Getting That Thumb Monkey Off His Back...

[chiromamma]

Well, out of his mouth.

My youngest is nine and still sucks his thumb.

He's the baby and has been SO much more indulged and coddled than his older siblings.

Tonight he has surgical tape on his thumb.

His big sister was enamored with her thumb but quit cold turkey once she got her first loose tooth.

I'm not sure what to do here.

Thanks all.

PS He does need to quit. We've had a consult with a very conservative orthodontist and it's time.

[JollyGG]

I am a firm believer that quiting has to be his decision. I remember my parents doing everything under the sun to get me to stop sucking my thumb and it simply turned the whole issue into a power struggle and probably extended the time I sucked my thumb.

So I would sit down with him and talk about why you feel it is time for him to quite sucking his thumb and see if he agrees. Unless he wants to do it, it doesn't matter what you try.

Then I think that how your proceed should be based on what need that thumb fulfills for him. Is it comfort? Is it an something to do with his mouth? Is it something to do with his hands? What does he get out of sucking his thumb? Then find a way to fulfill that need some other way.

[ChiaraRose]

I am sorry to say, but good luck. My parents tried everything, I tried everything, but just could not stop sucking my thumb until I was in my fricking 20. I just got really good at hiding it, i don't think anyone ever knew past a certain age. And I was the firstborn and not overly coddled by the way.

Believe me, I , myself really wanted to stop, but for me it was my comfort mechanism. Even though I don't do it any longer (no in my 30ties:)) , when i am really upset or sad, i still feel the urge.

My teeth are good btw, never needed braces, so i guess I got lucky.

I hope you can figure something out that works for all of you!

[hakeber]

Surgical tape?  That's really not very nice, is it?   Reminds me of a friend who duct taped a mitten on to her son's hand each night...That's so invasively mean and I am sure totally ineffective, right?

I sucked my thumb until I was 13...right around the time the turmoil of my parent's relationships ended and there seemed to be some normalcy again. Coincidence?  Maybe.

That was my reason.

They tried ridicule, threats of horrible braces, orthodontic consults, even hot sauce, mustard nail polish and thumb spurs, all of which my cousin got.

None of it deterred me.   I needed it to feel calm and safe.

You may want to address the root cause if it really has to stop.

FWIW, my orthodonist at the age of 14 said I didn't need braces BECAUSE I had sucked my thumb for so many years I had inadvertently made room for my wisdon teeth which were already pushing my weirdly spaced teeth back together.

I now have perfectly aligned gorgeously straight teeth and I never wore braces a day in my life.

Just saying...orthodonists are not clairvoyants (they are however, for profit doctors who generally make a fortune at what they do)...he might be fine and if he isn't it, it's his choice.  Give him a time limit, tell him that if he doesn't stop within the next, say, six months, and his teeth need major reconstructuve work as a result, you are not going to pay for it.  He can always wait to get braces when he is older...in fact it seems to be a new trend.  I have about 15 friends and co-workers who are getting braces NOW in their lives. I also do not have a single UK friend who had braces as a child and they are perfectly well adjusted normal healthy adults with slightly crooked teeth and a heck of a lot of character.

Definitly do not push the issue.  It will only make it last longer.

[deditus]

Originally Posted by JollyGG 

I am a firm believer that quiting has to be his decision. I remember my parents doing everything under the sun to get me to stop sucking my thumb and it simply turned the whole issue into a power struggle and probably extended the time I sucked my thumb.

So I would sit down with him and talk about why you feel it is time for him to quite sucking his thumb and see if he agrees. Unless he wants to do it, it doesn't matter what you try.

Then I think that how your proceed should be based on what need that thumb fulfills for him. Is it comfort? Is it an something to do with his mouth? Is it something to do with his hands? What does he get out of sucking his thumb? Then find a way to fulfill that need some other way.

I totally agree! I sucked my thumb until I was 10 and wanted to sleep over at friends' homes w/o embarrassment. I wouldn't/couldn't quit until it was my decision. My dentist tried to scare me into quitting, but my teeth came in naturally straight and were beautiful until my wisdom teeth pushed around and messed them up in my mid-20s.

I started sucking my thumb at 24 months when I weaned because my mom's milk had dried up due to her pregnancy with my brother. It was definitely comforting for me, and I only did it to fall asleep. I quit by putting my hands under my pillow - I still have to have my hands near my face to fall asleep.

[DidiToo]

My DS2 is three years old, and I've been actively working with him to quit.  It's a process.  We've gotten to the point where he has stopped doing it in the car, when he's just hanging out, or any other time than right before bed or when he is very upset.  Your DS has quite a few years on mine, which can have advantages and disadvantages.

Is he on-board with quitting?  If he is, and just needs a little help/reminder, then there is this stuff called Thumb that is sold in pharmacies.  Paint it on his finger, and it will give a slight burning sensation when he sucks his thumb.  (I tried it.  It's not a pain that lasts or is intense, but it does make you take your thumb out of your mouth.)  DS2 used to ask me to paint his thumb so that he would remember.  In terms of convincing him, I kept it simple to match his age - I reminded him that his dentist, "Dr. M", said that he needed to stop.  That circumvented a control war because he was taking it on professional authority, not mine. 

Another option (although your DS might be too old for this):  www.thumbuddytolove.com

Good luck.  I feel your pain on this one.  The dentist pointed out how DS2's thumb-sucking was already affecting his teeth - the top and bottom ones did not meet when he closed his mouth.  So hoping that it would never have any effect on him was simply not an option for us.

[hakeber]

Good luck.  I feel your pain on this one.  The dentist pointed out how DS2's thumb-sucking was already affecting his teeth - the top and bottom ones did not meet when he closed his mouth.  So hoping that it would never have any effect on him was simply not an option for us.

Mine didn't either at that age.  Then my permanent teeth came in and they did a little better but I still looked like a rabbit until I was 13, by the time I reached 19 they had realigned themselves completely and were fine. Now people frequenlty comment on my smile and how straight my teeth are, and they think I am incredibly lucky to have never worn braces. You cannot predict permanent damage before the wisdom teeth come in, Meanwhile, many, many a friend of mine in the states had years and years of painful braces only to have it all undone when their wisdom teeth finally came in.

 I honestly I cannot believe anyone on MDC would reccommend that thumb paint stuff.  My grandparents did it to me once, and it didn't make me take my thumb out, it just made me suck harder to get the stuff off.  It tastes awful and it certainly hurt me as a kid.  It was like biting into a chili pepper.

I am glad your son wants to quit and is trying to find ways to help himself kick the habit at the age of 3.  

[tabrizia]

Honestly the orthodontist told my parents to let me keep sucking my thumb because it was making my jaw and teeth alignment better.

That being said, if he is ready then I would brainstorm ideas with him.  If it is you deciding he needs to quit as others have said good luck.  I stopped at 13 on my own, but the power struggles I had over it from about 4 on did not help me quit at all and probably made it harder.  It was something I needed until I was ready to stop on my own, which was at 13, my parents tried everything to make me quit and none of it worked because I wasn't ready and it just turned into a power struggle.

[NYCVeg]

I agree that you can't force it (or, at least, you can't force it unless you use methods that are, in my view, coercive or unethical). My parents tried to get me to quit when I was 8 or so--I didn't quit, but instead hid that I was still doing and felt a lot of shame around it. Like a pp, I quit a bit after that when I started having more sleepovers with friends. 

[treeoflife3]

I still rarely find myself with my thumb in my mouth when I'm particularly tired.

In third grade, I had a retainer put in my mouth.  I COULDN'T suck my thumb because it was a metal bar across the top of my mouth.  ***I still started back up again about 6 months to a year after getting it out.***  By that point, I was really only sucking it for comfort at bedtime and such and eventually stopped because I felt I was too old.  Old habits die hard though which is why once in a while I have to consciously take my thumb out of my mouth because it went in subconsciously.  I was sucking thumb in the womb... It fits and it always has.

I also have fidgeting issues and mouth issues.  I traded thumb sucking for chewing on pencils/pens etc.  I'll play with things in my hands (and drive everyone crazy hehe)  One habit for another... it fulfilled my oral and hand fidgeting needs as well as comfort.

I do think eventually he will grow out of it and until he does, there is very little you can do unless he WANTS to stop.  If he wants to and is having a hard time with it, you can try different things (although tape on the mouth just does not seem okay... but then I can't breathe through my nose effectively... ) such as bad tasting nail polish (again, if he is okay with this option) or mittens or the retainer I got if it is within your financial abilities.  Honestly though, if he isn't ready then it is like anything else with kids.  You can't make them roll til they are ready, crawl, walk, talk, potty learn... until they are ready.  The more you push, the more they push back.

I'm sure its annoying and you are concerned about how it screws with his teeth, but I think a better alternative to getting him to stop is to simply encourage him to consider WHY he feels the need to suck and consider what happens to his teeth when he does.  Once he understands the whys and the risks, then he might be willing to work on it himself without you pressuring him.

[DidiToo]

Originally Posted by hakeber 

 I honestly I cannot believe anyone on MDC would reccommend that thumb paint stuff.   

  Since the OP seemed to be looking for individual experiences, I decided to share mine.  I apologize if this offended you.  That blue-head emoticon looks so forlorn.
 

[ssh]

I know a guy who sucks his thumb as an adult. His teeth look fine. His father used to hit his hand really hard, hurting his mouth, every time he saw the guys thumb in his mouth. Since he's twenty something with kids and still sucks his thumb when he's relaxing, it didn't work. Probably made it worse.

[hakeber]

Originally Posted by DidiToo 

  Since the OP seemed to be looking for individual experiences, I decided to share mine.  I apologize if this offended you.  That blue-head emoticon looks so forlorn.
 

I am a bit forlorn, more than offended, just sad.  I remember that night so well.  My grandparents were SOOOO pleased with themselves (She had toldme she was painting my nails to make me look pretty the next day for the party), and I was so hurt and sad and humiliated when I realized what it was all about.  It started a long tradition of me not liking them very much and me doing everything I could as a five year old to piss them off without being caught actually explicitly breaking their rules.

I felt it was very sneaky and passive agressive of them (though I didn't have those words at that time) and I thought...well, two can play at that game, Grandma, TWO can play at that game!

I suppose it is different if they want to quit and ASK you to do it, but it seems like a cruel way to help someone quit, especially a small child whose nerve endings are far more sensitive than ours.

[DidiToo]

Originally Posted by hakeber 

Originally Posted by DidiToo 

  Since the OP seemed to be looking for individual experiences, I decided to share mine.  I apologize if this offended you.  That blue-head emoticon looks so forlorn.
 

I am a bit forlorn, more than offended, just sad.  I remember that night so well.  My grandparents were SOOOO pleased with themselves (She had toldme she was painting my nails to make me look pretty the next day for the party), and I was so hurt and sad and humiliated when I realized what it was all about.  It started a long tradition of me not liking them very much and me doing everything I could as a five year old to piss them off without being caught actually explicitly breaking their rules.

I felt it was very sneaky and passive agressive of them (though I didn't have those words at that time) and I thought...well, two can play at that game, Grandma, TWO can play at that game!

I suppose it is different if they want to quit and ASK you to do it, but it seems like a cruel way to help someone quit, especially a small child whose nerve endings are far more sensitive than ours.

I agree it would be a bad thing to do as subterfuge.

You're the first person I've "talked" to who actually had no teeth issues with thumb-sucking.  That's awesome - I am afraid from talking to many other people, though, that your experience is exceptional.  A couple of friends had to have the special-device-with-key treatment to widen their jaws, which had narrowed in the process of daily thumb-sucking.  They complained of nightly pain from the device to correct the issue.  So, I was faced with, a momentary burn when the thumb goes in now, or risking my friends' experiences of day after day of pain and discomfort.  Parenting is hard that way; you try to minimize pain the best you can.  Luckily for me, DS2 was on board.  Probably helps that he is a spice kid.  His nerve endings tolerate Korean Tuk Bok Ki and horseradish, so perhaps they're not as sensitive as those of some kids. 
 

[treeoflife3]

Yeah, I'm totally cool with the finger paint stuff so long as the kid KNOWS it is happening and agrees to it, but doing it as a trick is awful.

I used to ask my mom to paint all my nails but my left thumb (the one I suck) because sucking it would take the paint off anyway heehee.

[Polliwog]

My kids have never been thumb suckers and they both are going to need palate expanders when they're a bit older.

Originally Posted by DidiToo 

I agree it would be a bad thing to do as subterfuge.

You're the first person I've "talked" to who actually had no teeth issues with thumb-sucking.  That's awesome - I am afraid from talking to many other people, though, that your experience is exceptional.  A couple of friends had to have the special-device-with-key treatment to widen their jaws, which had narrowed in the process of daily thumb-sucking.  They complained of nightly pain from the device to correct the issue.  So, I was faced with, a momentary burn when the thumb goes in now, or risking my friends' experiences of day after day of pain and discomfort.  Parenting is hard that way; you try to minimize pain the best you can.  Luckily for me, DS2 was on board.  Probably helps that he is a spice kid.  His nerve endings tolerate Korean Tuk Bok Ki and horseradish, so perhaps they're not as sensitive as those of some kids. 
 

[MusicianDad]

Originally Posted by treeoflife3 

In third grade, I had a retainer put in my mouth.  I COULDN'T suck my thumb because it was a metal bar across the top of my mouth.  ***I still started back up again about 6 months to a year after getting it out.***  By that point, I was really only sucking it for comfort at bedtime and such and eventually stopped because I felt I was too old.  Old habits die hard though which is why once in a while I have to consciously take my thumb out of my mouth because it went in subconsciously.  I was sucking thumb in the womb... It fits and it always has.

Babymoma had something like that put in around the time she was 10 specifically to get her to stop sucking her thumb. It was cemented to her back teeth even, but she just managed to work the device just right so that she was able to pop it out without damaging her teeth, and put it back in again when she needed too. So yeah, that didn't work to well. She also mastered the art of sucking her thumb despite that thing in her mouth later on when the orthodontist fixed it.

I guess what I am trying to say, is that I agree with some of the PPs who say it needs to be his choice to stop. Otherwise, you can do everything in the book and still have a thumb sucker. If he wants to suck his thumb, he will find a way.