Breast Buds: How did you or your dd's react?

[meemee]

dd 8 has just discovered her breast buds. now she really gets that she does HAVE breast buds. dd is chubby so she has always had 'breasts' but now its the beginning of the real thing.

she has just gotten out of the shower and she has the radio on and is having a ball jumping and dancing and doing all these poses in the bathroom.

i am dying laughing here.

reminds me of my first bra. seriously when i had to wear them. i was 9. now a first bra for dd is no big deal. coz she got them at 4 when she wanted to copy me. she is still not wearing her sports bras regularly. not enough for her to do so yet.

but i remember the euphoria of wearing my first bra and walking around the house in my underwear (only my mom and bro were home) so proud of them.

[meemee]

woah no takers?

is this a taboo topic or do your daughters or you kinda didnt notice this happening to you?

curious how all of you felt about this.

[MusicianDad]

She ran down stairs to DH and I at the breakfast table and announced "I'm getting BOOBS!"

[pianojazzgirl]

I remember the day I first noticed my breast buds and I told my best friend and showed her.  She didn't believe me - she thought I had stuffed something (what would it be - cotton balls, lol?) under my shirt!  I was too shy to lift my shirt and show her the truth.  I remember feeling p'ed that she didn't believe me.

There you go... my one and only breast bud memory, lol!

[lonegirl]

I hated it. I wore my first real bra at the end of grade 6. I hated it. I hated that suddenly my whole family (aunts/grandparents) had to know and went on and on about being a woman. I was and am very private barter the incident of everyone knowing about the bra I never told my mom when I got my period. At 16 she came to me and asked if I had it because otherwise we should go to the dr. (I was 12 when had my first cycle).

[BroodyWoodsgal]

You know, this is actually something really interesting to me.

As a kid, I had some pretty unhealthy stuff going on at home and so, when I got my breast buds at 9 or 10 years old, I knew it was going to be a big deal in a really not positive way. My stepdad teased me relentlessly about my growing breasts, poked at them and was constantly pointing them out. My nickname for about a solid year became "grapes". I won't go into what else happened, because it's pretty triggering stuff, but suffice it to say, it was a miserable, humiliating time for me. I'm past it now, but still get so angry imagining that my beginning could have come to compromise everything about my womanhood and I'm so glad it didn't, but really p'ed to know that it really, really could have.

I really wished that my mother had been more proud, that she'd not only put a stop to the teasing/abuse that my breatbuds were attracting, but also that she'd thought it was more special. The same thing happened with my period. There was no joy from her, just a really uncomfortable feeling. I was so happy and proud when my first cycle came...she was really silent and weird when I came running to her to tell her and it made me feel shame.

I want my DDs experience to be different. I have shaken my shame and embarrassment from childhood. I love and am proud of my body and all the amazing things it does. My womanhood is strong...and I feel a sense of emotional dread (at the knowledge that my DD is going to grow up!) but also incredible anticipation for the day when she realizes her body is changing and I can help her feel proud and special, instead of shamed and gross.

I would really love to hear what other mamas have to say about how this went...how did their mothers make it a special event for them or how did they make it special for their DD.

The other thing I worry about is making too big a deal out of it...I would never tell everybody and have it be a big thing...but me, DD, SIL and MIL are a really tight group of ladies and if it's still that way when she's hitting puberty I'd love to somehow welcome her into her new phase of life in a special way with the other women of our family.

Anyway, sorry for the blab. THis time of life was just such a dreadful, horrible disaster for me...I can't wait to hear some positive stories from other mamas.

[tinuviel_k]

OP: that is so cute about your daughter's reaction. It sounds like she is really happy and proud, and that is great!

I remember my father making some jokey comment about the "breast fairy" coming to the house when my sis and I started developing. It didn't really bother me because my dad was aways teasing us (not in a shaming way). Looking back I can understand that he was a bit overwhelmed and insecure about the idea of his little girls growing into women, and that was his awkward way of dealing with it. But I do wish in retrospect that there had been no teasing at all about my developing body. It really wasn't something I wanted to joke about and I think I would have been a lot more secure about the changes if there hadn't been fun poked about them. (whether it was done in a loving way or not).

[LROM]

I think I was about 9 or 10 when my mom gave me 2 books "Where Did I Come From?" and "What's Happening To Me?"  I'm sure the 1st is obvious, and the 2nd went through the developmental stages of illustrated boys and girls in pretty good detail.  No photos, but the illustrations showed enough of the stages side by side that I got an idea.

My mom was very communicative, always let me ask any question and ALWAYS answered (even if once in awhile the answer was "you're not old enough to understand that yet", like when I heard her tell a friend that someone was fired from their job for being gay, and I asked "Why did someone lose their job because they were happy?")

But body parts, periods, boobs... all were communicated about very openly, which I really felt like served me well.

I also remember stuffing my bra in 2nd grade (I had these little matching bikini underwear sets and would put cotton and socks in them and actually thought that because no one said anything, they didn't notice and I was getting away with it!!!).  I don't remember my mom questioning me about it, although I may have waited until I got to school to do it, but since no one ever said anything I just stopped eventually and forgot about it.  By the time I started to get real buds, I wasn't really phased about it.

My mom was excited when I got my period, but I felt it was more like a hassle.  The great thing though is, I knew EXACTLY what was happening, what it was, to expect it, and therefore it didn't take me by suprise, I didn't have any shame, and I could just learn to deal with it and move on.  In retrospect that feels like a great gift, especially when I know so many women who never knew a thing about it and were so scared when suddenly they started bleeding.

I think it's great some of you want to celebrate with your girls, and that's exactly what I'm going to do with dd.  I'm not gonna get too into it, but I'm gonna explain how periods are one of the signs that girls and women are incredibly powerful and important, and I'll develop some kind of ritual (or read up on already existing ones) about celebrating that.  The breast buds... I'll probably just point them out (and body hair as it comes) and say how cool they are, but not make a big deal beyond that.

And I'll always invite my kids to talk to me about ANYTHING having to do with their bodies, or if anyone makes them uncomfy about their bodies to tell me.

[BroodyWoodsgal]

Originally Posted by LROM 

I think I was about 9 or 10 when my mom gave me 2 books "Where Did I Come From?" and "What's Happening To Me?"  I'm sure the 1st is obvious, and the 2nd went through the developmental stages of illustrated boys and girls in pretty good detail.  No photos, but the illustrations showed enough of the stages side by side that I got an idea.

My mom was very communicative, always let me ask any question and ALWAYS answered (even if once in awhile the answer was "you're not old enough to understand that yet", like when I heard her tell a friend that someone was fired from their job for being gay, and I asked "Why did someone lose their job because they were happy?")

But body parts, periods, boobs... all were communicated about very openly, which I really felt like served me well.

I also remember stuffing my bra in 2nd grade (I had these little matching bikini underwear sets and would put cotton and socks in them and actually thought that because no one said anything, they didn't notice and I was getting away with it!!!).  I don't remember my mom questioning me about it, although I may have waited until I got to school to do it, but since no one ever said anything I just stopped eventually and forgot about it.  By the time I started to get real buds, I wasn't really phased about it.

My mom was excited when I got my period, but I felt it was more like a hassle.  The great thing though is, I knew EXACTLY what was happening, what it was, to expect it, and therefore it didn't take me by suprise, I didn't have any shame, and I could just learn to deal with it and move on.  In retrospect that feels like a great gift, especially when I know so many women who never knew a thing about it and were so scared when suddenly they started bleeding.

I think it's great some of you want to celebrate with your girls, and that's exactly what I'm going to do with dd.  I'm not gonna get too into it, but I'm gonna explain how periods are one of the signs that girls and women are incredibly powerful and important, and I'll develop some kind of ritual (or read up on already existing ones) about celebrating that.  The breast buds... I'll probably just point them out (and body hair as it comes) and say how cool they are, but not make a big deal beyond that.

And I'll always invite my kids to talk to me about ANYTHING having to do with their bodies, or if anyone makes them uncomfy about their bodies to tell me.

That is what I'm talking about...some kind of ritual, that's what I'm looking for. I don't know why it didn't occur to me to look this up on the interwebs! I would love to do something with DD at that time of month that would be sort of a mini-celebration of womanhood. I want her to feel powerful in her (little)womanhood.

[LROM]

This is just off the top of my head, but you could do a search for how different cultures celebrate/commemorate menstrual periods/girls coming of age, and look at a different cultural practice each month.  Maybe make up your own dance, make up your own chant, ask your daughter who she most admires and thinks is most powerful and tell her where you see strength in her and what's powerful about her... I could see looking up vids on the net of other cultures and trying to act out their rituals with both reverence and humor... it could be really fun!   And also very educational, and also reinforcing the theme: girls and women are great, powerful, and should be treated and treat themselves with utmost respect.

[yeshuaisiam]

LOL, my daughter just kept silent about them!

[seaheroine]

I remember really not wanting it to happen -- I didn't want my period, didn't want to wear a bra, etc.  I didn't have any older siblings to pathe the way, so to speak.  I was terrified of puberty, really enjoyed being a kid, etc.  My Mom was so great about all of it, too -- books, happy thoughts, etc.

When I got my period, she was SO excited.  She bought me a little ruby and diamond ring - my first real jewelry - to symbolize it.  It was really awkward for me at the time, but in retrospect such a kind gesture.  It meant so much to her!  Hopefully I can figure out a way to eliminate the awkwardness for my DDs.  :)

[IdahoMom]

I think that even if I was inclined to discuss this online, it would be a gross violation of my daughter's privacy.

[One_Girl]

Originally Posted by IdahoMom 

I think that even if I was inclined to discuss this online, it would be a gross violation of my daughter's privacy.

I don't think it would necessarily be an invasion of her privacy any more than talking about our children's reactions to normal growing processes and seeking advice for helping them cope with a stage or body change.  I do think that it is important to be careful about what we discuss online, especially if some of the information we give out can easily identify where we live and where our children go to school.  It is a hard balance. 

I remember being very excited initially because I got to be grown up like my mother.  I insisted on getting a bra and still remember the thrill of shopping for a new bra.  As I got older I was singled out because I grew rapidly and was one of only two girls in fifth grade to very obviously need a bra and I went back and forth between excitement and dread. 

[EchoSoul]

Which time? lol. The first time my mom noticed was when I still took baths with her around, and she was all, "Ohhh, you're starting to develop!" And I kind of embarassedly shrugged it off with one of those, "Moooom.....". I went for the longest time sticking with just undershirts, but when I got to the point where I felt I needed to start wearing bras, I practiced all the way home from the bus stop on how to tell my mom(I never really felt I could talk to her comfortably about private things), and I sat her down in my bedroom and shyly told her I needed a bra. And she excitedly said, "Ohh, you WANT a bra!" And I said, "No, mom...I NEED a bra." And again, she repeated, "Ohhh, you WANT a bra!!!" It's silly now that I think about it, and definitely reminds me that if we ever have a girl to make sure she knows she can and SHOULD be excited about that. But overall, my reaction was embarassment!! 

My mom was really positive about it, so I don't KNOW why I was so embarassed. Now that I'm pregnant, I share all kinds of things with her that during my preteen and teenage years I never would have dreamed of. I thought my mom felt awkward about those things, but she really doesn't. I never realized how open she always has been until one day a few weeks ago she repeated, for the millionth time how she always wanted one boy, and one girl, and that's what she got. That's no big deal...she says it a lot now. Then randomly added how her and my dad had tried positions she was told better guarantee a specific gender, and that obviously, they worked! And she giggled! TMI, mom....LOL.

But I never went bra shopping with her until several years later. She picked out, by herself, my very first bras, and had them laying on my bed(which I accusingly considered "rude") one day when I got home from school, and told me to try them on and tell me which ones I liked/fit best. Now that I think back on it...I think maybe the reason I was so shy about those things was because she was always hush-hush about it around the men in the family(just my dad and brother), and maybe for some reason that automatically made me feel I had to be hush-hush about it with everyone. Although, another possibility I think could be the fact that kind of stuff makes my dad REALLY awkward, and to this day I see more and more similiarities with my dad than I do with my mom, so maybe I was awkward about it, because my dad was?

[Dr.Worm]

I think this is a great article on a ritual celebrating the first period.   http://mothering.com/health/first-moon-rising-the-making-of-a-menarche-ritual

[BroodyWoodsgal]

Originally Posted by Dr.Worm 

I think this is a great article on a ritual celebrating the first period.   http://mothering.com/health/first-moon-rising-the-making-of-a-menarche-ritual

Thank you for posting this. I'm all teary and happy after reading it and it's making me feel so happy about the women in my life and the fact that there are so many strong women in my DDs life who I know would LOVE to be a part of something like this for her. Thank you thank you...and THANK YOU MOTHERING for having the best freakin articles EVER!

[MusicianDad]

Originally Posted by AverysMomma 

You know, this is actually something really interesting to me.

As a kid, I had some pretty unhealthy stuff going on at home and so, when I got my breast buds at 9 or 10 years old, I knew it was going to be a big deal in a really not positive way. My stepdad teased me relentlessly about my growing breasts, poked at them and was constantly pointing them out. My nickname for about a solid year became "grapes". I won't go into what else happened, because it's pretty triggering stuff, but suffice it to say, it was a miserable, humiliating time for me. I'm past it now, but still get so angry imagining that my beginning could have come to compromise everything about my womanhood and I'm so glad it didn't, but really p'ed to know that it really, really could have.

I really wished that my mother had been more proud, that she'd not only put a stop to the teasing/abuse that my breatbuds were attracting, but also that she'd thought it was more special. The same thing happened with my period. There was no joy from her, just a really uncomfortable feeling. I was so happy and proud when my first cycle came...she was really silent and weird when I came running to her to tell her and it made me feel shame.

I want my DDs experience to be different. I have shaken my shame and embarrassment from childhood. I love and am proud of my body and all the amazing things it does. My womanhood is strong...and I feel a sense of emotional dread (at the knowledge that my DD is going to grow up!) but also incredible anticipation for the day when she realizes her body is changing and I can help her feel proud and special, instead of shamed and gross.

I would really love to hear what other mamas have to say about how this went...how did their mothers make it a special event for them or how did they make it special for their DD.

The other thing I worry about is making too big a deal out of it...I would never tell everybody and have it be a big thing...but me, DD, SIL and MIL are a really tight group of ladies and if it's still that way when she's hitting puberty I'd love to somehow welcome her into her new phase of life in a special way with the other women of our family.

Anyway, sorry for the blab. THis time of life was just such a dreadful, horrible disaster for me...I can't wait to hear some positive stories from other mamas.

It sucks that it had to be such a negative experience for you.

When DD made her announcement, we did talk about her getting her first bra (after I stopped choking on my coffee). Originally we had planned for grandma, or DS bio mom to take her out shopping for that and have a day where she could talk about that stuff with a woman she really looks up to. When the time came though, she decided she wanted me to do it since I've always been the one she does "girl stuff" with. So we made a day of it, shopping, then lunch, then off to my mom's house so she could tell grandma the news.

[MusicianDad]

Originally Posted by IdahoMom 

I think that even if I was inclined to discuss this online, it would be a gross violation of my daughter's privacy.

Not so much if you ask her first and she gives permission, as I am inclined to to when discussing matters pertaining to my daughter.

[stik]

That's fascinating, MusicianDad.  For me, the line is in a different place.  

For example, if my dd, who is about the age of MeeMee's, posted on her own blog that she was excited about her breast buds and had been dancing around the bathroom posing for the last hour, I would be concerned about the type of attention she might attract with that, and I would take the post down for her and have a chat about safe boundaries on the internet.  

Given that I wouldn't allow her to post a description of this activity for herself, I also would not do it for/about her.  

I would have a quiet chuckle about it to myself, and with her dad, and it would be a light and lovely moment, but it would be a private one.  

I think sometimes we forget that MDC is the largest parenting site on the web.  It has a lot of posters, most of whom claim to be parents.  Most of them are probably honest, but it's impossible to verify the claims of any particular individual.  MDC also has a lot of lurkers, who aren't claiming to be anything.  Over the fullness of time, a lot of us here have posted more identifying information than we may really have realized or thought about.  I err on the side of preserving my child's dignity and privacy.