desperate for help, i am COMPLETELY losing it!!!

[evjolin]

my son is 7.5 mos old. our daily routine is pretty good--wakes up and does the 2-3-4 pattern of awake for 2 hours in am, naps for 2 hours, awake for 3 hours, naps for another 30mins to an hour, then awake for 4 hours then bedtime. bedtime fluctuates between 5 and 7, due to schedules, etc. that's all fine.

what is NOT fine is this: we are cosleeping, and i am nursing him to sleep, and that was great. then he got sick, and started this thing where he would suck his thumb and play with my breast/nipple and fall asleep. i let him, because i thought he was too sick too nurse. well now he won't go to sleep without my breast. as in, we nurse, he is done nursing and ready to suck his thumb, if i put my bra/shirt back over my breast he SCREAMS bloody murder for a very long time. i have tried the whole giving him my breast to allow him to nurse thing, but he is instantly silent and happy and just wants to suck his thumb and stroke my breast.

i have to be able to have other people (husband, babystitter) put him down, and this is making it impossible. how much screaming is ok??? i feel terrible, but i have to break this pattern asap. any ideas for gentle ways to help him change? i have tried 2 lovies and a teddy bear, and neither work. even i f i am laying next to him, if my clothes are covering my breasts he is pissed off. it;s amazing.

second major issue is night time. i put him down in our bed during the day and he naps for 2 hours straight, no problem. at night, he goes down, and wakes 2-4 times within the first 2 hours of sleep! wtf. i am losing my mind. i know in my heart he is young and this time is relatively short and it goes by so quickly, but i am at the point where it is really starting to affect me. PLEASE help.

[LittleBirdy]

Originally Posted by evjolin 

second major issue is night time. i put him down in our bed during the day and he naps for 2 hours straight, no problem. at night, he goes down, and wakes 2-4 times within the first 2 hours of sleep! wtf. i am losing my mind. i know in my heart he is young and this time is relatively short and it goes by so quickly, but i am at the point where it is really starting to affect me. PLEASE help.

 Can't help but DS is the very same way.  He will nap by himself for hours (actually naps better by himself, I think) but at night time as soon as he wakes a little and realizes I'm not there he screams his pretty little head off.  I'm just trying to wait it out, his sleep patterns have changed so much in six months that I figure it can't stay like this forever!

[D_McG]

For the second issue, I stopped nursing my kids during that period (between my bedtime and theirs) and instead offered other comfort (or preferably, my husband). Once they didn't get to nurse during that period they stopped waking. It also had the nice bonus of setting the tone for the rest of the night. I started around 6 mos with my daughter, I think.

For the first problem.. I definitely couldn't deal with that and always considered it something like touching a hot stove. Just not OK no matter what they thought. I'd just make it unavailable and cuddle through the crying. He'll get over it soon once it's really really not an option under any circumstances. I know some people probably think that sounds cold but so does flinging a child out the window which is what I'd do if I had to allow twiddling of any description.

[peacelove&camping]

definitely what she said :) i also feel, i know you said it's fine, but by 7.5 months a difference of 2 hours in bedtime is too much unpredictability for most kids. try a more consistent afternoon and evening--the few activities [nursing, bath, story, etc] directly before bed should be practically inviolable, and the few before that [playtime on floor, big-boy dinner, etc] should be pretty steady, to sort of point the kid towards bedtime and show them the day is starting to slowly wind down.
 

Originally Posted by D_McG 

For the second issue, I stopped nursing my kids during that period (between my bedtime and theirs) and instead offered other comfort (or preferably, my husband). Once they didn't get to nurse during that period they stopped waking. It also had the nice bonus of setting the tone for the rest of the night. I started around 6 mos with my daughter, I think.
 

[Jayden'sMom]

Hmmm...your first problem is, well, a problem. :) My firstborn would only fall asleep if I nursed him to sleep. This lasted until he was almost 9 months old. Around that time, I began visiting my parents Monday-Fri, and was driving DS home at his bedtime. The drive was 20 min, and he would fall asleep in the car. Once I got home, I would then VERY CAREFULLY move him from his car seat to his crib while he was asleep. After a week or two (I don't remember), he got to where he would fall asleep at home on the weekends without nursing. Taking away the option of nursing, while placing him in an environment where he was apt to fall asleep anyway (the car ride), worked beautifully, and with no crying. The same son eventually got to where he would not fall asleep without a sippy cup of water. He had gotten sick, with a cough, and we let him have a sippy at night for a few nights. Well, that started a pattern! I tried everything to break that habit, with each attempt ending with my son screaming and me returning the sippy cup. We wound up visiting relatives in another state during this sippy cup habit, and being in another environment, he stopped asking for it. After we returned home, (three weeks later), he didn't ask for it again. So, the visit ended the sippy habit for us. Is there any way you can change your son's nighttime environment so that your breast isn't an option for him? Does he fall asleep in the car so that you can try driving him around at bedtime until he gets used to falling asleep without flicking you? Is there anyway you can get him to reject your breast instead of you taking your breast away from him and thereby rejecting him? After you nurse him, can you get out of bed and try to have DH put DS down? Or change your position so that you are no longer in bed with him in a nursing position? Give him a paci to hold instead of you? Nurse him somewhere else, then put him in your bed while you have yourself covered? Basically, change up his bedtime routine to something new that does not include playing with your nipple.

[VicarK]

Dear D_McG... I found your response applicable to myself as well...

Originally Posted by D_McG 

For the second issue, I stopped nursing my kids during that period (between my bedtime and theirs) and instead offered other comfort (or preferably, my husband). Once they didn't get to nurse during that period they stopped waking. It also had the nice bonus of setting the tone for the rest of the night. I started around 6 mos with my daughter, I think.

May I ask: Did you feed your kids more during the day (purposefully or not?) when you stopped nursing them in that evening time?  Did you let them fall asleep at the breast but then not offer it again after that?  When you say it "set the tone", how did it change the rest of the night?

Thanks for the discussion, Ladies!  Very Helpful!
 

[D_McG]

I did nurse them to sleep. I didn't focus on feeding them more during the day. I didn't notice if they did nurse more as a result. They seemed to just kind of consolidate their night feedings instead (then when I nightweaned obviously they started eating during the day a lot more).

I think when you have a child nursing 10x night (which my first did) they are demonstrating that they do not know how to/that it is possible to fall back to sleep when they wake from a normal sleep cycle. So taking a 3 hour period where if they woke, nursing was not available gave them a little 'aha' and let them do that same thing overnight . Just wake and go back to sleep. No nursing. Both of them basically started nursing at night only when they were hungry as a result.

[DevonnaJames]

Losing it, lost it, and going to lose it again is my routine. My 6 year old turns into Ms. Hyde and 8:30 every night!