I used to think I wanted a bunch of kids. (Famous last words, eh?) Well, at least 3 and maybe 4. I guess part of me still does; the kids part sounds fun, but honestly I think another pregnancy is out of the question. Most days, all I can think is "this is the last time I am ever doing this". It makes me sad 1. because watching my son get bigger breaks my heart and my comforting thought is that I get to do this all over again with this babe 2. because I feel like I'm not enjoying this pregnancy enough and I'll regret it if it's my last one. But if I think about being pregnant again I want to cry and run screaming for the hills. My desire to never be pregnant again is a bigger feeling than my sadness over not having any more kids, does that make sense?
I'm just so surprised at myself. I really liked being pregnant before. I'm kind of a birth junkie. I love being a mom. I think it's just so much harder being pregnant and also taking care of a toddler. Also, I just turned 31, and all I can think is that if I ever get pregnant again I'd be 33 or 34, and if it's this hard now, it will be even harder when I'm older and have 2 kids to take care of!!
I'm feeling better (finally), and I really want to try to embrace this pregnancy. I don't want to focus on how fat or tired I feel, but it's hard because I really just feel fat and tired, lol!
On the other hand, maybe it's good to know deep down that I don't want to ever do this again. That way I'll be sure in my decision that our family is complete.
Anyone else sure this is the last? Or are you conflicted?