Being denied resource time?

[Heavenly]

My son Elijah has multiple challenges.  He has bipolar disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, separation anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, ADHD:I, severe processing disorder, severe executive functioning disorder, severe memory deficit and a disorder of written expression.  He currently attend a private Christian school that has wonderful special needs services.  The school itself is not the problem, his classroom teacher is.  Elijah is supposed to be allowed to go at 3 pre-arranged times per day (as soon as he gets to school, after morning recess, and after afternoon recess) to the resource room to use a squish machine they have there (like the one Temple Grandin invented).  It really helps him.  He also goes other times of the day for other help, we are still working out the details on that as the last half of the list was just diagnosed in January.  He has been coming home from school increasingly agitated and I was not sure why.  He didn't want to talk about it.  Today he broke down and told me that his classroom teacher has been using removing his resource time as a punishment.  I know he is telling the truth because we already had this issue in November which is why the resource teacher set up the 3 times a day schedule.  He said that she says going to the resource room is a "privilege" and that he doesn't get to go there if he doesn't work up to par.  Today she took his resource time away for not getting his boots and jacket on fast enough at recess.  That is so completely unacceptable IMO and completely counterproductive because the resource time helps him regroup and refocus.  He cried for 3 hours this afternoon because he feels so stressed at school and is afraid to tell his teacher that he needs to go.  He says that his resource teacher doesn't know what is going on because he is afraid to tell her because he thinks the classroom teacher will get mad. 

I am trying to decide how to best approach this situation.  Obviously it needs to be dealt with as soon as possible.  I am considering keep him home tomorrow, he is that stressed and agitated. Any input or opinions are appreciated.

[stik]

That is completely unacceptable. 

I think your first priority here has to be getting your ds his resource time.  So I'd approach it from there first.  Do you think the resource teacher could arrange a little "reminder" call to the classroom for your ds?  Do you think the teacher would respond compassionately to a call about your ds's stress?  I would contact administration too. 

Only you can gauge your ds's stress and whether staying home tomorrow would be best in the short and long term.  I think it would be good to get a guarantee of services for his stress in place before he goes to school.  I also think that should be pretty quick to set up with a call or two in the morning. 

[QueenOfTheMeadow]

That is really serious and it makes it very clear that the classroom teacher is not in touch with what your son needs. I think you need to contact the admin, the resource teacher, and the regular teacher at the same time. I would keep your son home until you can be guarenteed that he'll be given the time he needs in the rescource room.

[ssh]

Is there anyway you could get your DS put in another teacher's class? It would be really hard for me to trust a person who ignores a childs prescribed use of a needed resource.  With your DS's emotional disabilities such a casual use of punishment is particularly cruel and will have a cumulative effect on his ability to function. With at least a couple of his disabilities she actually punished him for his disabilities, which is illegal and abusive. With your DS's social anxiety he's probably hiding his stress until he gets home because he's afraid to express it. I would have a meeting with the principal and then the resource teacher in the morning. I also wouldn't want him in his regular classroom at all until there's been a meeting with you, his regular teacher, the principal and the resource teacher. Your DS can't learn unless he feels school is a safe place.

[Heavenly]

I emailed the teacher and all she responded was, "I acknowledge your email."  What in the heck is that supposed to mean?  Anyways I was not satisfied with that answer so I decided to keep him home.  I talked to the principal briefly and we are going to be meeting at 3:30 today with the teacher and the principal.  My stomach is in knots because I hate confrontation.  I am worried that she is going to be angry that I involved the principal but I don't know what else to do.  All I want is an assurance that he will be allowed to go to the resource room at his pre-arranged times and other times as needed.  I don't think that is too much to ask.

[Emmeline II]

Originally Posted by Heavenly 

I emailed the teacher and all she responded was, "I acknowledge your email."  What in the heck is that supposed to mean?  Anyways I was not satisfied with that answer so I decided to keep him home.  I talked to the principal briefly and we are going to be meeting at 3:30 today with the teacher and the principal.  My stomach is in knots because I hate confrontation.  I am worried that she is going to be angry that I involved the principal but I don't know what else to do.  All I want is an assurance that he will be allowed to go to the resource room at his pre-arranged times and other times as needed.  I don't think that is too much to ask.

I'd arrange with the resource teacher a system of notification that he was there at his scheduled times and any other times--such as a daily e-mail. If his teacher still seems hostile to accommodating your ds after the meeting I'd ask for a teacher change. I'd really expect attitude change of "I'm so sorry, I had no idea how this was affecting him!"

[AnalogWife]

By what she's doing and by that email response, my impression is that this teacher is Hell on Wheels and won't change.  I'd be pulling for a classroom/teacher switch, know that you and your DS are in the right and have nothing to fear. :hug

[marge234]

I hope the meeting went well today.  I am so sorry you and your son have to go through this.  You said you have trouble with confrontation, if this isn't settled, or if you have problems in the future, I wonder if you have an assertive friend or relative who would go with you to a meeting.  Again, I hope this is OK for your little guy.  Life is hard enough without having a totally ignorant teacher!

[StephandOwen]

I'm sorry that is happening to your ds.

Is there any way YOU can show up at the school randomly during the times your ds should be in the resource room and see if he's there? I'm a bit of a b*tch when it comes to this and I am OFTEN at my son's school (lately I'm there at least once a day checking up). I'm there enough that most kids know me when they see me in the hall and they'll stop and chat with me for a bit or give me a high-five. I've hung out in the resource room with ds and the special ed teacher (and sometimes his therapists). I'm popping into his regular classroom randomly. Sometimes I show up at lunchtime to eat with ds. They ALL know that I will show up at random times and nobody ever knows when. This has really cut down on any of the "funky business" that happens (ya know- when they tell you something will happen and then they don't do it because they know you have no way of knowing whether it happened or not). I'm also a substitute para so I will sometimes take a job at ds's school. When that happens I will randomly peek in on him. Next month I have to do a bunch of observation hours for my college classes, so I'll be observing at ds's school twice a week all next month (not in ds's class though).

Anyway, at this point I wouldn't trust that things will change just because there's been a meeting. I would randomly show up and see for yourself that things have changed.

Good luck!

[Heavenly]

The meeting went okay.  She didn't really take any responsibility for anything that happened, just said that Elijah gets distracted and takes too much time in the resource room when he is supposed to be going back to class or wanders in the halls because he gets distracted by something.  Really???  A child with all his disorders gets distracted?  How shocking!  Obviously that is loaded with sarcasm.  What I said to the teacher and principal is that he needs help staying on track and punishing him for something he can't control is completely unfair.  What we left it with so far is that they will put an egg timer in the resource room for when he goes in the squish machine so he knows how long he has.  We are meeting again next week with the educational psychologist to go over all the results of the latest testing and she has tons of recommendations for the school so hopefully that will help. 

One other thing, I did tell the teacher that Elijah is afraid of her because he is afraid of getting in trouble.  This morning when I dropped him off I walked him to his classroom and reiterated what we had discussed and she was friendlier than normal and said good morning to him so that's a start.