Weaning a tot? Need some help!

[Debobu]

HI 

I need to wean my 2 yrs 3 month child. I had hoped for him to self wean but I won't be able to do that for medical reasons.

I feel pretty overwhelmed and don't know what the best way to do this is. I want to do it gradually but can't wait months, ideally it would be good if he could be fully weaned in a month or a month and a half :(

So far he has been nursed on demand. I am a SAHM so he nurses often-mostly for short periods of time to check in with me....

He does not have a schedule-it is pretty arbitrary and changes a lot depending on what we do.

He is nursed to sleep both for nap and night time (although I have been successful a couple of times lately not nursing him to fall asleep at night).

He wakes up a few times during the night and asks to nurse. We co-sleep.

He also nurses a lot in the early morning in bed and then in the living room once we are up and throughout the day he will nurse randomly but often if we are home-when he is bored, hungry tired, upset, etc....

Then he nurses before dinner and after bath-before bed (mostly to fall asleep).

I feel confused as to how to do this-I can't "cut a feeding" because he nurses randomly and on demand...

Do I night wean him first? Do I try to cut the quick, random sessions of the day first? Do I try to get him to learn to fall asleep without the breast before night weaning him? I feel I need to have a plan but don't know what that is....

I never really put serious limits on our nursing relationship so I feel I am starting from scratch now when I actually need to wean him :-(

I feel bad upsetting him and feel sad and upset myself at the prospect of our nursing relationship ending. :-(

Help please? 

Thanks

[GenomicsGirl]

When I weaned my 2.5 year old (I also had a 7 month old and was overwhelmed and exhausted as well), I cut all out-of-the-house feedings.  Then I cut all mid-day feedings. then first thing in the morning, then last thing at night, then night-time.  To be honest, my hubby had to help with night-time and the little guy learned pretty quickly that he only got Daddy and not me, and stopped waking.  He's so far my best sleeper!  He's 5.5 years old now.  Good luck!

[Italiamom]

One thing I'm learning with weaning, is to say "in a little while."  I said yes every single time for almost 2 years, so that "in a little while" was really hard for both of us at first.  I'd say it, and then quickly offer other things.  "We can't have nursies right now, but we can go get some water" or "we can have nursies in a little bit, but first let's go get a snack from the fridge together."  Phrases like that, basically putting off as best I can, trying to be as loving and attentive as I can, trying to help DS learn other ways to soothe and pacify while still knowing he is loved and supported.

You mentioned cutting out the quick daytime sessions, and I'd give that a whirl for a few days.  Try to distract and redirect while still showering with attention...  Toddlers are so busy...  Typically during the day when DS wants to nurse it's because he's A) thirsty, B) hungry, or C) bored.  It's pretty rare that he seems to nurse just for cuddles and comfort during the day, and those nursing sessions are different.  Those are where I still give in a couple times a day.

For me, clothing has made a lot of difference too.  I wore easy access stuff for a long time.  It's easier to say "later" if your LO can't just climb up on your lap and start nursing.  I wear t-shirts with snug necks these days...  But if DS can't just immediately access my breasts, it gives me more of a chance to redirect before he gets mad.  My robe wearing days are gone for now...

We had actually started with night weaning first, as sleep was a huge issue for us.  I would nurse him, but for a shorter session (boob drained only), and then just try to cuddle with him and love him and help him fall asleep.  I would whisper, "Mama loves you, she's right here, she's not going anywhere.  Shhhhhh."  A two year old can drain a boob pretty quickly...  Maybe even just trying to shorten night sessions, then slowly remove sessions.  After about 2 weeks, I was able to soothe DS back to sleep most every time.  It can be frustrating though, as soothing takes waking.  I can doze through a nursing session!

Good luck mama, hopefully I've been helpful.  I know that a lot of mamas here have strong feelings about not weaning until your child decides it's time, but each mama and child are different.  Just remember to give lots and lots of love.  You can love and nurture your child in so many ways that don't involve your boobs!

[Italiamom]

Originally Posted by GenomicsGirl 

To be honest, my hubby had to help with night-time and the little guy learned pretty quickly that he only got Daddy and not me, and stopped waking.

After a few weeks of working to soothe to sleep, we switched to daddy only as well (I'm in a bedroom all alone, which isn't actually so bad).  But DS wakes significantly less now with only daddy attending him at night.

[Debobu]

Thanks you so much for the replies...Very helpful!!!

I too wished my child could self wean but unfortunately it won't be possible...

I will miss the nursing as much as him  :-(

I have started delaying, distracting and giving lots of hugs and kisses all day.

Thanks again!