Hair! White mama doesn't know what she's doing with DD's African hair :)

[peaceful_mama]

HELP!  Seriously.  I love my daughter's hair, really I do.  I am just clueless, LOL. 

I'm learning a lot of cute little parts and braids, even cornrows.

I don't know what to use on her hair. 

I want to maybe order the Mixed Chicks conditioner.

I have some "hair grease" stuff from an African store that her dad bought and says he does not use.

This seems to be---just from my trying to use it--a product that's meant to be used on dry hair? 

So.....am I supposed to wash, detangle while wet and conditioned, and then will her braids stay in better and her hair stay healthier if I comb something like this into it when I'm about to braid her hair?

I have heard rumors that braids and styles will stay in for at least a week, up to several weeks, if done right.

I have TRIED to take my dd to people here, but I haven't found anyone who knows what they are doing.  (In other words, nobody that knows what they are doing with her hair type.  People who *do* know how to cornrow, but I'm sick of paying money to have it look crappy and be falling out within a day or two.  I think I could accomplish that MYSELF for FREE thanks.)

If it would help to see pics of her and her hair type, PM me and I'll send the info you need to find us on Facebook.  I have lots of pics.  :)

We are both sick and tired of constantly tangled hair.  Also, what kind of rubberbands do you use if you leave it in a long time?  The last ones I used were in a couple weeks (I have a little baby, I sort of overlooked her hair...)  and they left this goo in her hair....combo of the rubberbands and the stuff i used?  I don't know but it looked disgusting and was hard to comb out, so I'd like to avoid that.  :)

Sophia  4  (had to type her own name!  :) )

[laurakathy]

Everyone has their own take on hair products...and how well things work totally depends on the hair. That being said, here is my take (this week, at least!).

I love (unrefined) coconut oil and shea butter....they are always the ones I go back to once I try something fancy. I recently splurged on Bee Mine products (I got the cream moisturizer and curly butter, I think it is called...love them both so far). I once tried Darcy's Botanicals and really liked it, too, but pricey... I have never tried Mixed Chicks...

I aim to moisturize my girls' hair 2x/day....what I use depends on how dry their hair is. I usually use a spritz of water and oil (apricot kernel, often, but you could use good ol' EVOO)....for one of my girls, that is usually enough....the other needs a moisturizer, too....

I often detangle in the tub when their hair is soaked in conditioner....I never use shampoo....

And, yes, the rubberbands probably got all gunked up from the oils on her hair.

I, personally, don't use what I can find in the drug store....I try to stay away from petroleum products and most of the "black hair care" stuff I can get hold of contains that.

If you haven't yet, here are some sites to check out...there are a million out there.

www.happygirlhair.com

www.keepmecurly.com

www.beadsbraidsbeyond.blogspot.com

Good luck!

Laura

[Lamashtu]

Are you near a Sephora?  They carry a line of hair products for women of color called "Carol's Daughter".  One of my girlfriends uses it and she claims she'd give up food and drink before she'd give up her Hair Milk Curl Enhancer (I think that's what it's called).

[peaceful_mama]

No Sephora and I also don't like a lot of unnatural stuff.  

Also, do braids stay in that long only for people who use a relaxer first?  I am not interested in putting that in her hair.  So far, I have had no luck having cornrows stay in and look decent for more than a couple days.  I don't know if it's because I have had people who don't know what they are doing with her hair or if it's because we don't use relaxer stuff on her.

Her hair, to me, does not seem excessively dry, like I might need to moisturize it several times a day...I've been using a spray bottle of just water and a detangling leave-in conditioner...

It tangles SOO HORRIBLY at night and now she gets KNOTS.  Like serious just cut it out knots.

I can't do *anything* with it if I don't spritz and detangle. 

How often should I condition it in the tub?  Anyone got a good conditioner brand??  Preferably something I can pick up at a Target, Walmart, Walgreens...we don't have CVS.

[wwisdomskr]

One of my daughters has locs and the other does not.  We wash and braid her hair once a week.  I don't use rubber bands, just learned to braid down to the very ends.  I find that much easier to handle when it's time to take the braids out!  I change the parts every 2 weeks.  The first time, going from unbraided to braided, takes the longest.  My dds are very active and just don't like to sit down more than once a week to really do their hair. 

I brush, section, brush each section, twist each section, wash (NO shampoo, just very rich conditioner), rinse (careful to keep hair sectioned into the twists).  I work the condition through each twist and massage it into her scalp.  Most of the cleaning and detangling, per se, happens with the brushing (boars bristle) before we wash.  After the rinse, I gently blot dry with a towel.  I fix the parts with a rat tail comb, as needed, comb through one section with a wide tooth comb, and braid it.  I start with the back of her neck and work my way up to her forehead, as quickly as possible because I don't want to be harshly combing her hair as it dries.  I also use pure shea butter or coconut oil on her hair and scalp--just a bit before braiding each section.  It does start to fall out, but as long as the parts are really clean from the start, it doesn't look bad.  For the last day or so, she sometimes chooses to wear wide, pretty hairbands over the top.  They are fabric, with a little elastic in the part that rests against her neck.  IMHO, chemically relaxed hair looks much worse as it falls out of the braids or twists, etc.

My dd enjoys having her hair down, but doesn't enjoy the work that goes along with that.  She would rather be swimming, riding horses and climbing trees!  For now, she's ok with keeping it in braids.

I hope this is useful!  I really enjoy the quality, intimate time with my daughters when we work on their hair.  It's a great way to nurture and pamper them...an to listen to what's going on in those brilliant little minds!

[wwisdomskr]

Oh, btw, you have got to get silk pillowcases and also wrap her hair at night, no matter what style her hair is in.  If it's down, you should also put it into loose twists and then wrap it.  This is actually really helpful for all hair types, but practically essential for curly hair.

ETA: Didn't mean to be abrasive. Sorry! It just really helps!

[MoMo's Mama]

I stopped using shampoo at all on my DD's hair about a month ago, and started only washing it with conditioner.  The conditioner has cleansers in it but not as harsh as shampoo.  Her hair is a lot softer and more moisturized but doesn't look greasy or have build up.

[peaceful_mama]

I washed her hair today---with JASON organic or natural, maybe both, children's shampoo--no Sodium laureth sulfate or any of that crap.  Regular Dove detangling conditioner that was here. 

Oh WOW FABULOUS SOFT EASY TO COMB BEAUTIFUL.  I'm starting to wonder if the stuff I've been using on it is even too thick or strong or something for her hair...

She had just piggytails in today and mild tangles tonight after the bath.  I used a little bit of my biolage leave in stuff I've been using and braided it--put a little bit of that stuff of her dad's on each section as I braided.  (regular braids, I don't cornrow--yet...I've watched a couple YouTube videos.)

We'll see in the morning.  Is there a harm in washing her hair with the Dove conditioner every couple days even if it works better than my leave in stuff and a spray bottle of water?

[Spring Lily]

Forum crashing here...I saw that you don't like using sulfates or any of that, but that you're using Biolage and Dove conditioner. You might not be aware, but those have silicones in them. Silicones can make curly hair get frizzy and knotted, and they are not water-soluble, meaning you need harsher shampoos to wash them out. Part of going sulfate-free is also going silicone-free. You also will want to stay away from parabens & mineral oils. The shorthand version: anything that ends in "-one" in your conditioner is bad, such as dimethicone. If you want to go with more natural product and no harsh detergents, this is something to look into. There's a lot of threads on it in the body care section here.

There's a also great site I've come across called naturallycurly.com that has a forum entirely on kids' hair. They also have a ton of articles and blog archives that will give more you info than you ever wanted to know, including lists of each ingredient and its purpose. If there's a big difference with one conditioner you used, you may want to look up the ingredients to find out what makes it so different. I've found that my hair needs certain things and my daughter does best with others, like no proteins. Really helps you be able to choose new products to try without it being a wild stab in the dark.

[kadevoe]

I am white and my husband is African-American.  We have 3 girls (5, 3 and 1) and 3 heads of beautiful spiral curls so I've tried a lot of products.  Products that I would use for my own hair were not moisturizing enough and products for African American hair were too heavy.  What I found and love is Mixed Chicks products and don't use anything else.  I use the shampoo, deep conditioner, and leave-in conditioner, and occasionally the anti-frizz serum.  I shampoo their hair at most once a week.  I use the deep conditioner on their hair everytime I give them a bath (every day or two) and comb it through with a wide toothed comb to get the tangles/knots out and then work the leave-in conditioner through their hair while it's still wet.  At night I'll put my 5 yr old's hair (hers is the longest) in a loose ponytail on the top of her head to keep her hair from getting too tangled up.  In the morning I use a spray bottle of water to dampen their hair, add a little more of the leave-in conditioner and use my fingers to comb through their hair and refresh the curls.  The Mixed Chicks leaves their curls nice and soft with no frizz.  I find the less I fuss with their hair the better the curls look and I must say that I get a lot of comments on their beautiful curly hair.

I did try the Carol's Daughter products and liked a couple of things like the hair milk and mimosa hair honey, but most of the other shampoos, conditioners, etc. were too heavy and weighed down my girls' hair.  And one of the worst things was the extremely strong scent...way too strong for a young child.  The Mixed Chicks products have a nice light, clean scent and I only need to use the 3 products...pretty simple.  They are more expensive than what you would buy in Target or Walmart, but less than most products you'd buy in a salon.....so for the results I get and the amount of product I have to use, I find the price very reasonable.

[petey44]

Kadevoe said exactly what I was going to say!!!

The only thing I will add is to say directly that mixed hair is typically just that- mixed.  Sure, there are some mixed kids that end up with just "white" hair or just "black" hair, but for the most part, it's mixed.  Once I understood that I was better able to find a method that worked for DD's hair.  Treating it like my (white) hair was NOT good- it just can't be shampooed daily or brushed.  But a lady at her daycare tried to do her hair like it was just (black) hair, and the products she put in were unbelievably heavy and grimy for DD- also NOT good.

So, just to reiterate what kadevoe said...no shampoo (maybe once a month), only conditioner.  No using a brush, only a widetoothed comb.  When we comb her hair in the morning or if we have to do something special midday, we wet her hair down with a water bottle and then put in some leave-in conditioner.  I can't vouch for the Mixed Chicks stuff, I've never used it.  we typically use a baby conditioner in the bath (California Baby currently), and then we use Beauty Without Cruelty leave-in conditioner.  Oh, and DD is 2.5, has hair that as curls is down to her shoulders, but if you stretched it out, would reach about halfway down her back.  Just in case that makes a difference... 

[zensven42]

No shampoo, just conditioner, and I use a Knot Genie brush. Works great, except the hair always gets knotty from having to wear a winter hat/hood. Not sure what I can do about that

[peaceful_mama]

Thanks  :)  I'll have to check that forum.  Really the reason I started using Biolage leave-in was that a friend used it on her once and it worked.  Also with the Dove conditioner, it happened to be here...a forum I found said it would be fine to use anything that was for "dry" hair or "permed or color treated" since it's more moisturizing....there's about half a bottle of this stuff, I guess since it is here I'll use it till it's not...then I'm not real sure what I'll replace it with, but something better.  ;)

Originally Posted by Spring Lily 

Forum crashing here...I saw that you don't like using sulfates or any of that, but that you're using Biolage and Dove conditioner. You might not be aware, but those have silicones in them. Silicones can make curly hair get frizzy and knotted, and they are not water-soluble, meaning you need harsher shampoos to wash them out. Part of going sulfate-free is also going silicone-free. You also will want to stay away from parabens & mineral oils. The shorthand version: anything that ends in "-one" in your conditioner is bad, such as dimethicone. If you want to go with more natural product and no harsh detergents, this is something to look into. There's a lot of threads on it in the body care section here.

There's a also great site I've come across called naturallycurly.com that has a forum entirely on kids' hair. They also have a ton of articles and blog archives that will give more you info than you ever wanted to know, including lists of each ingredient and its purpose. If there's a big difference with one conditioner you used, you may want to look up the ingredients to find out what makes it so different. I've found that my hair needs certain things and my daughter does best with others, like no proteins. Really helps you be able to choose new products to try without it being a wild stab in the dark.

[heatherdeg]

My daughter is mixed AA and Hispanic (the rest of us are Caucasian).  Her hair is half fine & curly and half downright kinky and more traditional AA.  I found the "Beautiful Curls" detangler in Whole Foods and life has been a WORLD better.  We also use a pick rather than a wide toothed comb, and we only wash her hair maybe once every 2-3 weeks using the Beautiful Curls shampoo.  It's predominantly shea butter.  Traditional pink lotion was way too heavy.  She has very fine hair.  We don't braid because that 2/3 of her head is very pretty, looser curls vs. the kinky curls in the back of her head that kind of "hide" under the longer stuff from the front.  :/

I went to the Mixed Chicks site, but was overwhelmed; and couldn't find Carol's Daughter products (although we've relocated and I should look again--we could use an afternoon touch-up spray).

I need to wrap her head at night.  Thanks for that wwisdomskr.  The mornings are the worst.  I need to see how I could possibly wrap her head in a way she'd actually tolerate and see if it makes our mornings any better.  Thankfully with the Beautiful Curls detangler/conditioner, it's a WORLD easier to deal with.

[Soseraphina]

I’m actually African American with a mixed (half black, half white) daughter. For shampoo and conditioner, I use the Curly Q's line. I like it because it is sold in Target, it’s not too heavy or greasy, and keeps her hair moisturized. I wash her hair about once a week. If she has a particular “dirty” day, I may do a conditioner rinse during bathtime. 

Whenever I style her hair, I use Carol’s Daughter’s hair milk and their “princess” hair detangler spray. I don’t know the exact name but it has a picture of Princess Tiana from The Princess and the Frog on the bottle. I’ve also used the Curly Q spray sold by Curls. Both hair products brands are sulfate, mineral oil, and paraffin free.

Personally, I find it difficult to do cornrows tight enough to last for an entire week. It does help if I use a satin pillowcase and wrap her hair up in a satin bonnet when she sleeps. If I braid her hair, I can usually get it to last about two or three days. If my sister in law does it, it can last the entire week or longer. She was the oldest of 5 girls and has had years of practice, so she is way better at it than I am. 

[peaceful_mama]

So which is it?  Is my dd's hair not the right type for cornrows to stay in?  Or have I not found someone who knows what they are doing with her hair?

I'm still looking for a better conditioner, but till I find something, I bought an inexpensive bottle.  I *can't* let it go with nothing. 

I found a fabulous wide toothed comb.  I bought two, just in case.  It's SO MUCH EASIER than anything else I have ever used!

I've also found it's better to conditioner-wash her hair every 2-3 days than use a spray bottle and leave-in product.  Day before yesterday, I washed it.  Yesterday, I spray-bottle and used a little bit of leave-in on it---faster than having her undress for the bath.  Today though--this is a first, I actually managed to JUST wet her hair, no other leave in or anything needed!  :o  that's a first. 

She's gotten a lot better about letting me work with it.  Now if I could just get the rubberbands out easier from her ponytails and braids we'd be set.

I don't feel like I *need* to know how to cornrow anymore.  It's super-cute...but yeah, I could use something for that end of day look.

[nocturne1980]

www.longhairdontcare.com

This is an excellent site that will give you all the information you need. I am a black woman btw :0)

[auora21t9]

The length of time hair will hold a braided style is determinedby a few factors. The skill of the braider and the texture of the hair being braided.  The straighter and finer the hair; the sooner the style will become "fuzzy" and start to unravel. Typically bi-racial hair is not coarse enough nor have enough of a curl (kink) to hold a braided style any longer than caucasian curly textured hair.

As a clarification a relaxer will only make braided styles even more diffiult if nearly impossble for her hair to hold.

In a bi-racial child braided hairstyles may never have te desired effect. However there are umerous other cute little grl hair style to try. :-)

So among Blacks your girl woud be considered to have "Good Har".

The spritzes and detangling sprays all do help to detangle hair, however, on bi-racial hair which is usually drier; it can leave residues makes it harder to style the hair later. A better choice would be a lightly creamy leave in conditioner which you finger comb through the hair throroughly, then use a wide toothed comb. Starting from the bottom of the hair slowly make your way up to the roots.

You must remember ALWAYS start combing at the bottom of the shaft of hair. If you start at the top mildly tangled will become true knots. They may even need to be cut out.

As far as salon brands go Design Line has a nice condtioner that works for culry hair. It is yellow but I can not remember the name. Comes in a spray bottle.

Also skip children's products. They are drying and just because they have a picture of a black baby on the front does not mean it will work for your baby's hair.

Most traditional hair greases will be much to heavy for your childs hair, however in the summer time especially if you swim or the hair will be frequently wetted olive oil, pure shea buter, or even (as a last resort) vaseline will add protection to the hair and scalp with out adding too much weight. You will have to experiment to see which weight of oil works best.

How ofter do you wash her hair?

Do not wash dry curly hair daily. This will strip the natural oils from the scalp and thus the hair itself. Try once or twice weekly. Anything more frequent that can that can be harmful. If you childs hair,however, begins to have an odor or to look greasy wash more frequently.

As far as brands go I would first ask a black beautician to look and her hair and scalp and make reccomendations. In the Salon my hair does nicely with Design Line and Mizani's humidity resistant line when i want straight hair. At home Pantene's relaxed an natural works well. Especailly when I want to wear my hair curly.

I never use "grease" but in the summer time I use olive oil and shea butter. I will also occaisionally use doo-grow oil. Get te yellow oil not the orange one. The Orange has mineral oil in it. Mineral oil and petroleum do not allow the hair and scalp to breathe this can have the end result of making a dry scalp drier.

I tried to cover the basics. A lot of "what works" you will figure out by experimenting. Most black and Bi-racial women have tried "everything under the sun" before they find what works for them

[zebra15]

just a thought but have you tried to french braid her hair.  that could hold for a couple days and keep the knots out.

[joates]

Many of the black hair products out there are horrible for black hair.  I hate that!!! I would suggest to you trying the Curly girl method. I'm black and it works well for me.  I never use shampoo, I use suave naturals because most of them are silicone free, and I wash with conditioner.  If I want a more intense wash, I clarify with vinegar.  I leave a little conditioner in my hair, sometimes I add in coconut oil and I either wash and go and finger style my hair between washes.  I don't wash every day but rather every two or three days.  Use a wide tooth comb.  You can also do braids or braid outs to keep your daughters hair from tangling.