Breast Buds: How did you or your dd's react? - Page 2

[MusicianDad]

Originally Posted by stik 

That's fascinating, MusicianDad.  For me, the line is in a different place.  

For example, if my dd, who is about the age of MeeMee's, posted on her own blog that she was excited about her breast buds and had been dancing around the bathroom posing for the last hour, I would be concerned about the type of attention she might attract with that, and I would take the post down for her and have a chat about safe boundaries on the internet.  

Given that I wouldn't allow her to post a description of this activity for herself, I also would not do it for/about her.  

I would have a quiet chuckle about it to myself, and with her dad, and it would be a light and lovely moment, but it would be a private one.  

I think sometimes we forget that MDC is the largest parenting site on the web.  It has a lot of posters, most of whom claim to be parents.  Most of them are probably honest, but it's impossible to verify the claims of any particular individual.  MDC also has a lot of lurkers, who aren't claiming to be anything.  Over the fullness of time, a lot of us here have posted more identifying information than we may really have realized or thought about.  I err on the side of preserving my child's dignity and privacy.  

We are getting off topic, so I'll just say for the record that I do believe at some point we need to start providing more power to the child to decide what is acceptable to mention to others and what isn't. Dh and I have discussed internet safety with DD and we both made the promise that we would ask her before posting information about her. Which is why you don't see many posts about her from me.

[Agatha_Ann]

I remember I was spending the night at my friends house and I must have brushed my chest with my hand in the night when I noticed it. Just on one side, and it hadn't been there during the day. I didn't sleep the rest of the night, I just continued to touch it and panic about what it was; I couldn't wait till morning when I could look at it in the light. When I got back home, I told my mom that something was wrong with me and I showed her. She said it was just breasts coming and that was the end of the conversation. I was totally humiliated that I had been so stupid to not know what it was and that I actually showed my mom.

My mom did give me a book a little later that was the best thing for me. I felt much better once I was able to read about things in advance and be a little more prepared.

[meemee]

oooooooh what a great idea. i hadnt thought about ceremonies. though i am not ready for menarche yet. i think dd would LOVE some earrings to celebrate her 'boobs'. she is really into earrings. i will have to check into what her dad says or has said because i saw he too got her some sports bras. 

i enjoyed the article on menarche. however i can see a problem with the party. dd hardly has any girlfriends. all her best and closest friends are boys. 

but i love that idea and know a few cultures who do ceremonies.

and yes i dont post a lot about my dd anymore. she is shy but ok about this one. she loves showing off her boobs to me and my close friends. so i dont think i crossed a line here. but no there is a lot i dont talk about here. problems and issues i need guidance with. but no a lot of her special stuff remains personal.

[LROM]

I dunno why MeeMee, but somehow I just have this feeling that your dd's friends - who are boys - would somehow feel VERY GOOD about going to a party to celebrate boobs.  Don't know why I feel that way... call it a hunch.  ;)

(Totally kidding obviously - not really suggesting you have a party to celebrate her boobs with her guy friends!)

[meemee]

lol LDROM "I" am not ready for a boob party. dd is still shy over it so i am sure she wouldnt appreciate a boob party.

we will do our own thing. she has asked me for new bras. real bras. for some reason she doesnt consider sports bras as bras.

however i was thinking mostly of menarche party. 

lol and knowing her i can actually see her holding her own and informing her friends about the whole process. 

i had to do that with my bros friends in 7th grade. i was two years older. 

[Dr.Worm]

No problem!!! I was glad to do it.  And yes Mothering has the best articles, I agree....going to order all the back issues...

 

Originally Posted by AverysMomma 

Thank you for posting this. I'm all teary and happy after reading it and it's making me feel so happy about the women in my life and the fact that there are so many strong women in my DDs life who I know would LOVE to be a part of something like this for her. Thank you thank you...and THANK YOU MOTHERING for having the best freakin articles EVER!

[Dr.Worm]

Originally Posted by AverysMomma 

You know, this is actually something really interesting to me.

As a kid, I had some pretty unhealthy stuff going on at home and so, when I got my breast buds at 9 or 10 years old, I knew it was going to be a big deal in a really not positive way. My stepdad teased me relentlessly about my growing breasts, poked at them and was constantly pointing them out. My nickname for about a solid year became "grapes". I won't go into what else happened, because it's pretty triggering stuff, but suffice it to say, it was a miserable, humiliating time for me. I'm past it now, but still get so angry imagining that my beginning could have come to compromise everything about my womanhood and I'm so glad it didn't, but really p'ed to know that it really, really could have.

I really wished that my mother had been more proud, that she'd not only put a stop to the teasing/abuse that my breatbuds were attracting, but also that she'd thought it was more special. The same thing happened with my period. There was no joy from her, just a really uncomfortable feeling. I was so happy and proud when my first cycle came...she was really silent and weird when I came running to her to tell her and it made me feel shame.

I want my DDs experience to be different. I have shaken my shame and embarrassment from childhood. I love and am proud of my body and all the amazing things it does. My womanhood is strong...and I feel a sense of emotional dread (at the knowledge that my DD is going to grow up!) but also incredible anticipation for the day when she realizes her body is changing and I can help her feel proud and special, instead of shamed and gross.

I would really love to hear what other mamas have to say about how this went...how did their mothers make it a special event for them or how did they make it special for their DD.

The other thing I worry about is making too big a deal out of it...I would never tell everybody and have it be a big thing...but me, DD, SIL and MIL are a really tight group of ladies and if it's still that way when she's hitting puberty I'd love to somehow welcome her into her new phase of life in a special way with the other women of our family.

Anyway, sorry for the blab. THis time of life was just such a dreadful, horrible disaster for me...I can't wait to hear some positive stories from other mamas.

I'm sorry...I posted the link but I also wanted to tell you how sorry I am that that happened to you and to the rest of you that were abused; ignored or otherwise made to feel as if this special time in your lives was something to be ashamed of or something.  I think it's great that you want to make it a nice experience for your dds.