Not sure what to do

[happynaturalmama]

Sorry in advance if this gets kind of lengthy

After our last birth, my Husband and I have wanted to have an UC.  I'm now pregnant again and that's still what we want,  but I"m torn on what to do about prenatal care.

There is a part of me that wants SOME prenatal care, like right now I think I have some kind of topical vaginal infection, maybe yeast, maybe something else, and I'd like to have someone that might know what it is.  Also part of me is afraid that if we don't have a mw we'll get in "trouble" from CPS.  I know UC is legal, but part of me is afraid that that doesn't even matter.

There's a mw I wouldn't mind seeing some but would it be a bad idea to tell her that we're actually wanting an UC and just want a few prenatal appointments?  I hope this made at least a little sense lol.  Guess I just needed to get my thoughts out, any input is appreciated!

[ElizabethE]

Originally Posted by happynaturalmama 

Sorry in advance if this gets kind of lengthy

After our last birth, my Husband and I have wanted to have an UC.  I'm now pregnant again and that's still what we want,  but I"m torn on what to do about prenatal care.

There is a part of me that wants SOME prenatal care, like right now I think I have some kind of topical vaginal infection, maybe yeast, maybe something else, and I'd like to have someone that might know what it is.  Also part of me is afraid that if we don't have a mw we'll get in "trouble" from CPS.  I know UC is legal, but part of me is afraid that that doesn't even matter.

There's a mw I wouldn't mind seeing some but would it be a bad idea to tell her that we're actually wanting an UC and just want a few prenatal appointments?  I hope this made at least a little sense lol.  Guess I just needed to get my thoughts out, any input is appreciated!

There was a topic on this that is no longer here. It may have been more helpful than I can be now, but I will try my best.

Most women here agree that confessing to your midwife or doctor about wanting a UC is a mistake. My personal philosophy is that being upfront is a good choice, and I know a lot of docs and midwives will say they appreciate that-- even if it means they choose to turn you away for it.

Most women here would advise an "oops", where you get your prenatal care and treatment and then just UC at home because, well, babies come too fast all the time, don't they? I'm not against this exactly. It gives you the best of both worlds and in a society where it's seemingly every man (or woman) for themselves, we all have to do what we have to do.

I am only against this in a personal sense just because, for me, it doesn't "feel right". I have no moral qualms about others doing it and if you don't, neither should you. Medical pros will argue that it's a waste of their time ultimately, but I believe that you have to do what's right for you to receive the best care for yourself and your baby, regardless of others feelings. You have to come first. Make no mistake that they are coming first, for themselves-- so you will have to be your own best advocate acting in your own best interests. Your welfare and that of your child is far more important than other peoples feelings or egos, IMHO.

I confessed my wish to UC with my midwives and we then had to part ways. I was lucky enough to find an OB afterward (and after a fair amount of researching) who told me to come in for care anyway. He was willing to take me where others would not. He actually said that it was my body and my choice to UC. Despite these assurances I have been skeptical, and being so close to my due date I chose to go the remainder of this healthy pregnancy without care. I will be going to his hospital, however, if I need some kind of emergency transfer or care, and knowing his attitude and that he is there gives me some added comfort. It also gives me hope for prenatal care in my future pregnancies. Going this route and purposefully looking for someone willing to support your choice could grant you great peace of mind, in the long run. And, it removes the doubts or the judgments of others should they suspect or accuse you of purposefully UCing. Avoiding any unnecessary stress for an expectant or new mother is always a plus. So you see, with everything being honest and open and laid out on the table there are certainly benefits, just as oopsing has its own set of benefits. Weigh your options! Choose carefully. Do what's right for you.

PS-- if you tell a midwife that you just want a few prenatal appointments, there are a lot of midwives out there who would not at all be interested in that. They may look at it as "cutting into their time", taking away from women who are "really interested" in receiving their help. But, if you're dealing with someone who looks at you as a waste of their time, I wouldn't want to work with them anyway -- would you? :)

Peace and luck to you.
 

[ElizabethE]

Let me add that if it is at all possible, if you should choose to seek care with UC being upfront, remaining anonymous is a good idea wherever possible. It doesn't commit you to anything or brand you, and it keeps your options open.

[Mamato3wild ponnie]

I told my midwife that i wanted a hands off prenatal period and i possibly wanted to UC. She was perfectly ok with it. She even mentioned being oncall via phone if I needed anything. I didnt start seeing her until the last 12 weeks of my pregnancy. So wonder if you can get a feel from a midwife on her thoughts on a UC? Mine happened to be very supportive of one. I did decide to have her their in the end. She showed up 30 min before baby was born....just the way i would of wanted it to be.

[happynaturalmama]

Thank you for the responses :)

Elizabeth, I agree with pretty much everything you have said,  I have actually thought about contacting the mw I was considering, anonymously.

Mamato3, that sounds great, I would love it if I could find someone to agree to that.  I know when I saw a mw with our last I felt very pressure by her "regulations" I do NOT want that again.  It really bothered me and added unwanted stress, as did her being at the birth I think :/  Part of the reason we want to have a UC in the first place. 

[xelakann]

Originally Posted by happynaturalmama 
 like right now I think I have some kind of topical vaginal infection, maybe yeast, maybe something else, and I'd like to have someone that might know what it is.  Also part of me is afraid that if we don't have a mw we'll get in "trouble" from CPS.  I know UC is legal, but part of me is afraid that that doesn't even matter.

There are a lot MW's that provide gyno care for women.. You could contact her about your current issue and maybe develop a relationship with her that would allow her to be a possible resource down the road.

[lightinmyhands]

There is a local midwife here who birthed at least one, i think maybe two of her babies completely unassisted and she seems pretty cool and understanding.  You may very well be surprised to find a supportive midwife in your area as well.  I have no desire for prenatal care at all but would like a female presence at my birth because we've recently moved more than a thousand miles and left all of my female companions behind.  So i've been considering hiring a midwife for that purpose and was surprised to find that this particular one would see me in spite of my desire to avoid any and all prenatal tests and exams....told her she could listen to the heartbeat every now and again.  There are some very understanding women out there, I agree with the remaining anonymous and contacting some area Midwives to see if you can get the kind of care you desire while remaining upfront about your plans.  If you can't find one, perhaps you could go a bit more dishonest of a route and have an "oops".....  but i think any midwife worth their salt is intuitive enough to feel your intentions wether or not you voice them and if they're not ok with it-- would that color the care you receive from them? perhaps. perhaps not.  food for thought.