I'm sorry for your experience with Ezzo - I have been there to some degree with my oldest two kids as well (Now 19 and 18) This is what I have learned...
Guilt does not help, in fact it will interfere with the relationship and connection you now want with your oldest son. You cannot feel guilty for what you were unaware of!! Guilt will have you resond to him and discipline him out of fear. As parents, we do the best we KNOW how! What we did not know, we could not have done!
When dealing with your son, deal with the little human inside him - hold him a lot, snuggle him and speak gently to him. Ask yourself when you respond to him if you are responding from love or from fear - and then respond the way that would have you responding from love. Make that choice a concious one. If he is not so big that you or DH cannot carry him in a sling, then do this. Over time he will become more secure and less difficult to deal with.
At least he is still young - I had my turn around when my oldest was about 14 and I allowed guilt to rule my decisions about how to respond to them - as a result, they ran WILD!!!!
You are an awesome parent with an open mind and how cool that you have a new outlook! Use it to your sons advantage!
Guilt does not help, in fact it will interfere with the relationship and connection you now want with your oldest son. You cannot feel guilty for what you were unaware of!! Guilt will have you resond to him and discipline him out of fear. As parents, we do the best we KNOW how! What we did not know, we could not have done!
When dealing with your son, deal with the little human inside him - hold him a lot, snuggle him and speak gently to him. Ask yourself when you respond to him if you are responding from love or from fear - and then respond the way that would have you responding from love. Make that choice a concious one. If he is not so big that you or DH cannot carry him in a sling, then do this. Over time he will become more secure and less difficult to deal with.
At least he is still young - I had my turn around when my oldest was about 14 and I allowed guilt to rule my decisions about how to respond to them - as a result, they ran WILD!!!!
You are an awesome parent with an open mind and how cool that you have a new outlook! Use it to your sons advantage!
