For Lilzark

[mattjule]

I just wanted to comment on your rollcall post about Frazier. I didn't see it, but I wanted to pass on something that really helped me not be afraid my first birth. Stop watching shows on TV about births! I have a morbid fascination with anything birth while pregnant, and it was so hard to refrain, but I found that the more I exposed myself to certain triggers, the more nervous I got about my choices. Plus I think that anyone will tell you the births on sit coms are not close to reality at all.

I watched the Discovery/TLC channel birth shows a lot when pregnant with my first. Interestingly enough, it had the opposite effect on me. The more I saw medicated, high-intervention births, the more I didn't want that for myself or my baby, so I grew more determined.

No one is going to tell you natural birth is easy. But most of us do believe it is worth it. You'll do fine. You just have to keep telling yourself every day that you can do this, that this is what you want, that this is the way you want your baby to enter the world. Definitely find some time for some meditation-I did a prenatal yoga video when I was pregnant with Tain. I had an inability to sit in silence and make my brain stop saying things, so having a voice to follow really helped calm things down in my head. Give yourself permission to have your fears, but don't let your fears rule you.

I just came off a pretty big rant about something totally unrelated, so if this sounds preachy, just let me know and ignore it.

[lilzark]

Thank you mattjule,

I think I will take your advice about TV shows! I don't even really watch much TV. But this Frazier episode was really 30 minutes of picking on natural birth. It is a comedy, I know, but it was upsetting after I watched it. I am not getting any negative messages from family or friends, why then from television?

Anyway, thanks again.

[Smithie]

Hey there Lilzark,

I am pregnant with my first, too, and I've had to severely edit my viewing of all the "Law and Order" shows. Normally, I can't get enough of twisted gruesome crime drama, but they sure do like to toss in accidents to pregnant women and babies.

I have the same reaction as Julie to the Discovery and TLC shows - usually mom and baby turn out OK, but they are like a textbook case study of what NOT to do/have done in labor.

I hope that you feel better soon.

[eilonwy]

Originally posted by Smithie

I am pregnant with my first, too, and I've had to severely edit my viewing of all the "Law and Order" shows. Normally, I can't get enough of twisted gruesome crime drama, but they sure do like to toss in accidents to pregnant women and babies.

I used to love Law & Order, but have not been able to watch any of the shows except for Criminal Intent (and that was only twice) since I got pregnant with Eli. I'm not as sensitive this pregnancy, but while carrying Eli I'd get hysterically upset every time I saw/heard/thought about anything bad happeneing to a baby. In fact, I stopped watching many of my favorite shows. Just the other night, I saw that Charmed was on and thought "I used to like that show... I wonder why I stopped watching?" I watched for about 5 minutes and then I remembered: It's really violent, and totally inappropriate for kids. I've got some movies on my list of things to see, but I haven't been able to sit through an entire movie that was more than PG-13 since Eli was born; I just keep thinking "What would happen if Eli walked in? Would I want him to hear me talking about this?" I can't even enjoy them for now. Eventually, I'm sure I'll pick them up again, but not for now.

I don't have a problem watching the birth shows, although every time we see a homebirth I remember my niece, who really really pushed for one with Eli. She wanted me to have him "in a swimming pool in the middle of the living room so I can watch him!" I told her if she wanted to do that when she grew up that's fine, but waterbirth has never had much appeal to me. :LOL Most of the time when I watch those shows, I'm greatful that the hospital I'll deliver at is so much better. :LOL It resembles the birth center births much more than the hospital ones, in most ways. The thing I like about those shows is that they always show the positive outcomes... even if the birth is really rough, the baby is premature, and all kinds of things go wrong, they usually show a healthy baby and a healthy mom leaving the hospital at the end. That's a good thing, ya know? I understand the argument that most people here have against them, but I find it reassuring to know that even a crappy situation can come out all right in the end.

Oh, and I also watched the shows and swore I'd never have an epidural.. I think watching one be performed turns most people off of them. (Until the moment of truth!) The thing to remember is that you never know how it'll be until you get there. I was sure that labor would be just like my mother's & sister's, but it wasn't. If you go in thinking "I don't know what to expect, but I'm sure I can handle it." I think you'll be as prepared as you can be for whatever comes.

[Modesto Doula]

I was totally a Baby Story addict when preggo with DD. It was even on the TV when I was being induced with her!

Then I became a doula and started attending births...

Now I get so pissed at the tv I rarely get through an episode without wanting to scream and I don't find myself wanting it on unless I know its a homebirth or birth center.
There was one on the other day that was a prime example of "what not to do" - went in early, she was on her back for like 6 hours in awful pain, got an epidural, was on her back for another 12 hours, labor progressing slow, eventually they have her start pushing, baby's not moving down, babies HR starts to fall, so into the OR she went... They had 20 hours of labor, at least, for the mother to do SOMETHING except lay on her back, but the only other position they showed was on her side after the baby's HR started to fall.
This poor woman thinks she can't give birth normally now. Women who watched this think that C-sections are inevitable, and it will probably be necessary for them as well. The whole time I watched it I was thinking "get up, why dont you get up and move?" They didn't do anything to help the baby get into a better position, they didnt even let gravity help... It just makes me so angry that women think and most hospitals promote the idea that laying on your back and pumping yourself full of meds is going to get the baby born... its sad.
Its sad to see it echoed all the time in TV. I was saddened to see the description of birth that the Frasier show promoted (laying in bed numb from the waist down the way god intended), but thats the way mainstream america wants it.