Lost - need some input

[grumpybear]

So I don't even know where to begin.

Of course every parent thinks their child is special in some way. Smart and all that.

I have some issues with giftedness, due mostly to being labelled as such and underachieving in the biggest way. So it is somewhat a charged topic for me and something that I had avoided for a lot of years.

But now that DS is starting school in the fall, I am left facing the issue of where is the best place for him in order to best address his needs.

To begin with, I am not even exactly sure if he is gifted. He is an extremely bright kid is what everybody says. I have no idea where he is at the spectrum because he is my only 4 year old. My friends' kids, I see very sporadically. I do not know exactly what normal or typical is for his age because I've been schooled in schools for the gifted all my life so that probably skewed the demographic I was exposed to a bit. But then again, it leads me to question my own diagnosis because of me grossly underachieving. So as you can see, issues there.

So going back to my son. I don't quite know what to do about him. Do I get him tested? To be honest, I am a bit afraid and apprehensive over testing because if it shows he is gifted, what now? How do I deal with that? On the other hand, if tests show he isn't, I will feel some disappointment (please don't judge).

I was wondering what your experiences are and any advice for me?

Thank you for reading this far.

[pigpokey]

Google Ruf's levels of giftedness.  You can find summaries and it looks like Ruf, or someone she has authorized, is now doing a $60 online form you can fill out about your child to get a detailed "guess" of IQ range.

[joensally]

No judgement, grumpybear.  Many posters here have expressed similar sentiments.  You might find some value in paging back through this forum's history of threads as there are some great threads that have happened here.  I totally understand feeling ambivalent about testing and labelling, and worried about all of that until we actually did testing.  All it does is inform planning.  I'm personally not in the camp that says IQ dictates all, as I think temperament, learning style, thinking style, social skills and a host of other domains also heavily influence what settings a child will or will not thrive in.

Testing a four year old is generally pretty unreliable, so it's not necessarily a great investment unless you need it for school entry.  What schooling options do you have available to you?  Frankly, unless there's gifted programming or entrance requirements, I would judge settings based on how you think they'd fit with his temperament and assuming that he's going to be academically capable, irrespective of whether or not he's gifted.

Ruf's levels are a good place to start, but I don't think they're definitive - DS scored way higher than his Ruf's level, but then he's a bit 2E and very, very out of the box.

[mom2ponygirl]

I wouldn't test him yet, unless you have a need for a number - entrance to a gifted school or something like that.  When or if you do decide to test (many suggest around age 7 or 8 is usually easier, more reliable, and still early enough to not hit too many ceilings), remember that no matter what results you get, you still have the same delightful kiddo you had the day before!  The 'test' is a small snapshot of your child on that day - perhaps useful info but far from a complete picture. 

So what does the gifted label get you?  A shortcut to finding people to talk to about stuff going on with your kid who won't think you are trying to brag.  A quick way to dig up ideas on books, activities, camps, or classes your kid might like.  A network of people to discuss educational issues if the standard track doesn't seem to fit your kid very well.  A way to understand why your kid may feel different from many of their agemates, and other people to help you find ways to help your kid deal with it.  

I would suggest reading some articles at www.hoagiesgifted.org  There are articles about gifted kids and gifted parents dealing with the whole gifted thing.  See if resources out there for gifted kids seem helpful - if they are use them!  If they aren't, don't worry, bookmark them you may find them more applicable later.  Enjoy your kiddo, let the ideas simmer awhile, and then if you decide to test later perhaps it won't feel quite so daunting. :-)