I'm having a bad day. Could use some virtual hugs

[littleteapot]

My hyperemesis is making me miserable. I hate it so much. Since week six I've thrown up (without exaggeration) somewhere around 300 times. And that's WITH Diclectin, Zofran and Gravol on a daily basis. I'm being monitored by my midwife and have *just* managed to stay out of the hospital, but I'm miserable. Please, please do not suggest ginger or similar "morning sickness remedies". Hyperemesis does not equal morning sickness, not by any stretch of the imagination, and when it's this bad it just makes me want to sit and cry when I hear people make suggestions like that and show how little they understand about how serious it can be. I'm not looking for helpful suggestions this thread (there is NOTHING you can suggest that hasn't been done and buried, trust me), just a sympathetic ear.

Some days are worse than others, and today is one of those days.

I had a 'hit and run' (one quick puke, and then it's over) just after we had a nice lunch out this afternoon (so much for paying for a nice lunch, huh? It didn't even last 5 minutes) and then later this evening my GERD started up. I had the worst GERD pain I've experienced in months, even two Rx strength antacids didn't touch it. It got so bad so quickly I was crying. The pain got worse from there, and the spasming triggered my hyperemesis so I started throwing up again, which I did non-stop for hours. It stung like hell because I'd practically burned a hole in my throat prior to that attack. This whole day has been a blur of burst capillaries in my face, sweating, crying, narrowly avoiding pissing my pants, violently throwing up and absolute agony from the GERD. When I finally got a short break I came in the bedroom and just sobbed to DH about how much I hate this.

I managed to eat ONE thing (a few bites of delicious soup that DH made) and it stayed down 15 minutes and then I broke out in hives and threw it all up again. So the only thing in the soup I haven't had recently is lima beans... so now I'm allergic to lima beans?! Now I'm puking, covered in hives, and burning a hole in my esophogus with GERD. TONIGHT IS %@#%* AWESOME. I'm just so miserable right now I just want to sit and cry and eat chocolate, or something, even though I know it'll just come back out through my nose in a few minutes I don't even freaking care.

[nikie23]

  Oh, mama, I'm so sorry. I'm blown away by the strength you've shown to have made it this far! I think if I were in your situation I'd have taken up residence in the hospital, especially with the GERD on top of the hyperemesis. But I am a wimp, and you clearly are not. :) I really hope this passes and you start feeling better!

[jshannyn519]

I am so sorry! That seriously sucks! I had a rather mild form of hyperemesis with my daughter (2nd baby) and it was awful. I can't even imagine how terrible it must feel to have to deal with it on the level that you are. One of my good friends deals with HEG with every pregnancy as well and I just wish I could make it go away!

One of these days we'll figure out what's triggering that and hopefully be able to offer a better solution than the meds we have now.

Hugs mama!

[amaayeh]

I am so sorry!  That sounds beyond miserable!!!  HUGE

[astar326]

[tracymom1]

Big hugs, mama!!!

I wish I had some advice. I know about the GERD - I have this terribly as well. Most days I eat breakfast, maybe lunch, but never dinner because if I do I will just be choking back the burning puke in my throat for hours on end.

I really hope you feel better soon

[littleteapot]

Thank you mamas. I'm feeling better today (no puking so far) so I'm hoping that means the attack is over. I slept all night sitting up with a bowl in my lap because I was so afraid of throwing up on myself in my sleep!

My brother and his new family is supposed to come over tonight for a coffee and dessert night and I really want to be able to enjoy it with them, so I'm crossing my fingers for a clear evening.

[mad4mady]

I am so sorry you are suffering with HG!! The pain that is associated with HG is unlike anything I have ever experienced in my life and it seems like no one really understands. I just wanted to let you know I understand what you are going through and I am so sorry!! I am sorry you are still so sick, have you gone on helpHER.org its a website for HG and I found a lot of info on there. I was wondering if you have tried IV infusions for fluid and vitamins. I had severe HG from week 5 until last month and I still cannot eat normal. I stopped eating because everything made me sick and the GERD was so bad.  Its not the most fun to get the IVs daily but they helped me a lot and at least you know you are getting the vitamins baby and you need. I don't suggest not eating  if you can tolerate the food however, I noticed that the cycle of throwing up, bleeding, pain and dehydration I would get in to when I did eat would make things so much worse. I kind of stopped eating everything except  like 3 crackers and 1 halve of canned pears a day!! I did this along with the IVs and slowly I began to at least stablize my weight. If you can find one or two of the blandest foods from the GERD list and try those it might help with the the burn in your throat and stomach when you do throw up.

I also noticed if I stayed in my bed with all lights off and did not move I threw up less. I did this for the first 2 months. no TV, computer, reading or anything. Also, I kept all smells, food talk away. Just complete motionless environment. I did listen to soft meditative music a lot.

I really hope you start feeling better soon and I will keep you in my thoughts!

Megan

[mad4mady]

I just wanted to add I remember my friend telling me to smell lemons to help and I started crying I was so upset. I told her if ginger and lemons worked I wouldn't be getting IVs. I know she was just trying to help but, it really made me upset.

Hang in there!!

[coharmony]

How awful for you! I've been whining my face off because I still feel sick but nothing near what you have going on!  My mom had hyperemesis when pregnant with me but she always swears she loved being pregnant. I think she just doesn't remember how miserable she was!

[littleteapot]

Originally Posted by mad4mady 

I just wanted to add I remember my friend telling me to smell lemons to help and I started crying I was so upset. I told her if ginger and lemons worked I wouldn't be getting IVs. I know she was just trying to help but, it really made me upset.

Yes, exactly! I get this attitude a lot in another aspect of my life: disability and chronic pain. I'm often told that if I just did more yoga, or ate gluten free, or whatever, I'd miraculously be cured of my spinal fusions. I get what they're trying to say, but it shows such a deep, deep misunderstanding of what pain and disability is all about... and really, if it was THAT easy, don't you think I would be doing that? If I could cure my disease by getting on a treadmill and eating some celery, I would have done that ages ago.

Like you said, I realize they're trying to help... but it's really very frustrating and painful when you're feeling like you want to curl up and die, and swirling with all these horrible emotions about loving your pregnancy and yet simultaneously HATING your pregnancy and feeling like you can't bond with your baby, et all... and having someone say something like, "Ginger worked for me! Have you tried ginger? Yes, but have you tried THIS brand of ginger?" like that will actually make a difference. :(  It's just... disheartening.

Thank you for the sympathy, I really needed it last night. I also appreciate those who have suffered with the same problem chiming in. HG sucks so bad. I've never had it like this in any of my prior pregnancies. I thought my last one was really bad, but it was nowhere near like this! I even survived without medication in that pregnancy, and in this one I don't have that luxury.

I haven't yet been admitted, I've barely managed to stay on top of it, but there have been quite a few times where I probably (*should* have gone in. It's complicated because for my disability I take a medication that has a lot of stigma, and I know (both my pain doctor and my midwife have also confirmed this... it isn't just paranoia) that being admitted means being treated like a drug addict, being given drug tests without consent, and generally having to prove that I'm not addicted to heroin in order to be given fair and balanced treatment for my malnutrition/dehyrdation.  They'll try to run a bunch of tests on my baby, run ultrasounds, hook me up to a fetal monitor. That's just... so stressful. I don't want to have to fight for fair treatment from the moment I walk in, so that's a big sway AGAINST going, even when I should.

[cuddlemama0507]

Just wanted to offer some more love and hugs!  I hope you feel better. 

[Momsteader]

Hugs!  I had HG with my first pregnancy. I threw up multiple times a day every single day, lost weight, missed work, and was even puking when I delivered him. I didn't get the GERD, but what an additional thing to deal with! ughh! HG is the worst misery, and I know hugs aren't enough...but here they are!  I ended up IV's mulitple times and I really did feel better after them for a few days. I think the chronic dehydration of HG is what really keeps you knocked down. FWIW, I had easy other pregnancies and never even threw up this one, so it's definitely possible to have it during one and not another!

I have a local gf with severe HG (so bad, after multiple hospitalizations and heart complications from the dehydration/malnutrition they suggested termination because they said she wouldn't likely survive the pregnancy) and she got a PICC line for home IV therapy and that was just what she needed. It didn't 'cure' her. She still threw up all the time, but the IV was able to give TPN (nutrition) and fluids and keep her feeling at least comfortable and take the pregnancy to term. And, since it's home therapy, you stay out of the hospital and usually have the same nurses who get to know you.  Is this a possibility?

[littleteapot]

Thank you crunchyclark. :) I don't think it's at the point that TPN is needed, as I've managed to stay out of the hospital thus far (I probably should have gone more than once, but stayed home due to fear over how I'll be treated). I upped my diclectin and zofran dose and today has been much more stable, so I'm hoping that maybe it was just a particularly horrible downturn last night. :( Mine seems to come in 'attacks' or waves at least, I'll be okay for a few hours or even a few days (and by 'ok' I mean I have moderate to high nausea, but I'm able to keep some food or drink down) and then suddenly I'll get hit with it out of the blue and have nonstop puking of everything (even water) for hours upon hours. I'll throw up 20+ times, to the point of blood or bile coming out because I have no food left, before it finally gets under control.

[SGVaughn]

:(  really sorry to hear that...I cant imagine how frustrating it must be to deal with unsolicited advice...suddenly my spd and si joint crap pale in comparison

I used to take care of an elderly patient that had really bad GERD and she swore by gaviscon on top of all her meds....she thought the foaming was soothing..I think with the HG though itd probably just set you off to puking again

 I wish anyone had suggestions for you ( and anyone else with it) that could actually help :(

[LLtheTinkerbell]

I had no idea it could be like that. All the hugs in the world for you.

[Momsteader]

Well keep home IV therapy in mind as it's at your place and not the hospital, so it should be a much better experience.

I remember sitting in bathroom and drinking glass after glass of warm tap water, because I was going to puke anyway, and at least having something come up was better than the heaving and bile burning my throat.

How did coffee and dessert go tonight?

[littleteapot]

Crunchy Clark: With a nap, 3 diclectin, a zofran and 1 gravol I was able to actually eat some of the dessert my sister in law made and a bit of coffee before getting too sick to continue. But the part that counts is that I was actually able to sit at the table throughout and hold a conversation, and that's what's important to me. I hate missing out due to toilet worshipping. :(

[Momsteader]

Yay Babs!  That is a win in my book!!! :)

[painefaria]

Are you sure that it is GERD? I know this sounds silly but I thought that I had it and it turns out that it was more of a Gallbladder/low acid issue. Do the antacids ever help? It never helped the pain that I was having. It was across my stomach and some nights it would settle on the upper right. I mean pain like I couldn't sleep pain. It took me a month of taking the antacids and seeing no relief to look for something else. I started with a gallbladder cleanse (shredded raw beets, lemon juice, and flax seed oil). I ate this every hour for one day. Then I would eat it after every meal, I reduced the greasy foods and no milk/eggs. After 10 days the need for medications stopped. I have only vomited twice since January and I could't keep water down without medications. My next step was seeing a chiropractor and he started me on some acid supplements as well as enzymes and I feel like a normal person again. PM me if you want information Sarah