I don't think I want to BF

[nwatt]

I BFed my DD for 14 months.  We only weaned because I found out I was PG with twins and I wasn't gaining any weight.  I was fine with BFing her.  It was really easy, though I did have to give up dairy and soy for a year, but I never enjoyed it.  I never found it to be a great bonding experience or anything like that. 

The thought of having to BF my twins in just 4 or 5 weeks is making me a little anxious.  I really just don't have any desire to do it.  I feel like it is going to be so hard and that it will keep me from being able to do things with DD.  I don't understand how nursing on the go will work with twins.  With DD I would just toss her in a carrier and nurse whenever we were out.  This doesn't seem like it will be remotely possible with twins. 

We have hired a mother's helper because I am on bed rest and she is going to continue working with us for as long as we need her.  I just feel like she is going to replace me with DD because I am going to be doing nothing but nursing for months and months. 

On top of that the twins are going to be early.  My BP is going up, the protein in my urine is increasing, and Baby B is having some growth problems due to unequal placenta sharing.  We are hoping to make it to 36 weeks and then they will definitely be here before 37 weeks.  I know that an early arrival can make BFing hard and I just really don't know if I have it in me.

Sorry for the ramble.  I really don't know what I am looking for here.  I want to want to BF the twins, but I just don't know.

[mauri456]

Congrats on your twins!!!  I have 4 month old twins and a three year old little girl.    I have learned over these last few months, that whatever you need to do to keep your sanity and keep your multiples happy goes.   My pedi said early on - "forget about the rules with twins".  Now, she was more giving us "permission" to cosleep (which we were doing anyway) but the point is you have two tiny lives to care for plus your other child! 

As far as the nursing -- if you reallly feel that you 100% do not want to nurse them, then so be it!   I think nursing is wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.  I am nursing my twins.   But I will be quite honest - it is the HARDEST thing I have EVER done... harder than my all natural twin VBAC, much harder than nursing my older DD, I could go on.

But -- for me it isn't just the nursing that is so hard--- it is the caring for two tiny babies.  I thought we'd be out and about b/c that's the kind of people we are.  However, this weekend was one of the first weekends we all went out as a family to the children's museum.... why?   Well just the act of getting two little babies out is well daunting.   I am sure there are some mamas that are out and about with their twins -- but for me it's just been really hard to coordinate without another adult with me to be baby holder for the second baby.   (I just cant manage to wear both at once).... And then when you are out you become the circus act of people STARING and COMMENTING constantly b/c you GASP have twins.   SIGH......

I guess what I am trying to say is that not nursing I don't think is THAT much easier.... of course it helps bc there is someone else to do the feedings, it isnt all you.  But, there is still the dipes, the walking, shh'ing, putting down for naps, entertaining.   Rather than sitting there nursing - you will be sitting there feeding bottles, fixing formula, washing bottles.  

I hope I dont sound negative b//c that isnt my intention.  And I think whatever you decide is wonderful.   Maybe just see when the babies come and how things go?  If they latch on great and your milk comes in wonderfully - then nurse.  But if it is lots of struggle - evaluate it then.   No matter what you are a good mama who is caring for your beautiful babies.

[PiggyPiggyOinkOink]

Well I can say that I don't have multiples, but if any expectant mom was sure she didn't want to breastfeed, I would applaud her for knowing her limitations. Seriously. I have many friends and family with multiples, and know how hard it can be just on the day to day stuff sometimes. Of course there is always the option of doing half formula/half breastfeeding, but either way your babies will grow just fine. Good luck to you!

[annettemarie]

You sound a little sad, OP, and I understand-- facing twins can be extremely overwhelming! I have a thread in this forum where I shared how scared and unthrilled I was to be having twins, and was shocked to find that many people felt exactly the same way,

My twins didn't come too early-- they were born at 38 weeks-- but I went into heart failure after they were born. Because of medications I was given while I was on the vent, they couldn't nurse until they were 2 1/2 weeks old. I can honestly say that formula feeding was a hassle. It took as much time as breastfeeding, but with cleaning bottles and mixing formula thrown in. Plus, because it was something other people could do, I often found they wanted to feed the babies and stick me with the grunt work. Blech.

It sounds a little like you're mourning the ease of flexibility of having one baby, and I definitely hear you on that. We're no where near as "pack up and go" as we have been in the past. But that would be an issue with or without breastfeeding. When we have gone to Target or the grocery store, I've nursed one at a time in the cafe, no problem. It hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be, to be honest.

As far as you not having time for your first DD.. I have four children besides the twins. I can only speak for myself, but I've still been able to spend time with the others, reading, singing, talking, etc. If I had a mother's helper, I would probably have her do a lot of the things my older children do-- hold the non-nursing baby, fetch stuff, get things for the smaller children, stuff like that.

[Tigerchild]

As a BTDT (my DD is 17 month older than my twins) who also did not have an orgasmic bfing experience with my first, I would gently encourage you to try, at least for the first couple of weeks.  After weeks of bed rest, you are not going to be leaping up to go running around with DD to the zoo for those first few weeks anyway.  Try nursing to help your uterus get back to normal or to get those babes some colostrum, then re-evaluate as needed.  It doesn't have to be all or nothing.

Don't make any decisions based in fear or what you imagine life will be like right after the babies are born.  By all means, get some bottles if you like, but also prep for bfing, just in case.  Give it a try, if you don't like it then you are prepped.  No shame, period, no matter what you decide, okay?

[kalamos23]

Speaking from the mother's helper/nanny point of view - definitely give her the grunt work. Regardless of if you BF or not, that is what she is there for - to help you, so that you can spend the time you need to with your children, take a shower, etc. I nannied for a family with a NB from when she was 7m pregnant until the baby was 18mo, they had 3 other girls. I did the housework, errands, whatever needed to be done to take the pressure off of mom so that she could spend time with the girls, kwim? Good luck and hugs!!!

[cdahlgrd]

Twins can be scary and hard. Mine are now almost 6.  We made it.  You will too.

I agree with the ap, that you won't be out the door running marathons for a while, so you could give nuring a good run and get the babies some good immunity boosters while you are at it. Especially if they are early, you will want to give them as much immunity as you can. You may want to get a good pump now, so it is ready, and pumping several times a day may be a good option for you.  You can pump some, breastfeed some, bottle feed some.  You can make it work for you and your family the way that works best for you! 

But until you figure out what you can and can't do, don't throw out breastfeeding before they are here.  Try to be open minded and flexible.  You might have really easy babes that nurse every 3 hours on the dot (like mine), or you might have fussy babies want to nurse constantly.  Some people find it easier to deal with a fussy baby by using a sling and letting them stay latched, I would have gone completely crazy.

No matter what you do, it is OK.  You are a good MOM!  And we will support you.

[Ellie'sMom]

I just want to echo what other posters have said: Do what you need to do to be sane, and let go of guilt no matter what you choose. 

I did nurse my twins (who are now 5), but I also supplemented because of supply and weight gain issues. It really doesn't have to be all or nothing. I think it is easier to give it a shot and then decide (without guilt or regret!) that it is not working, then it is to start off with bottles and then change your mind. 

Taking care of baby twins is hard, no matter how you feed them. Getting out was tough because of all the baby crap, not the nursing. :) During the first couple of months I figured out a few places we could go where I could tandem if I had to. For me, these were La Leche League meetings, the local breastfeeding friendly kids consignment shop and the houses of a few mama friends. I didn't have much desire to go anywhere else. I also was never someone who tandem nursed unless it was absolutely necessary, though. It just made me feel too touched out. Nursing one baby and rocking the other one in the baby bucket with my foot was pretty common when we were out. My twins were not super easy babies, but they learned to wait and be comforted in other ways. I also made generous use of swings, bouncy seats and all the other stuff I thought was evil when my dd was a baby. 

I'm not sure you posted looking for advice, but I hope you know you will be supported here no matter what! And though we are all saying how hard it is, I can say now that my boys have such a special relationship that's a joy to watch unfold. Big hugs, mama!!

[nwatt]

Thank you, Ladies!  I am definitely going to give nursing a shot.  I just put a lot of pressure on myself to do things "right" and with DD that meant no formula.  (She was also dairy and soy intolerant so it would have been expensive formula.)  I think that I am planning on trying to nurse exclusively for 4 weeks and then introducing a little bit of formula each day, maybe one bottle each.  Hopefully that will take some of the pressure off me.  Hearing from moms who have already had twins really helps me.  I just need to let go of the "perfect" mom image that I had with DD and go with the flow more.  Thank you. 

[Spring Lily]

That is great you're going to give it a try! Early on things were difficult in my situation (mine were earlier than yours will be) and I found that they just physically couldn't nurse exclusively in the beginning. So I just want to let you know that if they are early and sleepy and can't nurse 100% of the time for the first few weeks, it's ok. Even if you can't pump enough for them and give them some formula. I checked with our neonatologist because my older daughter has some dairy issues and I was scared to put the twins on a dairy formula. The neonatologist said she's never seen a preemie have issues with the dairy formula, and that those kinds of problems usually come later, sometime after they hit their due date. And that was true for us! Sometime around 2-4 weeks after their due date, they suddenly started having trouble with dairy. So if things are tough in the beginning, please don't beat yourself up about supplementing with formula if you need to.

Also, we supplemented and used bottles for a long time, and we able to transition to exclusive nursing. It was difficult, but I kept focusing on getting through the day. Not worrying about the future and how long this would be a struggle, etc etc. Just "get through the next 10 minutes of this nursing session." I kept telling myself that this is a short term thing and we'll have many easy months if I can get through this. It helped to keep it in perspective like that, that this was just the initial investment and would pay off later.


I also wanted to mention that you sound fearful of losing your current close relationship with your DD. I think that's totally normal, and something we all go through. It will change, but you can get it back again, if that's any reassurance.

[Tigerchild]

Originally Posted by nwatt 

  I just put a lot of pressure on myself to do things "right" and with DD that meant no formula.  (She was also dairy and soy intolerant so it would have been expensive formula.)  I think that I am planning on trying to nurse exclusively for 4 weeks and then introducing a little bit of formula each day, maybe one bottle each.  Hopefully that will take some of the pressure off me.  Hearing from moms who have already had twins really helps me.  I just need to let go of the "perfect" mom image that I had with DD and go with the flow more.  Thank you. 

You know, one of the best things that came of being a twin mom for me (though keep in mind I am stubborn, often arrogant, and tend to only learn things the hard way) was being liberated from always doing The Very Best Right Way of Parenting (or I guess, liberated from thinking that there was such a thing).  I find I am a better parent now that twinparenting has pretty much beaten that out of me.  (Don't worry, I suspect you are way more smarter and less in need of a high horse tumble than I was!!!!)  Learning how to be flexible, to try new things, to be creative, to not be so stupidly all or nothing, to never say never (except for abusive things, natch)--wow, I can say that it's improved my parenting even with my firstborn in ways that I never would have learned without that universal prompting to loosen up.  It's also made me a more compassionate person, esp. to other mamas.  :)

You are going to be fine.  You are awesome! 
 

[Llyra]

You know, one of the best things that came of being a twin mom for me (though keep in mind I am stubborn, often arrogant, and tend to only learn things the hard way) was being liberated from always doing The Very Best Right Way of Parenting (or I guess, liberated from thinking that there was such a thing). I find I am a better parent now that twinparenting has pretty much beaten that out of me.

This rings so true for me. Having twins knocked all of the APer-than-thou out of me really quick. And I'm a better parent now, and a more balanced person, because of it. It taught me that I am only one person, and I can only do so much, and somehow they turn out okay even when I screw up.

I would encourage you to give the breastfeeding a try. It's easier to try it, and find out it isn't working, and then to stop, than it is to try and start later on if you feel regret. The worst that can happen is that it doesn't work so well, and you decide to stop, or to breastfeed part-time. And you might find, like I did, that the breastfeeding makes it easier. My first was bottlefed, so I say this from experience-- breastfeeding makes it easier, in a lot of ways, once you get past the difficult learning curve. Formula is an enormous hassle. I don't know how I would have gone about soothing two babies at the same time, if I couldn't sit down and plug them each into a breast. We did wind up giving DD2 a bottle a day, so I could spend some time with DD1. DS refused the bottles until about a year old. But breastfeeding was my best parenting tool, and I'm so glad I stuck out the difficult early months.

The hardest part of twins, for me, has been the diapers. I had three in diapers for awhile, and that was rough. And the potty training is hard, too-- once child wetting his pants is no big deal, but having three do it in one outing to the mall is quite another.

I think parenting multiple small children and infants is the challenge. And it is a challenge. And it's entirely understandable that you're feeling anxious, ambivalent, or however you're feeling. I had lots of feelings I was almost afraid to talk about-- feelings like, "I don't WANT twins. I didn't ask for this." I worried about DD1 a lot, too. Whatever you're feeling, give it some time and be easy on yourself. Whatever you decide, it'll work out well.

Go easy on yourself, mama.

[sept2008twingirls]

Just another observation from a BTDT mom.  I had a 23 month old when my twin girls were born.  I struggled for the 1st month, thinking I wouldn't be able to make enough milk.  I pumped/supplemented, etc.  FINALLY, my milk came in.  Oh, it was SOOO much easier after that.  Now at 2 1/2 I'm STILL nursing them and trying to figure out a way to wean them, ha, ha.  It's hard to look back and remember that I struggled so much to try and nurse them, but I'm so thankful I did nurse them.  It did limit my time out, as I didn't like tandem nursing in public, but I just fed them one on one while out.  It was SOO much easier at home, because I could just tandem feed them and it would be done.  After having supplemented for that month, I realized how much work it was to try and feed two babies at a time with bottles.  If you can't nurse, that's a different story, but I really found it made my life easier.

Sarah Joy

[elus0814]

I'm also wondering if bottles won't make your life harder. There's prepping, washing, lugging around, and shopping for formula and bottles. Not to mention the cost (although having mentioned that you have a nanny while you are on bedrest and for after the baby I doubt the cost is a big factor for you, a nanny wasn't a possibility for me even while on bedrest so maybe that made me more likely to want to breastfeed?). Plus you'll have to deal with the babies being sick more often. If it were me my biggest concern would be other people 'helping' by feeding the babies for you so you can go fold laundry or wash bottles. I've dealt with a lot of that sort of 'help' and it can trigger PPD. Don't worry about the babies being early, I've nursed a 32 weeker, a 34 weeker, and 2 36 weekers at the breast. You have a big leg up with having already nursed one child since you have the technique down. 

[cdlover]

this is totally just my experience and what was best for me.

after having breastfed 1 for 2.5 years and bottlefed my adopted dd simultaneously a mix of formula and pumped milk, i chose to breastfeed the twins (now 12 months).  i HATED dealing with formula and bottles.  Having to always have bottles ready and having to prepare so much ahead just to get out of the house was really difficult and stressful for me.  

That being said, while the twins haven't had any formula, they have had bottles, and for awhile we supplemented regularly with bottles after nursings b/c they neither nursed well enough to gain weight.  (There was plenty of milk though...I could have a nursed a few more I think.)  

IMO. some things you just have to figure out as you go, what works for you and your family.  It's hard not to stress in advance.  Your dynamics with your older child will change, no matter what you do.  Nothing will change that, but there is so much good coming for her too.  Sometimes it will be tough on all of you, sometimes it will be wonderful.  

Hang in there, and try not to worry too much about it.  You'll get into a groove of caring for the twins and things generally work themselves out.  

My mantra....stay flexible.

[labortrials]

Nursing my twins was a challenge.  I had no troubles with DD and weaning was quite uneventful too, to my surprise.  But Baby A had tummy issues, and Baby B was small and had a hard time latching.  Oh, and Baby A was such an aggressive nurser at first.  Owie.  I probably would have quit early on had it not been for my previous experience nursing DD.  However, I did go back to work and hated pumping and hardly had time to pump anyway, so they both did receive formula too.  It wasn't ideal, but it's what worked.  And ultimately, my ability to handle this "set up" meant that I nursed my babies almost to their year birthday.  Again, not ideal . . . but it worked.

I know you'll find a plan that works for you.  (Oh, and I was not a tandem nurser; I know some MoMs are real big into tandem nursing, but it wasn't my thing.)