OK, I admit it, I feel inadequate - Page 2

[Dr.Worm]

Originally Posted by seashells 

Thanks mamas :)

I clearly go through bursts of anxiety on some recurring topics from time to time. I guess it's how I'm built :) But the good thing about it is that it does help me to think about what I want to do. I don't achieve everything (or even close to it) that I want to do, but I kind of like not living the unexamined life.

And this mama, like I said, gave me ideas ... that I acted on. I guess I can pat myself on the back that I saw something that I wasn't doing but felt I could do... and I did it! So we've been enriched in some small but happy ways on several fronts (learning, activities, even food - exposing DD to this family has opened my really picky eater to a couple of new foods that she likes).

It also occurred to me, since posting this thread, that I can think of another mama in town who seems to think WE'RE perfect. All I can say is: hahahaha, good one. lol. She loves my DD, and my DD is a total sucker for women giving her attention. So DD acts as charming as a child can act around this mama. So this mama sees the best side of my child (and it's because of HER actions, paying attention to DD, nothing that we did!). This mama sees DH and I are really calm and laid back, but what else would we be when DD is acting angelic? She should see us lose our patience when DD is being a snot sometimes. lol

See....another mama is sitting there wondering how she can be perfect like you.  Here's what I think....mommies feel guilty.  It's what we do.  If we have a great day and the kids are happy and we are all laughing and cuddling we tend to think "yeah but I screwed up__ when they were four" or "Yeah but when they are 18 they will hate me for _" It's really hard for us to not live in the moment and cherish the time we have together.  I don't claim to know it all but here's what I think....I base all my decisions on love....as I know all of us here do.  That is so simple but sooo important.  Your kids aren't going to look back and go "my mom told me she loved me and gave me all this wonderful attention and cuddles but she didn't make toilet paper roll animals with me so I feel unloved."  That is why I believe so strongly in AP. Kids don't need edicational videos; tons of activities; etc etc.  Not that there's anything wrong with those things but what makes a child happy is knowing they are loved, "that your eyes light up when they walk in the room."  This mom might secretly feel like a failure and that's why she does all these things....you just don't know.
 

[lab]

Originally Posted by velochic 

You're not inadequate.  You just know both sides of your own story, the good and the bad.  Give yourself credit for the right things and forgive yourself for the rest... and stop comparing yourself to others.  You are the parent that was meant for your child.  Pat yourself on the back!

This is just beautiful.   Worth repeating!!!
 

[seashells]

Originally Posted by Dr.Worm 

See....another mama is sitting there wondering how she can be perfect like you.  Here's what I think....mommies feel guilty.  It's what we do.  If we have a great day and the kids are happy and we are all laughing and cuddling we tend to think "yeah but I screwed up__ when they were four" or "Yeah but when they are 18 they will hate me for _" It's really hard for us to not live in the moment and cherish the time we have together.  I don't claim to know it all but here's what I think....I base all my decisions on love....as I know all of us here do.  That is so simple but sooo important.  Your kids aren't going to look back and go "my mom told me she loved me and gave me all this wonderful attention and cuddles but she didn't make toilet paper roll animals with me so I feel unloved."  That is why I believe so strongly in AP. Kids don't need edicational videos; tons of activities; etc etc.  Not that there's anything wrong with those things but what makes a child happy is knowing they are loved, "that your eyes light up when they walk in the room."  This mom might secretly feel like a failure and that's why she does all these things....you just don't know.
 

I loved this, the bolded especially. Yes, my heart leaps with joy when I see DD, it really does :) Of course Supermom clearly feels the same too, but I have no need to tear her down.

Wanna hear something really cheesy? Where's the bag over my head smiley? OK, I really like this quote from Rocky XXVIII or whatever (seriously, the last one I think, when he's a million years old) - when he tells his son it was a "privilege" to watch him grow up, every day. Yeah, I feel that way about DD. All the cheesy stuff. "You're the inspiration" lol.

[~Boudicca~]

Originally Posted by limabean 

A saying I find really helpful when I start to feel that way is, "Don't judge your insides by other people's outsides." 

ETA: Also, I don't really have time to feel inadequate -- I'm too busy teaching my children how to weave our organic unicorn hair into rainbows. 

Originally Posted by Dr.Worm 

 You're only teaching..slacker!!! My children came out of the womb with their organic hair already braided into rainbows

These two replies really reminded me of this thread:

http://www.mothering.com/community/forum/thread/289877/the-i-m-crunchier-than-thou-thread

[Lisa1970]

I believe your children get more from hugs and kisses and genuine love and concern than just learning another random language. Sure, they language can be great, but it is just one thing in the millions of things that will make up our children's lives. 

The questions about what method of home schooling really make it sound as if she is new to it all and trying to hear more about things. It also sounds like she has way more energy than I have ever had. 

There will always be someone out there who does something more or better than we do. More does not really mean better of course. But I think you are doing fine. Stop comparing yourself. Your children love the mom they have! Maybe her children feel pressured by her to succeed and won't find their true talent because they are too busy pursuing her interests that she expects them to have. We don't really know. Of course, maybe her children will grow up to be perfect. Doesn't really matter.

HTH (((hugs)))

[GreenGranolaMama]

Originally Posted by ~Boudicca~ 

These two replies really reminded me of this thread:

http://www.mothering.com/community/forum/thread/289877/the-i-m-crunchier-than-thou-thread

Oh my, this is completely hilarious! 

[Snapdragon]

Originally Posted by ~Boudicca~ 

These two replies really reminded me of this thread:

http://www.mothering.com/community/forum/thread/289877/the-i-m-crunchier-than-thou-thread

 omg that thread you linked to is so funny! I love it! thanks

[bcblondie]

Oh I love this thread. Specifically the posts about how you only see what the other mom DOES do. Someone might think I'M a great mom, (a friend did, just a couple weeks ago) but they don't see me when I forget to brush my son's teeth... erm... several days in a row.... or lose my temper. etc....

[SuburbanHippie]

Originally Posted by ~Boudicca~ 

These two replies really reminded me of this thread:

http://www.mothering.com/community/forum/thread/289877/the-i-m-crunchier-than-thou-thread

I'm CRYING I'm laughing so hard!  Thank you for reposting this thread!

[hopefulfaith]

That is one of my all-time favorite threads, next to the Christmas gift one where the DIL got the "Jesus still loves you" plaque.  Thanks for linking to it!  I needed some hilarity tonight. 

Originally Posted by ~Boudicca~ 

These two replies really reminded me of this thread:

http://www.mothering.com/community/forum/thread/289877/the-i-m-crunchier-than-thou-thread

Seriously, though - I think we all have a SuperMom in our lives.  It's all about what people let other people see. 

For example, I'm sure everyone saw me use the Scary Mom voice in the dairy aisle of the grocery store last week...but nobody saw me read 17 books in one sitting later that day with a child on either side of me -- and I did the good voices, too.  Conversely, I'm sure I was seen being Happy AP Mom last week at one point but nobody saw me trying desperately not to strangle my children last Thursday when I completely lost it and sent everyone to their rooms in the middle of the afternoon for a punitive time out....simply because I didn't want to physically pick up one of my kids and yell in their faces that they were driving me batsh!t crazy.  ((I didn't.  But I wanted to.))