my 18 month old has a temper, what to do?

[Nosy]

This is my 3rd child, and I don't remember the others getting so mad.  When he gets mad and I am holding him, he pinches my neck, which really hurts, so I generally put him down at which point he has a tantrum.  If he can't pinch me he uses his head as a weapon and bangs it into me.  Sometimes if he's mad (and only if he's mad, not  in a self stimulating way) he bangs his head into the door to express his frustration.  He talks, he's happy, everyone who encounters him talks about how outgoing he is, but woe to anyone in the family who doesn't let him do something.  I think he is really frustrated to be little and is constantly trying to catch up with his brothers.   He's also a big fan of biting them and pulling their hair when he's unhappy with them.  It's a phase, it will pass, but how to get through it more smoothly?

[faithrainbow]

Wow, that sounds tough!  Especially if he's quite verbal AND doing those things.

One thing you might try (this is a little patch and won't solve the whole problem, but might help sometimes) is when you say 'no' to him, give him what he wants in an imaginative journey, then take the journey and re-direct it.  It might go something like this:  your little boy wants a toy airplane that his older brother is playing with (or whatever it is).  He starts throwing a fit.  You say to him,  "You really want that airplane.  You want it RIGHT NOW!  You LOVE airplanes, and you hate waiting!"  Say it really emphatically, so that he knows you 'get it.'  You might have to say it a few times.  Then you might say, "If I had another airplane, I'd give it to you right now." (you're saying yes in your imagination.)  "If you had an airplane RIGHT NOW, what would you do with it?"  He looks at you quizzically.  You go on, "If you had that airplane RIGHT NOW, I bet you'd fly it all around the house.  What room would you fly it into?"  Give him a chance to answer, but chances are he won't yet.  You answer:  "I bet you'd fly it into the livingroom.  Vrrrrooooommm!  You'd go around the coffee table, then around the couch.  Then you'd fly it past the diningroom table!  Vvrooom!  Then you'd fly it past the cat!  Do you think she'd like that?"  He's probably fascinated by now, even though he still might not give a response.  You answer,  "No!  Kitty doesn't like airplanes at all!  If she saw you going by, she might run away and hide."  Pause.  "In fact, where is kitty?  Do you think she's hiding in the livingroom right now?"  Then you and he might go on a search for kitty. 

I love this technique and use it all the time.  It takes some work, but it's totally worth it.

[belltree]

Faithrainbown, what an imaginary and clever way to deal with tantrums. My child is not verbal enough yet, but I will definitely keep your technique in mind.

[sunnygir1]

Originally Posted by belltree 

Faithrainbown, what an imaginary and clever way to deal with tantrums. My child is not verbal enough yet, but I will definitely keep your technique in mind.

Belltree, I wouldn't assume that your lo can't get that.  They definitely understand you long before they can express themselves verbally.  And, they are totally in to watching you talk, especially if it is really animated and interesting.

OP, my ds sounds a lot like yours, except he's barely talking.  (And his sister, before him, had quite a temper.)  I totally use redirection, although perhaps not so creatively as Faithrainbow describes -- I'll have to try that.  But sometimes I just have to let him work it out on his own; I actually think he needs that, to get out that energy and work through it a little himself before he's ready to take any more cues from me.  It's like he's overstimulated when he gets all revved up, and he has to unwind before he can start thinking again, ya know?

[belltree]

Originally Posted by sunnygir1 

Belltree, I wouldn't assume that your lo can't get that.  They definitely understand you long before they can express themselves verbally.  And, they are totally in to watching you talk, especially if it is really animated and interesting.

That is true, they do love the voice. But it always takes him a while to register what I just said; I am not sure if he'd be so patient during a tantrum. But you are right, I could and should think about a more sound-focused implementation. I bet dh would be great at this...