Is this 'nightweaning gone horribly wrong'???? WWYD?

[crunchy_mommy]

So last week I decided I'd had enough with the waking-every-1/2-hour thing and that nursing was NOT helping DS fall asleep or sleep better. I actually swore I'd never nightwean him but we just hit this point of 'he seems ready & able to accept some limits'... So, if he doesn't nurse to sleep (happened a few random times over the last 2 years) then he doesn't wake so often to nurse at night... So the goal was (is) to get him to fall asleep without nursing and not nurse for the first 5-7 hours of the night. No major limits on the rest of the night or daytime nursing (though sometimes we try to distract etc. since he asks so frequently).

Night 1: Fell asleep late with just a little crying, I rocked/sung him to sleep, slept 6 hours straight
Next day: He was normal, happy, etc.

Night 2: Fell asleep with little protest, woke once or twice in the first 6 hours but went back to sleep when I said "nurse when the sun comes up"
Next day: Fine until later in the day 2 when I inadvertently made him skip his nap so he was way overtired

Night 3: After the rough day with no nap, I nursed him to sleep, but still didn't nurse upon waking for the first 5-6 hours (he was fine with that)
Next day: Way overtired still (woke up too early since he went to bed too early)

OK so from that point on everything went downhill... the last 3 nights or so, he has been RAGING crying about not nursing to sleep (although I do eventually get him to sleep without nursing, and he is going about 6 hours average without nursing during the first half of the night). He is nursing NON-STOP the rest of the night & all day long. Saturday he went only about 2 hours total without nursing (and that was only because he was in the car or out with DH)... Same thing Sunday, DH had to take him out for an hour or two just so I could get a break from nursing. He will barely touch table food now (he wasn't a huge eater before but was at least getting about 30-50% of his calories from food) and screams hysterically if I tell him no more nursing... Yesterday in the middle of a non-stop nursing session when DH tried to distract him, DS starts saying, "Sun's up!! Sun's up!" which I guess means he figured since the sun was up he should be able to nurse ALL DAY LONG.

So I don't know if this is a reaction to nightweaning, or something else. He hasn't seemed sick -- he did throw up twice though. Once he was carsick & the other time, I'm not sure what caused it (though it's not unusual for him to throw up occasionally). He doesn't think anything hurts (he does usually tell me if something is hurting him, but since he's only 2, it's obviously not 100% reliable).... so I guess all it could really be is the nightweaning??? Weird because the first couple days went fine. Should I stop and go back to non-stop night nursing??? Did I do something horribly wrong??

It is heartbreaking to see him crying & raging about this. He is not the type to throw tantrums, but I'm sure that's in large part because we usually find a way to give him what he wants ("No, you can't have mommy's sewing scissors, but you can use your scissors!!") so maybe this is just the first time I've denied him something he wants badly enough to scream about... but it's hard to deny him something that is a huge source of comfort (and nourishment) for him... plus I suspect he has some sensory issues so I don't know if that's what's making this hard on him....

Sorry this is so long but I just don't know anyone in real life to talk this through with... I have friends that nurse their toddlers but none of them nurse more than a few times a day... and it's just... I don't know. I just need some input I guess.

[peacelove&camping]

i obviously haven't btdt, but from some of the stuff i've read this is a pattern for some kids when you change things up: fine and going with the flow at first, and then it hits them that you're not going back to the old way after a few days, and they get p!ssed :) again just from reading, and not from personal experience, i think you should try to tough it out. boundaries and limits are so important, both for your sanity and for his learning about the world :) it's awesome that you're noticing such a difference in his sleep right away! that's another part of why i think you should stick with it, it's obviously getting him some good rest.

good luck! hope it works itself out soon :)

edited to correct somehow leaving out an 'l' in 'should' twice*!

[sosurreal09]

This can be a reaction to NWing. I have heard of kids doing this and then usually the parent gives in and tries again in a few months.

Is he only screaming to nurse to sleep initially? Maybe now that he knows he has to wait for the sun to come up he can nurse to sleep but if he wakes at night tell him not until the sun comes up. KWIM?

Also some kids after NWing will not cut down the number of feeds anyways and just add them to the day. So more nursing during the day but not at night.

I don't think you did anything wrong. Some kids just have a harder time with it.

Good luck!

[crunchy_mommy]

Hmm thanks for the input. We did "try" nightweaning once a few months back & it was clear that he wasn't ready. The fact that he's falling & staying asleep a lot better now makes me think he IS ready, it's just his behavior the rest of the time that's making me question it.

sosurreal, I do think for him that not nursing to sleep is kind of crucial. He's a huge sleep fighter & when he nurses to sleep it goes on for hours & hours... Now that I think of it, there's almost as much crying & screaming when he does nurse to sleep, it's just spread out more over the night (and less intense I think). I don't think that he'd go to sleep as quickly & stay asleep as long even if I went back to nursing to sleep, though I hope I can occasionally do it (when he's sick/had a tough day/etc.)...

He is doing a little better today so far. He had a meltdown this morning about wanting to nurse MORE but DH was able to finally redirect him after 20 minutes or so... the rest of the day, so far, so good, we're trying to keep him busy. If his behavior/mood continues to improve today & tomorrow, I think we'll stick with the nightweaning, but if it starts going downhill again I will really need to reconsider.

peacelove&camping, I'm glad to hear that you've heard about other kids reacting this way. It does seem like he was OK with the change when he thought it was only for a day or two, but when he realized it was 'permanent' he freaked out. "Tough love" is so not my thing but our nursing & sleeping relationships clearly need some limits before I absolutely lose it. I just feel horrible that it's affected him so much. In a perfect world, I would let him nurse 24/7... but in that perfect world I also wouldn't have a job, and I'd have a maid, oh and someone to bring me food & rub my shoulders and a constant supply of books and entertainment... and a way to exercise while nursing so I could lose all the weight this sedentary lifestyle has given me...

[peacelove&camping]

Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy 

Hmm thanks for the input. We did "try" nightweaning once a few months back & it was clear that he wasn't ready. The fact that he's falling & staying asleep a lot better now makes me think he IS ready, it's just his behavior the rest of the time that's making me question it.

sosurreal, I do think for him that not nursing to sleep is kind of crucial. He's a huge sleep fighter & when he nurses to sleep it goes on for hours & hours... Now that I think of it, there's almost as much crying & screaming when he does nurse to sleep, it's just spread out more over the night (and less intense I think). I don't think that he'd go to sleep as quickly & stay asleep as long even if I went back to nursing to sleep, though I hope I can occasionally do it (when he's sick/had a tough day/etc.)...

He is doing a little better today so far. He had a meltdown this morning about wanting to nurse MORE but DH was able to finally redirect him after 20 minutes or so... the rest of the day, so far, so good, we're trying to keep him busy. If his behavior/mood continues to improve today & tomorrow, I think we'll stick with the nightweaning, but if it starts going downhill again I will really need to reconsider.

peacelove&camping, I'm glad to hear that you've heard about other kids reacting this way. It does seem like he was OK with the change when he thought it was only for a day or two, but when he realized it was 'permanent' he freaked out. "Tough love" is so not my thing but our nursing & sleeping relationships clearly need some limits before I absolutely lose it. I just feel horrible that it's affected him so much. In a perfect world, I would let him nurse 24/7... but in that perfect world I also wouldn't have a job, and I'd have a maid, oh and someone to bring me food & rub my shoulders and a constant supply of books and entertainment... and a way to exercise while nursing so I could lose all the weight this sedentary lifestyle has given me...

glad to hear that he seems to be making progress! i don't think it's even tough love.... i think it's just being the grownup, and showing him that sometimes things don't go his way, and helping him to cope with that, by understanding that he's having a hard time with it but still showing him that these are where the limits need to be.

also.... uh, can i move to your perfect world? i swear, i don't eat much, and i'm hilarious in real life! :D

[sosurreal09]

I wasn't trying to say you should stop

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by peacelove&camping 

glad to hear that he seems to be making progress! i don't think it's even tough love.... i think it's just being the grownup, and showing him that sometimes things don't go his way, and helping him to cope with that, by understanding that he's having a hard time with it but still showing him that these are where the limits need to be.

also.... uh, can i move to your perfect world? i swear, i don't eat much, and i'm hilarious in real life! :D

LOL why of course!! Even in my perfect world I will still need friends but you will need to bring your DD so DS will have a friend too!!

I think you are right about the limits, I think it's just hard for me to set any lol... I would (do) literally let the kid walk all over me, no matter how annoying or painful or whatever, and I think he's old enough now to start understanding that Mommy has needs too & we have to figure out a way to meet everyone's need, not just DS's....

Originally Posted by sosurreal09 

I wasn't trying to say you should stop

Oh! I misunderstood! I think that seeing him doing so much better today is giving me more confidence. Maybe the horrible mood & constant nursing weren't even related to nightweaning, maybe it was just a coincidence, or maybe he's starting to adapt... It would be so awesome if we can keep this up & I can get used to it and actually get some sleep!! (Right now I'm still waking up at 2:30am in a panic & checking his breathing because in my mind, if he sleeps more than 3 hours straight, something must be horribly wrong!!)

[sosurreal09]

LOL I do that if DD sleeps "too long" too...then I can't sleep b/c I am waiting for her to want milk