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Sex in the family bed. - Page 2

post #21 of 129

We've had a twin next to our bed for the last 3 kids.  It becomes the baby's bed, sometimes it's just extra space when the baby is stretched out too much.  And sometimes it's the sex bed.  LOL.  We have no problem DTD with the kid in the room...  It's a learned habit, though.

post #22 of 129

We don't have any kids with us in bed right now, so we do use our own bed for the most part right now. When we do have a baby in bed with us, the only time I'm ok being in our bed is if the baby is in the pack n play. Our room is pretty big, so we can make it so it is like we are alone. I still get paranoid about being noisy though, and it isn't much of a turn on when we both keep stealing glances towards wherever the baby is! We also have the guest room that has a queen so that works. And then once all the kids are in bed we have the entire downstairs to ourselves!

post #23 of 129

Dh and I joke that if we were to have sex in bed again it would be new and exotic, it's been a longggg time. We've never felt comfortable having sex with dd in the room sleeping, it just feels very distracting and an odd colliding of roles (like when George's worlds collide on Seinfeld lol.gif ).

 

Another big inside joke is how nasty it would be if one of those crime scene blacklights were ever run over our couch and loveseat in the living room biglaugh.gif

 

Cosleeping obviously hasn't affected our sex life, just the location. An air mattress is also good as a 'sex bed' (love the term!).

post #24 of 129

Wow.  Sheepish.gif  I guess we are the only ones who don't have issues DTD in the family bed.  DD is 3 and sleeps on a twin next to our king, and DS is 1 month (yeah, we started early postpartum).  As long as there is regular deep breathing from DD's bed and DS has unlatched for the night, we are good to go.  Or sometimes we wake up spontaneously in the middle of the night, one or the other, and stuff happens.  We are silent though ... it will be weird after all the babies are in their own beds and we can be louder.

 

Should we be rethinking this?

post #25 of 129


Ok I'm just impressed that you are DTD only a month after baby is born. A month after DD was born I was still walking gingerly let alone even thinking about DTD...

I think you'll be alright, when you do finally get to be alone it will seem incredibly adventurous I imagine or at least that is what I think it will be like for us...

I don't have an issue DTD in the same room as DD or even theoretically the same bed, it's just that we have on more than one occasion woken her up and that really really spoils the mood.

 

I cannot wait to get our own bed back so we can DTD in what most people consider the most boring place to do it!

 

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pirogi View Post

Wow.  Sheepish.gif  I guess we are the only ones who don't have issues DTD in the family bed.  DD is 3 and sleeps on a twin next to our king, and DS is 1 month (yeah, we started early postpartum).  As long as there is regular deep breathing from DD's bed and DS has unlatched for the night, we are good to go.  Or sometimes we wake up spontaneously in the middle of the night, one or the other, and stuff happens.  We are silent though ... it will be weird after all the babies are in their own beds and we can be louder.

 

Should we be rethinking this?

post #26 of 129

We DTD in the family bed up until about a month ago when DD started saying "up" when she woke up. For me, once they can say words, it weirds me out. So, I now have to plan ahead and make sure to put her down somwhere else if we want to use the bed. We have moved to the floor right next to the bed and we often use the couch.

post #27 of 129
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pirogi View Post

Wow.  Sheepish.gif  I guess we are the only ones who don't have issues DTD in the family bed.  DD is 3 and sleeps on a twin next to our king, and DS is 1 month (yeah, we started early postpartum).  As long as there is regular deep breathing from DD's bed and DS has unlatched for the night, we are good to go.  Or sometimes we wake up spontaneously in the middle of the night, one or the other, and stuff happens.  We are silent though ... it will be weird after all the babies are in their own beds and we can be louder.

 

Should we be rethinking this?

 

You're not the only ones!  We don't have a problem with it either.  Our DTD pattern tends to be very early in the morning, when DD is nearly impossible to wake up.  We tend to be pretty quick, quiet and mellow about it, though, so as not to disturb her.  It will be VERY nice when we can be a bit more athletic and noisy... and get a bit more creative! 

 

As for early, I think we started at 2 weeks postpartum, as soon as the MW gave her ok. :)  (I blame the oxytocin too!)  We've pretty much always DTD with her in the cosleeper or in the bed next to us; as long as she's sleeping and we're quiet, I don't worry too much about it.  Children have grown up with adults DTD in the same bed/ same room for most of human history (and in most of the world, most of them still do), so it's not like we're that unusual. 

 

 

 



 

post #28 of 129

Out of curiosity am I the only one here who NEVER EVER mentions this to anyone (besides you MDC mamas). It's not that I think there is a single thing wrong with DTD next to a sleeping LO but what does concern me could the possible reaction of someone else. Like freaking out and telling other people or in the off chance some random person I barely know heard about it (I don't know how that would happen exactly since I don't walk around talking about my sex life constantly) and called CPS or something. Crazier things have happened.

post #29 of 129
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ldavis24 View Post

Out of curiosity am I the only one here who NEVER EVER mentions this to anyone (besides you MDC mamas). It's not that I think there is a single thing wrong with DTD next to a sleeping LO but what does concern me could the possible reaction of someone else. Like freaking out and telling other people or in the off chance some random person I barely know heard about it (I don't know how that would happen exactly since I don't walk around talking about my sex life constantly) and called CPS or something. Crazier things have happened.

I only discuss it with a few girlfriends who also cosleep. Everyone else already thinks we are crazy enough as it is!
post #30 of 129
Nvmd! Too vulnerable of a post to be judged to harshly. Sorry to freak people out by being a sexual person, a parent and be living in a small apartment.
post #31 of 129
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ldavis24 View Post

Out of curiosity am I the only one here who NEVER EVER mentions this to anyone (besides you MDC mamas). It's not that I think there is a single thing wrong with DTD next to a sleeping LO but what does concern me could the possible reaction of someone else. Like freaking out and telling other people or in the off chance some random person I barely know heard about it (I don't know how that would happen exactly since I don't walk around talking about my sex life constantly) and called CPS or something. Crazier things have happened.


I'm one of the mamas who doesn't DTD with our child in bed (then again, she's almost 6) but I hardly even mention to anyone that we co-sleep let alone if we did DTD while cosleeping. People are wacked out enough about just cosleeping around here I would just keep the sex stuff to myself. Then, I tend to be a tad tin foil hat about CPS because of all the things we do that are 'against the grain'.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sfcmama View Post

Back again with another thought that I couldn't let go of after my last post... Hope I'm not hijacking thread but feel like people will be honest and nonjudgmental here.

So... What about DTD, ahem, solo in the family bed? We have dd in a sidecar and I used to feel fine with it when she was younger but now reserve my "special alone time" for the shower. That being said, I think I would've totally freaked out if I walked in on DH doing the solo deed with dd in the room - double standard, I know, but just not right to me with the gender difference, KWIM?

Whew, thanks! Just had to get that thought out there, even if no one responds.


For me, if dh did that with dd in the room, I would f u r e a k  o u t  to like an insane degree. I trust my husband 1000% but he knows I am a survivor of sexual abuse and there are huge triggers with me surrounding certain things. In fact, suncosciously that may be even partially why we don't even have sex while cosleeping (never thought about that aspect much). However, the "solo" thing would send me triggered so bad and I know dh knows that so he would never do that. I wouldn't either, likely for the same reasons.

 

I'm not making judgments, just sayin' for us, given my particular abusive past and comfort level it wouldn't be okay.
 

post #32 of 129

yes, someone probably would call CPS.  You'd be hard pressed to prove your baby was in bed right next to you while you were having sex just because that is where the baby sleeps.  The biggest question people have who don't understand co sleeping is 'but what about sex' and the answer is always 'the bed isn't the only place you have to have it.'  I'm sincerely shocked that there are co sleeping families who have no qualms with sex right next to their baby.  It is making ME very uncomfortable so yeah... if you are having sex with a baby in your bed you aren't going to want to tell anyone.  sex and babies don't mix other than when making one.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ldavis24 View Post

Out of curiosity am I the only one here who NEVER EVER mentions this to anyone (besides you MDC mamas). It's not that I think there is a single thing wrong with DTD next to a sleeping LO but what does concern me could the possible reaction of someone else. Like freaking out and telling other people or in the off chance some random person I barely know heard about it (I don't know how that would happen exactly since I don't walk around talking about my sex life constantly) and called CPS or something. Crazier things have happened.

post #33 of 129
Quote:
Originally Posted by treeoflife3 View Post

yes, someone probably would call CPS.  You'd be hard pressed to prove your baby was in bed right next to you while you were having sex just because that is where the baby sleeps.  The biggest question people have who don't understand co sleeping is 'but what about sex' and the answer is always 'the bed isn't the only place you have to have it.'  I'm sincerely shocked that there are co sleeping families who have no qualms with sex right next to their baby.  It is making ME very uncomfortable so yeah... if you are having sex with a baby in your bed you aren't going to want to tell anyone.  sex and babies don't mix other than when making one.
 


 


I think this post was very brave. It's never a popular response in this kind of thread but I happen to completely agree. The thought of two adults having sex in the same bed as a child, even if the child is asleep, makes me very uncomfortable. duck.gif

 

 

(The "But other cultures do it!" argument doesn't really fly with me, since other cultures do lots of things that ours doesn't. That's what makes them, you know, other cultures. It's not really relevant to us in the here and now.)

post #34 of 129
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tumble Bumbles View Post


For me, if dh did that with dd in the room, I would f u r e a k  o u t  to like an insane degree. I trust my husband 1000% but he knows I am a survivor of sexual abuse and there are huge triggers with me surrounding certain things. In fact, suncosciously that may be even partially why we don't even have sex while cosleeping (never thought about that aspect much). However, the "solo" thing would send me triggered so bad and I know dh knows that so he would never do that. I wouldn't either, likely for the same reasons.

 

I'm not making judgments, just sayin' for us, given my particular abusive past and comfort level it wouldn't be okay.
 


Yup.  And it would FREAK me out if I heard another family talking about it being Ok too.  I'd have some serious questions about that.  Mom OR Dad.

 



Quote:
Originally Posted by peainthepod View Post





I think this post was very brave. It's never a popular response in this kind of thread but I happen to completely agree. The thought of two adults having sex in the same bed as a child, even if the child is asleep, makes me very uncomfortable. duck.gif

 

 

(The "But other cultures do it!" argument doesn't really fly with me, since other cultures do lots of things that ours doesn't. That's what makes them, you know, other cultures. It's not really relevant to us in the here and now.)



BIG yeah to the bolded.  We live in OUR culture, for better or worse.  If you want to live in a different culture, thats a choice that can be made.  But in the culture we have, there are certain things that just aren't done.  Other cultures do things that we think are positively CRAZY - like only wiping with your left hand and only eating with your right, and then if you commit a crime the left hand gets cut off so that you have to wipe and eat with the same hand.  Umm....pretty sure thats not something I would want to happen here. 

 

I can't imagine having sex in the same bed as my child.  The same room, maybe, if they were SUPER sound asleep.  But yeah, getting in the mood would be pretty difficult.

post #35 of 129

Me too. Honestly, I am repulsed at the idea of adults having sex in the same bed as a sleeping child. I think having sex in the same room as a sleeping child is crossing the line. If someone mentioned that they did this, despite the fact that I am normally a "each to their own" kind of person, I think I would feel compelled to tell them that I think it's wrong.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by peainthepod View Post





I think this post was very brave. It's never a popular response in this kind of thread but I happen to completely agree. The thought of two adults having sex in the same bed as a child, even if the child is asleep, makes me very uncomfortable. duck.gif

 

 

(The "But other cultures do it!" argument doesn't really fly with me, since other cultures do lots of things that ours doesn't. That's what makes them, you know, other cultures. It's not really relevant to us in the here and now.)

post #36 of 129

Ok then, interested in the responses as always. DTD not even in the same room as your LO??

Well that just wouldn't work for us, we live in a loft so it is all the same room.


I wanted to clarify, being the idiot who brought it up, that I think there is an age issue at play with DTD while LO is sleeping in their own specified part of the bed. DD is a toddler now, she is big she takes up a lot of the bed and she is becoming aware of vaginas and penises. I might have DTD in the same bed when she was a newborn and sleeping but now it wouldn't work and I wouldn't be comfortable with it.

 

I don't think it is fair to discount the "other culture's do it" argument. We are all part of the same world and every culture borrows from other cultures. Do you not eat mexican food or practice an eastern religion or hell do Yoga?! which is a huge cultural thing in India that Americans basically warped into their own weird exercise thing. 

 

I mean seriously because other culture's do something is the reason many things are the way they are in America. America's culture as a whole is to force your child into independence before they even cut a tooth and I think we can all agree that doesn't work out so well for our kids. I just don't get being against doing something because we borrow that from another culture. Like it is bad somehow..

 

I don't mind if someone isn't comfortable with the idea of people DTD with their baby in the same room or bed but I take serious objection to what I wrote about above.

post #37 of 129
Quote:
Originally Posted by slylives View Post

Me too. Honestly, I am repulsed at the idea of adults having sex in the same bed as a sleeping child. I think having sex in the same room as a sleeping child is crossing the line. If someone mentioned that they did this, despite the fact that I am normally a "each to their own" kind of person, I think I would feel compelled to tell them that I think it's wrong.

 


 


Why, out of curiosity?

post #38 of 129
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pirogi View Post




Why, out of curiosity?


I see sex as a private, intimate experience between consenting adults. And I think it's wrong for a child to be a witness to their parent's intimacy (even if the child is asleep, I see it as a boundary that has been crossed). I appreciate that some people may see the age of the child as a factor - but I do not.
 

post #39 of 129
Quote:
Originally Posted by slylives View Post




I see sex as a private, intimate experience between consenting adults. And I think it's wrong for a child to be a witness to their parent's intimacy (even if the child is asleep, I see it as a boundary that has been crossed). I appreciate that some people may see the age of the child as a factor - but I do not.
 

 

 

I agree.

post #40 of 129


I don't disagree with how you feel, everyone has their own feelings on the matter, but how can a child witness something when they are sound asleep? How can a boundary be crossed when the child doesn't have a clue what is going on because they are sleeping?

Quote:
Originally Posted by slylives View Post




I see sex as a private, intimate experience between consenting adults. And I think it's wrong for a child to be a witness to their parent's intimacy (even if the child is asleep, I see it as a boundary that has been crossed). I appreciate that some people may see the age of the child as a factor - but I do not.
 

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