Budgeting Child Support

[Jennga]

Hello Moms,

I’m new to Mothering.com and forums in general. I was looking for opinions on a dilemma regarding Child Support. I left my husband 18 months ago and my 3 year old and I have settled into our own place after bouncing around a bit. It is a very modest 1 bedroom apartment (I sleep in the living room). The voluntary child support my X has paid up to this point has been necessary for our survival while I found a reliable job and affordable apartment, etc.

I have been seeing a wonderful man for about a year and we’ve started discussing moving in together. My boyfriend works in landscaping so his pay scale varies greatly throughout the year. I thought a fare way to split up the bills would be to base it on our income percentage. (Combine our incomes and figure the percentage each brings to the table every month.) So, while he is making much more in the summer, he pays a higher percentage of our shared bills (rent, groceries, internet, etc.) and when he is out of work in the winter, I pay a higher percentage.

So, my dilemma is, should my son’s child support be calculated into that formula as income on my end? I haven’t really thought about where every cent has gone in the last year and a half because I was just trying to keep my head above water. My boyfriend has 2 children of his own who will be staying with us often. He pays child support for them as well. One will have his own bedroom at our place and his little guy will share a room with my son (they are close in age).

So, is it wrong for the support I receive for my son to be applied toward putting a roof over all our heads and food on the table for the whole clan or should I attempt to only spend the CS on my son’s clothes and individual necessities? We will not be “well off” even in the summertime when work is plentiful so I will need some of it to make my ends meet. I thought about applying a percentage of the CS but wondered how other Moms would or have handled it? Is there some kind of outline or explanation out there on what child support should specifically be used for?

On another note, should the child support my boyfriend pays for his kids be removed from his part of the equation? I’m crazy about his children btw, but we will have one or both pretty much most of the time so they will impact our grocery bill and the extra bedroom will make our rent higher. What do you think Moms? Thank you in advance for any opinions and advice. 

[VisionaryMom]

I am not divorced, so I don't have any personal experience with CS. The biggest concern I would have is what happens if your child support doesn't arrive or if it's changed drastically or something along those lines. I have seen a lot of families struggle with seasonal budgeting, so I think what you're doing is tough to do well anyway. I suppose if you're calculating the percentages monthly then you could use last month's CS for this month's calculations. That way you have the money in hand and know you're not going to end up short.

[sunflower.mama]

Somehow to me, taking your child support received into the equation, deducting his child support paid from the equation, and incorporating expenses for his kids into the equation "feels" a little unbalanced.  What if you excluded your child support received from the budget, but "allowed" him to deduct what he pays for child support from his contribution to your joint budget?  If you include the child support you receive from your ex into your joint budget, and he pays his own child support out of that joint budget, won't you feel as though your child support is somehow paying for his child support obligation?  That's what leads me to suggesting you exclude both payments.

[zebra15]

I think you take child support out of it.  You look at gross income numbers.  What happens if you dont get child support or your BF dosent pay child child support?  Anytime you start to talk finances and try to make things even and fair it rarely works out.  Someone gets the short end of the stick.    You may want to share household expenses evenly but I doubt your personal expenses will be even and someone will feel shorted.  What if your medical is more or his car expenses are substantially higher?

[sunflower.mama]

Also wanting to add - it is perfectly normal to include child support as part of one's general budget, and spend it on the roof over your heads and food on your table.  As your son gets a little older and needs $ for activities, copays, etc, it won't be hard to spend all the child support on those things.

[honeybunmom]

I note that you characterized the child support as "voluntary".  Does that mean your X is not paying pursuant to a court order?  If that is the case, do you have any concerns that he would withold the payment when you move in with your boyfriend?  In which case there would be nothing to factor into your budgeting?

[happysmileylady]

I think you have two different questions here.  Is it appropriate to use CS for things like rent, utilities and other household things, vs only on the child's individual needs, and should you include it in your general budget as income.

For the first question-using CS for household bills vs the child's individual needs.  The answer is yes, it's totally appropriate to use CS toward household needs.  Your child still needs the roof over his head, the electric bill paid, etc, not just clothes.  The powers that be that set up and enforce child support intend for CS to be used that way.

For the second question-including it in your household's now two income general budget.  I would suggest avoiding do that if you can afford it.  Not because of any reasons including your partner, but rather that CS can be undependable and it's not a good idea to depend on undependable income if you can avoid it.  Your ex could get mad that you are living with someone else and decide to stop paying.  While the law is on your side and the ex could eventually end in jail as a result, while persuing that, you are still out the money.  Or he could just disappear and quit paying and then you spend years trying to find him.  Or, something awful could happen and he could pass away.  Or if your income goes up dramatically and his income goes down, the order could get modified for less money.  Or he could fight for a custody change, and win, which could also result in a change in the support order.

If you can't afford to leave the CS out of the budget, it's appropriate to use it for household needs, because your child needs those things as much as the rest of the household members.  But if you can afford it, that's better planning for the just in case.

[Jennga]

Thank you everyone, all very good points. My x has been helpful with support but you are right, that can change when I move in with someone.

[zacharysmom]

 the best advice i ever recieved was to spend CS only after i have it and not to count on it. but then again most people actually get it paid to them i how ever am owed a lot over.