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Is this your last baby? - Page 2

post #21 of 47

I am really comforted to hear all your feelings mamas! I have been having lots of struggles and feeling so conflicted. This is #5 for us and I am still not convinced we are done, but I am not convinced I want to do this again either. The strange thing is that I have pretty much sailed through pregnancy up until this one. This baby is a whole new world! I honestly just told my DH 10 minutes ago that I think something is wrong with me because I am having such a hard time.


In between number one and number four, I could often be heard saying that I wish I could be pregnant all the time and just press a button when I am ready for the baby, because I just love being pregnant that much! So why is this time so much different? Could it just be a fluke? Should we really base our long term decision on a few sucky months? Then these thoughts make me feel so guilty because I already love this baby more than I could ever express...how dare I complain about a little discomfort when the result is infinitely great? It is just really throwing me for a loop!



Thanks for this place where we can talk about these feelings, you ladies are awesome grouphug.gif

post #22 of 47

Unsure, I thought I wanted 4, but time will tell. PG is not too awful for, certainly not fantastic, but would not be the deciding factor. I am more concerned with having enough time for the kids, the house, DH and myself as the family grows. I have one DD is preschool so far and I feel very busy and pulled all over with family, school and so forth. I do not cope well being too overwhelmed and I do not like stretching my time thin with the kids. I also already know that this poor little one is going to be on the run a lot. DD1 will be in school full time, and there are other activities I enjoy with the older ones. With the first two we were pretty much home all the time and they always got naps and life was pretty easy. Also, if this is a girl DH says he is done. I think it would be pretty easy to convince him to go again, but 4 girls does sound pretty intense and expensive! I also hate TTC and miscarrying, not sure I can cope with that again. I guess my answer is ask me in 2 or 3 years! I am trying to enjoy this like it is the last though, there is a high likelihood it will be. We will not ever do anything permanent though.

post #23 of 47

After many years of infertility, having a natural pregnancy really caught us by surprise! We did want another, but didn't think it was in the cards. But, that said... after this one, we are done!

post #24 of 47
Thread Starter 

Agatha, you're right about the "few sucky months" part.  When I look at DS, I feel rotten for complaining about such a temporary discomfort.


It's great to see I'm not the only one conflicted :)


post #25 of 47
Originally Posted by Agatha_Ann View Post
Should we really base our long term decision on a few sucky months? Then these thoughts make me feel so guilty because I already love this baby more than I could ever express...how dare I complain about a little discomfort when the result is infinitely great? 


Yes!  This is why I'm conflicted too.  I don't want to make any hasty decisions based on my emotions right now, b/c really you're so right!  I love this little baby so much already as well and it is SO WORTH the end result! 


post #26 of 47
This is baby #5 for us and we are not done (God willing). I've been having a rough time with the morning sickness, but holding that newborn makes it all worth it to me. I love seeing how I've grown as a mother, wife and person as each new child is so different and requires me to learn, grow and stretch. I love seeing how each new child brings a new dynamic to our family- softening rough spots in some kids, bringing perspective to other. Our growing family continues to teach all of us daily about balance, giving of one's self, looking out for others, not always focusing on self, being part of a world that is bigger than the individual, being organized, being flexible, letting go of ideals and enjoying just being- things that were harder to instill intentionally but have just "become" as part of being a large family. Love multiplies and I feel it and I see it grow in my kids. Seeing my 8 yo boy interact and play with his 15 mo brother is amazing. Seeing my 6 yo rock a newborn to sleep is out of this world. My extended family is not interested/involved in our lives at all, so dh and my kids are all I have and the joy they bring me is infinite ( though admittedly, some days are harder than others in recognizing this). For us, children are the greatest gift. I feel very blessed to have a dh who feels exactly the same.
post #27 of 47
Thread Starter 

pjs, that was beautiful, and makes me want to rethink not having anymore kids!

post #28 of 47

This will be #5 for us.  We are done after this.  I'm 33 and this pregnancy has been really, really hard on me so far.  I'm already having serious back problems and I'm worried if I keep going it will only get worse.  It's so hard for me to take care of my other 4 while I'm feeling so sick and tired.  I'm 15 weeks and still feel awful.  I'm hoping that it passes soon!  My husband is not home a lot so I'm doing this mostly on my own.  He doesn't get home until 7pm on most nights and he coaches our oldest sons basketball team right now and they practice from 7:30pm-9:00pm 3 nights a week!  That is almost over now though, so hopefully he'll be home more!  I seriously don't know how you military mamas do it while your hubby's are deployed!  You are all awesome!

post #29 of 47

I have had a feeling for a while that I'm supposed to have three children.  If I had my choice, it would be two boys and then a girl.  That said, DH is scared out of his mind at the thought of having three kids and I'm so miserable during pregnancy that I can't even imagine doing this again.  Not to mention that we've struggled with infertility and miscarriage over the past few years.  This whole procreation process is physically and mentally draining on both of us!  However, I refuse to even entertain the idea of DH getting snipped at this time.  I just want to keep my options open for a few more years.  I'll be 35 when this one joins us and I think I would be comfortable retaining our fertility until I'm 40 or so...just in case winky.gif

post #30 of 47

#3 was supposed to be our last so this one DEFINITELY is.  I was pretty upset when I realized I was pregnant this time.  I was looking forward to being done with diapers and getting a part time job.  Now it'll be another 3 years before those things are possible.  DP will be 39 this summer and we now have 4 college funds and our  retirement to save for.  Plus being pregnant is just about my least favorite thing in the world.  There is a vasectomy in DP's near future.

post #31 of 47

This will be my 2nd (I also have a 3yo) and I feel very done.  I didn't feel this way when I was carrying my daughter, in a way it is a comfort for me to know this is my last pregnancy and to feel settled about it.  I will be 34 when this LO appears and it takes us awhile to get pregnant, so I wouldn't be comfortable trying again in my late 30's.  That and 2 feels like a very good number for us and our lifestyle.  I'm also ready to have a plan for when I'll get to rejoin my career, which has now been on hold for basically 3 years.


post #32 of 47
Yes, yes, yes! #3 was our last! DH will be having he big V before this baby gets here. I was a month away from starting my own business when we found out, now it's gotten pushed back another 2 years. We are happy about the new baby now, but the beginning of this pregnancy was really rough...
post #33 of 47

This is our last, I am done, and DH was done a while back! This is #4 for us. I HAD to have my 3 no doubt about it, the desire for them was quite strong. After #3, I could of settled, maybe. I had a feeling that I would always wish for one more, and my biggest fear was that in 5 years I would have to have another. As much as I love my children, they are hard work and I don't want to do this forever, my oldest is 8 and I want enjoy having older children, I want to put babies and toddlers past me. So here I am. The minute I got a + pg test I got that feeling, the feeling women talk about when they know they are officially done. I am not having any more children and am completely ok with it. Honestly, compared to before where I was "should we, should we not", it is a wonderful feeling. thumb.gif After this baby is born and around for a few months, I will happily consent to DH getting snipped. 

post #34 of 47

This is number four for us and I don't anticipate it being our last, but it's hard to say for sure how life will turn out. 

post #35 of 47

This is my 3rd pregnancy in 20 months, and will be baby #2. I'll have just turned 39 when this little one makes their grand entrance. I really hope we aren't done after this one. We married later in life and both DH and I had come to terms with never getting married or having children, so to have the blessing of each other, then the additional blessing of children is so amazing to us. DH will be 45 next week, so we are both old enough to have grandchildren, yet here we are just in the early stages of parenthood. I always wanted to have at least 8 children when I was growing up. I don't know if we'll have time for that before I get too old and hit the menopause, but we are certainly going to give it a good go. Children are such an incredible blessing, and we want as many blessings as we can get.


The first trimester is really tough for me. I get really exhausted and have all day nausea. I have to work hard at making sure I eat enough protein to stop myself from actually throwing up, and exercise seems impossible that first few months. But then I love being pregnant, so I just get through the first 3 months so that I can get to the enjoyable part. I love feeling a new life growing inside of me, it is such a miracle, and when I ponder that it really starts to blow my mind, that I can nurture and grow a whole human being inside my body. I also appreciate that motherhood forces me to grow as a person and also forces me to be less selfish. Even now when I'm still in the difficult stage (12w today) I just have to look at my 8mth old and I know it is so worth these first few months of discomfort.


post #36 of 47
Yeah, I think we are asking this question at exactly the wrong time, just at the end of the suckiest part of pregnancy (I am 12 w and feeling sooo exhausted and sic). Of course one never wants to feel like this again. This is #4 for us, and I loved my first two pregnancies. My 3rd was really hard, I was over 40, felt sick for 15 weeks, then baby was breech the whole rest of the time, with his head in my solar plexus, so I couldn't breathe and was always dizzy. I hope that even at 50 now I can enjoy some of the pregnancy,maybe the 2nd tri? This baby is "adopted" not related to us, from a donated embryo, from a young donor.

But it will be our last for absolutely sure because of our ages. I am ok with that, and grateful I do get another chance to go through it all again. I love children so much. My kids are more wonderful than I ever dreamed, when I was infertile and longing for them.

I am so glad that those of you who are wanting to do something permanent after this baby are going to have the man snipped. This is so much better than having the girl's tubes tied. Never do that. Women suffer for years or permanently with huge hormone problems after that surgery. It's so wrong.
post #37 of 47

This is my first baby, but both DH and I have always pictured ourselves with only 1 child. Whenever I tell this to other people, they always say that I'll change my mind.... and maybe I will. So far I love being pregnant (I have always looked forward to this time in my life), but I can't imagine having more than 1 kid, at least for me.


post #38 of 47
Originally Posted by cat13 View Post

This is my first baby, but both DH and I have always pictured ourselves with only 1 child. Whenever I tell this to other people, they always say that I'll change my mind.... and maybe I will. So far I love being pregnant (I have always looked forward to this time in my life), but I can't imagine having more than 1 kid, at least for me.


I keep thinking I want two or three, but when I think about redoing the first trimester with a child to take care of, I start to agree with you on that one ;)

post #39 of 47
Originally Posted by Autoemesiss View Post

This is our last. It took a long time to convince DH for a third. It was just something in my gut that said, one more. Now that I am pregnant, there is not a doubt in my soul that this is the LAST ONE. no more.

It also took my DH a while to warm up to the idea of a 4th but I felt I really wanted one more. If I was going to have another I didn't want to wait around to do it, for many reasons. I also feel, now that Im pregnant, that I am completely happy with this being our last. I am really looking forward to being done with pregnancies and the negative parts of the nursing/newborn phase (don't get me wrong, I love love love little ones but it has had an affect on my marriage with the other babies--mainly lack of sex leading to a grumpy husband, me being tired and over-touched, etc :) I can't wait to get rid of my maternity clothes and eventually get my body back, be able to excercise and have some drinks if I want :) I am excited for the next phase of our family's life, being able to travel more easily and have fun with slightly older kids. All that being said, we are Catholic and practice Natural Family Planning (fertility awareness) as "birth control". I totally believe in it and know that if we are diligent it will be fine, but it does require restraint at certain times which is not my DHs strong suit..... I am fully prepared to be the "bedroom enforcer" from now on though!

post #40 of 47

I started this pregnancy pretty certain I would want to go for one more later to give us an even 4 kids, but I'm starting to feel pretty sure that 3 might be it.  The reality is that DH and I will both always be working full-time, and that is pretty hectic with the two we already have.  I'm starting to get nervous about how it's going to work with another LO in tow and I can't even BEGIN to imagine how we would ever manage 4.  As much as I love these ages and the idea of the newborn stage, it's also exciting to think that after August we will be inching our way out of these baby and toddler years.  


At any rate, if we would go for another, we will keep them close in age like we have been.  As crazy as things are being pregnant with a 3-year-old and a 1-year old, I can't imagine having gotten a break from the baby days only to be heading back into it.

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