Advice and thoughts please

[Earthmamajen]

Hi,

I'm Jenny. I've been divorced for about 6 years and have a good working relationship with my ex. We have three boys aged 12, 10, and 7. Last fall I met a wonderful man in a town about 4 hours away. We got to know each other and fell in love, he spent some time with me and the boys and now the boys and I are moving next week to his lovely farm. As we are older and he's never had a child we decided to try right away and so now I'm also 6.5 weeks preggo. We've got great communication and we decided to do some couples counseling through the transition, we start on march 15. The boys are excited...well sad to leave friends but excited, DP likes hunting and fishing and they've bonded over that...and we are going from in town to a farm with lots of animals, yay! I've already gotten involved with the local church youth stuff, the local homeschool group, talked to 4-h....trying to hit the ground running as far as making friends and finding activities. I don't have any real issues with their dad. He was already long distance and will continue his once a month visits...he's fairly supportive.
I guess I'm just looking for support and maybe ideas for helping DP transition from a bachelor to a family man. We have done one 4 day and one 7 day trial-run visits. We are all excited and maybe a bit overwhelmed....esp with morning sickness and being a bit hormonal.... Thanks in advance.

[La Sombra]

Aw mama, I don't have a whole lot of advice (I just started a thread asking for some myself!) but I didn't want you to feel like no one was reading. I think the only thing I can say--and I say it to help you be prepared, not to be pessimistic--is that there're going to be challenges!

My situation is a lot like yours. Dp and I fell in love fast and got pregnant quickly. He is a bit older and had never been married or had kids. So living with a toddler (my dd) and now our son has been a whole new experience for him!

But what's been particularly challenging is all of us trying to find our balance. Dd loves him sometimes and seems to resent him/test him at other times. Don't be surprised if that happens with your boys--at least one of them! Dp doesn't discipline her because in the beginning it didn't seem appropriate but now it's beginning to complicate things because I hate feeling like I'm always intermediating their relationship.

We do all love each other and want this to work and are trying different things. If your dp is committed to making this work, is committed to weathering the bumps along the way and trying his hardest to have a healthy, positive relationship with your boys, then that is a great start.

Beyond that, I would say it's probably good if he does stuff with them (like hunts with them) so that they are establishing a relationship together that isn't totally dependent on you. I also notice that dd is better with dp when we make efforts to do stuff together as a family--going on hikes or going swimming or cooking and eating together.

I wish you the best of luck with the move, the relationship and with the BABY! Just don't be surprised if things get sticky, and just try to work through them as they come!

[Earthmamajen]

Thanks a bunch...I figure it'll be a challenge. Best of luck to you too!