wake up in the middle of the night and be up for hours, nearly every night!  I finally figured out some things that work for us, and he's had a couple of night's recently where he's only woken up twice!  He'll get there eventually one way or another.

Is there anything you can do to up your patience in the middle of the night?  I started keeping my mp3 player within reach, either in my pajama pocket or tucked between the mattress and the wall.  When I was laying awake being nursed and tweaked and kicked etc, I would sneakily get one of the earbuds in my ear and listen to a book or something.  It's a player I could navigate pretty easily without looking, otherwise ds would have snatched it away.  I found it best to keep the player up by my head, under the pillow or something so ds wouldn't get tangled in the cord during his nursing acrobatics.  It just really helped to have something to distract me from being so annoyed that I was so tired and not being allowed to sleep.

[sammymama]

Hey there,

I'm not much further along - DD is 18 mos now - but I sure do hear you and feel your pain.  I would second the other poster that we had our roughest times around 10 months and then 15-16 months.  She has gotten to a new place in the last month+ - in a good way! - and we are all getting much more restful sleep.  She still nurses at night, but we're down to 2-3x and I hardly wake up anymore.  I do still occasionally get kicked when she turns perpendicular in bed, but she does not endlessly toss, paw, "nibble" anymore (and now, in fact, if she does start that stuff up, it is an indicator to me that she's getting a new tooth, cold, etc).

And as far as the CIO thing - to me, the best way you can honor yourself and your babe is to follow your instincts.  And you said flat out that it feels weird and unnatural.  You are the expert on your baby, so I'd say to just keep listening to your gut.  Your baby WILL sleep through the night, alone, eventually - and can definitely arrive there w/out CIO.  The other thing I always keep in mind is that CIO can seem to work for some kids - but the parents don't talk about when the kid has a regression, milestone, teething, etc, and they have to go through all that crying all over again - all the while when something legit is bothering their kid.

The last thing - is there a way you can get some time to yourself just before bed?  I know it's not always the easiest time of night - when we had our hardest moments I would have DH do bathtime, etc, so I could just chill, do some yoga, etc for even 20 minutes.  It just helped me get in a better place for "gearing up" to the nights that I knew I'd need extra patience.

Good luck!

[mamaforever]

Hi there, I'm sorry you are going through a rough time!  There IS light at the end of the tunnel!  Those molars are the worst, and yes, I remember nights like yours!  My DS is now 25 months and nights are SO much better.  He mainly only has bad nights now when he is sick and not feeling well.  As far as thinking about CIO when you are soooooo tired and frustrated, I've been there.  It is so easy to doubt your parenting choices when you are overwhelmed and exhausted.  Parents who use CIO to "sleep train" their babies do end up having better nights sleep after they have been "trained."  But I believe they are doing some BIG emotional damage.  Research has shown it!  I am the only one in my whole family (besides DH) who believes that CIO is wrong.  I get the negative comments about our cosleeping constantly from my other family members.  So I know how you feel!  Just continue trusting your instincts and what feels naturaI.  I hope the nights get better for you and DS soon!

[Jayden'sMom]

Kids not sleeping through the night is rough! I had nights of questioning my decision not to CIO because I was Just. So. Tired. We eventually got through it, and now the kids sleep great (usually). Go with your mommy instincts. You know what is best for you child.

[abigail_b]

I am in the exact same position. It is so hard. Please know that at this age there is a big difference between unattended CIO and letting your child cry while you hold and comfort them in other ways. I went through this with my son as well, and I night weaned him when he was a little over 2 years old. I did it by telling him that mama's milk was going to sleep during the night. He would nurse right before bed and in the morning. In the beginning we would let him eat crackers and drink some cow's milk during the night when he woke up (he had already been drinking some cow's milk during the day in addition to nursing- we literally had a cooler by the bed and a little bowl of crackers). There was some crying, but it wasn't that bad, and it felt like a fairly calm, peaceful process that concluded after about 2 months - no more middle of the night snacks or sips- and sleeping for about 12 hours straight! We still co-sleep with him. So, I have told myself that I will night wean my daughter when she turns 2. Lately, however, I wonder if I can make it. I get so beyond out of patience...I don't have anger management issues any other time, but sometimes in the middle of the night after not getting more than 30 minutes uninterrupted sleep, with her kicking me, squirming, not letting go of my painful nipples...I feel so so angry. It is not a good thing. Last night after a two hour stretch where I was awake with her the whole time- with her getting little 10 minute catnaps in, I finally just gave her to my husband- he took her in the rocker for about 20 minutes until she went back to sleep. Last night was a really bad night, but we seem to have one that bad at least once a week. It is so hard. I really want to continue but I know that it isn't working right now. I just started reading dr sears baby sleep book again, and it is good to get the reminder that balance is important in attachment parenting, and that if your toddler is making you insane with the night nursing, you probably need to do something about it...My daughter is also 16 months. Hugs!