please help... I need resources for a RAD *adult* (mom)

[BarbieSmith]

I am looking for a discussion forum (or other resources) for an adult woman with RAD.  Her children do not have it, but she has mild RAD and would like resources on how to help herself be a better mother.  Grateful for any advice/resources you could pass on, especially with regards to a discussion forum for adults with RAD!

Thanks so much!

Barbie

[lauren]

What are you seeing that makes you think the adult has RAD?

[BarbieSmith]

The mother has been diagnosed (as an adult) of likely having mild RAD as a child.

[Polliwog]

Do you know who diagnosed her (what type of professional, not the name?) Because there really isn't mild RAD. There is a big spectrum of attachment-related problems with the most extreme being Reactive Attachment Disorder.

[BarbieSmith]

Oh, I wish I could give you more information, but I cannot!

You sound very knowledgeable.  Do you have any idea for resources for her?  I would be most grateful.

Thanks, Barbie

[Tigerchild]

I would encourage your friend if at all possible to get a *second opinion*.  "Mild RAD"?  That raises red flags for me.  please be sure that the person diagnosing her is qualified to do so.  Sorry to be blunt, but someone who would diagnose an adult with "mild RAD in childhood" with no access to any childhood records and who never saw her during that time, who hasn't worked with the family or origin, and furthermore was not able to direct her towards any resources sounds very, VERY suspicious to me.  Be wary.

[lauren]

She might find more info looking into resources for adults who experienced trauma as children. Trauma causes disruptions in attachment relationships which can then impair the ability to have relationships as an adult.

[BarbieSmith]

There may have been a LOT lost in translation - I do not know the proper words to use!  Please excuse that part, I am not familiar with the language used for RAD.  Here is the little I know:  there is likely some undiagnosed RAD when she was a child.  She is now an adult, suffered from Borderline-like symptoms in her 20's, and is now older and wishing to seek resources on how to NOT pass any of this along to *her* children.  All she wants is to be a better mom, and discussing with like-minded individuals seems to be the best start.

I will pass along on the information, but please do not pass up giving information just because I do not use the correct RAD wordage...  I cannot help that!

[pumpkingirl71]

It would be very hard to "pass" RAD on.  I can only really see that happening if a mom was so attachment disordered that she could not attach to her own children.  Lauren's advice is great, RAD and other attachment disorders are trauma disorders.  My daughter's therapist specialized in treating both.

Hope we didn't frighten you away with our breaking down language : )  Adoptive parents are VERY sensitive to language use.  But to be honest, my daughter's therapist and pediatrician will tell me there is no such thing as mild RAD and then tell teachers or other professionals my daughter has mild RAD to get her services.  So the term does get used, it just isn't the best term

[lauren]

If she has borderline features she would also be wise to research Dialectical Behavior Therapy.

http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/

This approach teaches specific skills such as affect management, coping skills, distress tolerance, and relationship repair. She can avoid affecting the next generation by managing her own affect and trauma symptoms in the here and now.

[Sara Tracy]

Hi, Rad is formed from loss of the maternal figure in the first stages of life ,or from having  multi caregivers,or just lack of maternal consistency. leading them to feelings of abandonment low self worth and lack of trust in them self and in others or when trust is formed with another the fear of abandonment makes them cling for fear of the original abandonment. 

[Sara Tracy]

And treatment of adult Rad is different to borderline personality disorder ,if it is adoption than a trained adoption therapist needs to be sought rather than more general therapy