How to labor at home without anxiety... - Page 2

[ElizabethE]

Originally Posted by Logan 

I can't speak for Elizabeth, but I interpreted that part of her reply to be in regards to how you said this mama was planning a hospital birth. I took it more as 'well, she was posting in the UC forum' So therefore replies will be from a UC perspective not a 'you have to go to the hospital and have birth assistants' perspective.

Additionally, not that I'm a total purist or anything, but to have or not to have a doula at a UC does sort of raise questions about contradiction in terms. I realize that UCing varies from person to person in who they want there, and that doulas are not intended to be medical personnel, but they are hired as attendants to the mother. This would be very different from a mother going solo, or just having her partner and/or children present, or even having a close friend or a mother there, etc.

Doulas are hired professionals. In this sense, and from a (or at least one typical) UC perspective, this would be seen as potential "intrusion". And please, don't be thrown or offended by the word "intrusion"... it's just the way it is, and I can't think of a nicer word for "intrusion". I basically just mean the presence of outsiders or hired hands during a birth (i.e. "strangers").

Any doula may or may not take this personally, but consider that it's because this is your vocation. We are not a threat to you in questioning whether we or other women need you during labor. You don't have to feel so challenged by these suggestions. Especially not if such notions are brought about in the UC forum, of all places.

[dayiscoming2006]

Letting go of the idea of a hospital birth this time, took away my anxiety. I wanted an UC but I was going to leave hospital birth open as an option when I had found a midwife group for prenatal care but things didn't work out with them. I just don't like feeling pushed or talked down to. I need to be in control, I hate the feeling of others being in control of me. I don't know those midwives personally and I have very serious trust issues with outsiders when it comes to pregnancy and birth related things as well as other things. So, for me, the most relaxing thing was dropping the midwives and letting myself relax and enjoy the rest of my pregnancy UP style and plan for an UC. I imagine my UC will be much more relaxing than my previous birth experiences and I'm actually excited about the birth as a result. I know there is a small chance something could go wrong and me and/or baby may need to go to the hospital, but it's a small chance and I just feel a whole lot better letting go and trusting God.

Anyway, I say that because maybe your anxiety is somewhat similar to mine? 

I personally wouldn't want a doula there, unless maybe your doula is a good friend to you as well. Like Elizabeth said, it'd feel like a stranger was at my birth. And I just wouldn't know if I could trust them and it would bother me. If your hubby will go with a UC if you have a doula, then I'd go for it as at least that would be a compromise. Oh, and if you are only comfortable if you have a doula, then go for that. Do whatever feels right. Try to find a way to be as comfortable with what's to come as you can possibly be. I didn't read everything everyone wrote as it was a really long thread but hope what I had to say was of some use to you. :) 

[babycatcher01]

Have you ever heard of the movie/book called The Secret? Google it. People can tell you what they think all day long, stand up for what you want you are the one having this baby. In your heart you know what you want, listen to that and you will find peace.

[ElizabethE]

Fear is an illusion. We or others can project images of fear of what may come in the future, but none of that is the reality. It's not useful. It's only purpose is to keep us in worry or in stress, and thus, in pain. We needn't imagine a painful future. It's almost equally useless to daydream a fantastic future and expect it to arrive. Dwelling in illusions and projections won't make them come true.

That doesn't mean I'm not for using the power of your mind... just make sure you're using your mind and it's not using you!  :)

What I think is best whether you believe in God or The Secret is to at the bare minimum believe in yourself. If you aren't confident in your knowledge and your ability, get some. It's attainable. Don't dwell, but picture what you want and what could happen, and then act on it. Plan for it. Plan accordingly. Grab hold of the situation, control what you can, and let the rest go. Decide what you can and will do in any given scenario. And once you've formed your plan, shove everything out of your mind. The dwelling, the fantasizing, the nightmares, the what ifs-- all illusions. Being prepared is all you need-- why torture yourself with the constant mental replays? Are they serving a purpose beyond your planning, or just causing you worry? Only the reality as it reveals itself in the present moment will be truth. All else is speculation. Have the confidence to shun what is unacceptable to you (for example, a hospital birth) or unbearable to you and make plans to do what you truly want -- make it work to your best advantage. Put it in motion. Then accept what comes, because once you've done all you could on your end, it's out of your hands. Peace... :)

[LadyJennifer]

Originally Posted by ElizabethE 

Additionally, not that I'm a total purist or anything, but to have or not to have a doula at a UC does sort of raise questions about contradiction in terms. I realize that UCing varies from person to person in who they want there, and that doulas are not intended to be medical personnel, but they are hired as attendants to the mother. This would be very different from a mother going solo, or just having her partner and/or children present, or even having a close friend or a mother there, etc.

Doulas are hired professionals. In this sense, and from a (or at least one typical) UC perspective, this would be seen as potential "intrusion". And please, don't be thrown or offended by the word "intrusion"... it's just the way it is, and I can't think of a nicer word for "intrusion". I basically just mean the presence of outsiders or hired hands during a birth (i.e. "strangers").

Any doula may or may not take this personally, but consider that it's because this is your vocation. We are not a threat to you in questioning whether we or other women need you during labor. You don't have to feel so challenged by these suggestions. Especially not if such notions are brought about in the UC forum, of all places.

I'm a doula and I don't feel offended or threatened at all. I know for me personally, I feel most comfortable with a very intimate setting of just my family (hubby, kids), some women feel the need for a doula at their UC, some do not. It's the most important, IMO, that the mom feels comfortable and safe.

[ElizabethE]

Absolutely, Jennifer! Amen to that.  :)