or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Baby › Co-sleeping and the Family Bed › Sex in the family bed.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Sex in the family bed.

post #1 of 129
Thread Starter 

nak

Alright. I guess  I'm looking for your stories about making this work.

Here's the deal: first baby, 7mos, cosleeps.

I love it. I thought dh did too. He does understand and appreciate it, but it came out last night that he is really uncomfortable having sex with the baby in the bed with us.

 

Ok, ds sleeps really well at night. We've never been interrupted. We have had sex a handful of times in the living room too.

 

I am apparantly a very rare new mama who still has a really active libido ( I blame it on all that oxytocin!). i asked dh to take over actively maintaining our sex life a fewmonths ago because while I still want to have sex, i am often too preoccupied with the baby to really think about it. He agreed but then nothing really changed. It has made me grumpy and caused a bit of tension between us.

so since having baby in bed is causing problems, we need a change.

Complication: I am not interested in moving baby to his own room. That doesn't work for me. I would prefer him on a matress "sidecarred" to our bed. DH doesn't think this is much different than just having him in our bed. I think it is, a bit. We'd have a ton more room and wouldn't have to worry about any....bouncing.

 

So: What do you think? For those of you with a twin "sidecarred", did it help with your sex life? If you used a crib matress on the floor (our bed is a queen and box spring on the floor) did that work for you? I am worried about moving ds at night (ie, from his bed to ours for nursing and back) or getting WAY worse sleep because I am trying to sleep with him on a crib matress! I feel like with a twin, I could shuffle over and sleep with ds if I need to with relative ease.

 

Or, was this just never an issue with you. Did you give up sex in bed? Were you never comfortable dtd in front of your babies?

I feel like I will be comfortable dtd near a sleeping baby for some time yet but I know it won't be forever... I do plan on having another good talk with dh tonight about what we both expect and how things do have to change with the little one. I want him to be comfortable, but I also need to be.

post #2 of 129

Pack n play!

post #3 of 129

Yeah pack n play for the baby or find a different spot for the loving.

post #4 of 129
We did it a few times in bed with DS sleeping but it did feel weird to both of us. SO, we've pretty much moved to the floor. We have a crib side carred but DS wakes up as soon as I set him on that so it's mainly there to keep him rolling out of our bed.
post #5 of 129

we do it everywhere but the bed. We got a blow up bed and pump it up sometimes.

post #6 of 129

When he was small, I'd put him down in his bouncy seat and then we'd have the bed to ourselves a while.  Now that he's bigger, he sleeps in the bed and we make use of the giant bean bag chair in the living room.  Sometimes the couch too, but the bean bag chair is a lot roomier.  Any chance you have a room that could be improved by a LoveSac?

post #7 of 129

Another one that goes anywhere but the bed. Once in a great while we will steal one of the older kid's mattresses since they never sleep in their own bed other then that it is any other place that strikes us. 

post #8 of 129

Also DH does not mind at all having it go down wherever and whenever thumb.gif

post #9 of 129

We are on the sofa or the floor. Thank goodness I'm not the only one.

post #10 of 129
Dh doesn't care where things happen but I do. One look at sleeping ds and I am back in mama mode.
post #11 of 129
Thread Starter 

Thanks for the replies ladies!

 

it's funny, even though I am less uncomfortable dtd in front of the baby, every time I initiate sex it's somewhere besides the bed.... I think for DH it's just a comfort thing, after a long day's work he wants to relax while dtd. I'm definitely going to suggest using the bed more for sleep and making better use of our wonderful couch. I think we are going to try the crib mattress on the floor too though....Finn crawled right off the bed this morning! yikes! He's fine but it scared me.

I guess I'm scared of messing with his sleep patterns too. I really don't do well on minimal sleep and right now we're good. I guess we'll see what happens with the floor bed and if it works, great, problem solved. If not, we're (dh and I) just going to have to get more adventerous

post #12 of 129

We use the guest bed.  DD2 is already 18 months, so I guess past the baby stage, but I've never been comfortable dtd in bed with one of the babies.  Once when staying in only one room, with DD1 on a mattress on the floor, we did start DD2 on a blanket on the floor so we could use the bed, but generally I'm not comfortable dtd even in the same room as sleeping babies/children.  I'm just in mommy mood and have trouble relaxing and switching over.  I love having the guest room.  We can curl up and sleep afterwards and go to DD2 in our bed whenever she wakes up. 

post #13 of 129
Quote:
Originally Posted by goinggreengirl View Post

We did it a few times in bed with DS sleeping but it did feel weird to both of us. SO, we've pretty much moved to the floor. We have a crib side carred but DS wakes up as soon as I set him on that so it's mainly there to keep him rolling out of our bed.


This, we did it a couple times when DD was very young but it was weird and we were paranoid about being to loud. 

We live in a loft so there is no chance of another room either.

We have a twin bed that is dragged out of the closet when we really want a bed (sometimes beds are just the best) not to be overly graphic but we have made it a joke, one of us will say "time to get the sex bed" so yeah we have a sex bed...sigh. I do miss our own bed but it isn't permanent. The couch, the floor etc work too. Then again we aren't having much sex so it isn't a major issue. Kudos to you mama for being interested in DTD!!

 

goinggreengirl do we have the same kid? The crib is sidecarred but only there to make sure DD doesn't roll out of the bed.

post #14 of 129

I have back problems. Sex anywhere but the bed is out of the question for me.  We put the pack and play in the hall and put the baby down to sleep.  Then we just move him back into our room when we settle down for the night.

post #15 of 129

I can't really get out of mama mode if my babies are even in the same room, so we use the guest room bed or living room sofa with baby monitors on. I can't even imagine being able to relax enough to have sex while my child was in the bed with us. No way.

post #16 of 129

We have two double beds in our room. I would suggest getting a cot or extra bed. 

post #17 of 129

We could never ever dtd in bed with ds--it weirded me out, but also he was a really light sleeper and would almost always wake up. So we just got into the habit, I guess you'd say, of dtd BEFORE bedtime on the couch or wherever. It is a kind of change in thinking, because I think most people end up dtd once they are in bed together, it just seems more natural, somehow. But it worked for us. However a month ago we moved ds into his own bedroom and I have to say that I'm LOVING having my bed back and all that that entails: being able to read before going to sleep, being able to put my pajamas on in the light and, yes, being able to make love in my own bed!

post #18 of 129

Sex? In a bed? I can't even remember what that's like...Actually, we recently rearranged our random assortment of beds and now have one in the playroom in the basement that no one actually sleeps in...For a while it was a "sex bed" (thanks, PP) - foam mattress that we brought out to the living room. We're old so sometimes we'd even decide the discomfort wasn't worth it...

 

Also, we've really given up on foreplay for the time being...we mostly just do what needs to be done.

post #19 of 129
Quote:
Originally Posted by La Sombra View Post

We could never ever dtd in bed with ds--it weirded me out, but also he was a really light sleeper and would almost always wake up. So we just got into the habit, I guess you'd say, of dtd BEFORE bedtime on the couch or wherever. It is a kind of change in thinking, because I think most people end up dtd once they are in bed together, it just seems more natural, somehow. But it worked for us. However a month ago we moved ds into his own bedroom and I have to say that I'm LOVING having my bed back and all that that entails: being able to read before going to sleep, being able to put my pajamas on in the light and, yes, being able to make love in my own bed!

Reading? Pajamas in the light? Who needs sex?! Sooooo looking forward to those things! But loving cosleeping too ;0)

We've kind of given up a bit for now. The shower used to be our special place but now dd doesn't make noise when she wakes up and checking the video monitor is a turn off!
post #20 of 129

Well we dtd in the bed on occasion, bu only during the day when DD is awake (so DH has the day off) We can sometimes pop on the tv and run upstairs for a passionate quickie. Just wanted to add that lol

 

IDK we don't miss the bed over here. We have a seriously wonderful s-e-x life.

New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Co-sleeping and the Family Bed
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Baby › Co-sleeping and the Family Bed › Sex in the family bed.