Glad to find this thread!
I'm not currently pregnant, but am thinking about having a second child. I ended up with an induction due to very high blood pressure which led to c-section with my first, and it was a long and drawn out horrible experience. It was a hospital birth with two CNM. I felt like my midwives and everyone and his brother had a hand up in me at some point trying to turn the baby's asynclitic head and posterior position. No surprise, I ended up with a 100.5F temperature, which was over the hospital's "line" for infection risk. My baby was taken from me after birth. I saw him again for 30 minutes 5 hours later, and then they made me wait FOURTEEN HOURS before I got to see him again. Yes, FOURTEEN HOURS in his first 24 hours of life. He was in the NICU, and I was recovering from c-sec, and they would NOT let me see him. Mind you, he was 100% healthy, but my elevated temperature meant that he had to be treated as a possibly infected baby, which I believe was total overkill. He's 16 months old now, and the memory of that still makes me shake. The next time after his birth day that I was away from him for 14 hours was when he was 13 months old!
Anyway, I really believe that all those internal checks after my water broke were the reason why my temperature went up. I'm hoping for better positioning next time, but I'm also hoping to avoid internal checks completely, or as much as humanly possible.
So what I'm wondering is: how do you refuse? What do you say? When they come at you with a gloved hand and insist that you have to be checked, what's your response?
My thought is that NOBODY gets to put their hand in my vagina without my permission, so they're just not going in there, period. But I'm fearing that this will lead to some really adverse interactions with the staff. I know I need them on my side, but I also need to protect myself. I tend to cave and just "go along" when I'm stressed and overwhelmed.
In labor, when your mind is really elsewhere, how do you stay firm on this? Anybody been there with any ideas about how to handle it? Good techniques? Snappy comebacks? (lol!)
It's crazy, but I'm not afraid of having a second pregnancy, or managing to be a full time working mom to two children. But I am TERRIFIED of having another birth like my first. And alas homebirth is not an option -- my DP truly believes that our son and I were near death. There's absolutely no way I could convince him that birthing at home would be healthy and best for me (physically and mentally) as well as baby.